Talking to my cousin about self harm.

[Ennui.]

My cousin messaged me today asking for help. Her daughter is self harming. She wants me to talk to her daughter since I've been there before. I'm willing to talk to her, but I'm very nervous about it and am scared I won't say enough or won't say the right things. I am wondering what types of things you'd have liked to hear from a support person as a teen. I am going to be printing out the entire Alternatives list for her, but I am just worried about the talk. Any help is appreciated.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Dez,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. You are amazing at helping others out on this and you truly care for everyone if you do or do not know them. If you would like to, you can start with writing a letter to your cousin and write about how you have done this before or if you are able to talk face to face with her, go to her house or for a walk and start talking about school or something else and then you can go into talking about self harm and see what she says back. You can also text her and let her know that you are always around to talk about this and how about giving her some coping skills to help her with this. Have her try going for a walk or listening to music or watching movies or TV shows or playing a game or reading or painting or writing or anything else that she enjoys doing. I hope that you and your cousin will be okay soon. You can do this.

[Silvan]

Hi Dez,

I understand your concerns. The fact that you're unsure how to approach this shows how sensitive and compassionate you are, and that you want to give your cousin the best advice possible
This conversation can go in many different ways and I'm afraid it's impossible to be prepared for every question or reaction from your cousin. However, you have been in a similar position, and that alone means you actually understands how she might be feeling or what she might be thinking. I believe you should trust your instincts about what to say (still being cautious, of course), and I'm sure that with your sensitivity you won't hurt your cousin.
I really like Emmie's idea of writing a letter first. This way you could communicate to your cousin what you want to talk about, but without making her uncomfortable or forcing her to react somehow while talking face to face.
Does she like your guinea pigs or would it be possible for her to visit them? Perhaps you could try to approach her while taking care of your pets. Pets often make people calmer, and maybe they would make it easier for your cousin to have this conversation.
Whatever you choose to do, I hope everything goes well for both you and your cousin.
Take care! xx S

[Cherrylicious]

In addition to providing an alternatives list, I’d talk about harm reduction and the risk of doing permanent damage. Doing too much damage with self harm may result in amputation of the affected limb; and make sure they know that every scar you make you have to live with and this is your one body, etc.