Triggering (SH): my parents fount out advice ?

[kayleee123]

my parents fount out about me self harming today and i dont know how to feel im kinda of upset that they fount out like i want help but i feel like since they fount out it made it worse. okay me my brother my mom and step dad we were all talking then my step dad goes 'whats those 3 slices on your arm' and im panickng and i lie and i say oh at school my friends scratch me and my mom is a nurse so its even worse she says what did you cut yourself with so im lying and saying i didnt do it and my brother is just sitting there observing and so i lie and say i cut myself on the stairs and they were like i know you didnt do it on the stairs tell me what you cut yourself with so your arm doesnt get infected and fall off. But i still dont tell her then shes like go to bed and my step dad is like all those marks on your arm and then i go to my room and my mom is like your a beautiful girl why do you do this and she was trying her best not to cry. i feel bad can i have some advice i dont know what to do

[Ennui.]

Hey,

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! I know that it is scary and upsetting when your parents find out about something like this.

I know you may not want to, but it may help if you explain to your parents, or at least your mom, a bit about what self harm does for you. She sounds likes he is worried and that she truly cares. You don't have to go into graphic detail, but maybe you can explain what it does. For example, if it is a distraction from what's going on, say that. If it is a release, say that.

She may want to know what's going on that is triggering this. The best way for her to be able to help you is for you to be honest about what is going on even though it is hard. You said you want the help, and this could be a great first step. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your parents about this you can also ask them to take you to see a therapist. A therapist can be really good because they are unbiased and won't judge you for what is going on, but will be able to offer you suggestions to solve some of what is going on and can provide coping mechanisms.

If you don't think you'd be able to say any of this verbally, it may help to write it in the form of a letter or email. This allows you to get out everything you want to say without nerves or interruptions getting in the way. You can either hand the letter to your parents directly or leave it where you know they'll find it.

If you feel comfortable with doing so, you can also give your parents the tools you se to self harm so you don't have anything to self harm with anymore. I know this is hard to do and it is okay if you are not ready to do so yet. I gave my self harm tools once to the clinician in my DBT group and it was definitely tough to do, but it is doable.

Here is a list of alternatives to self harm. These are things you can do when you have the urge to self harm instead of cutting. It may be a good idea for you to look at the different categories and see if there is anything on there you can try.

I know it's scary, but you can do this!

Dez