Doesn't want to fall back into cutting :/

[Darien_Rachelle]

So, I used to cut myself all of the time, and I stopped a little bit over a year ago....
Then, tonight, I got in a big fight with my kind-of boyfriend.... and I was the one to stop talking to him.... I felt horrible... because I hate hurting people, especially him, because.... He's already been through so much
Usually I HAVE to go to bed relaxed or I will have a panic attack, in my sleep, and during my panic attacks, I continuously scratch myself.... It's not that I want to, it's just what my body does during the attacks....
So, I was thinking about cutting again, because it used to relax me-- and I'd probably deserve it anyways.... but I don't want to fall back into that habit... I also don't want to have another panic attack though, because especially in my sleep, I can't help myself....
Please help me?

[The Morrigan]

Hi there Darien,

I'm sorry that you've been feeling this way but remember you've gone this long without cutting yourself and you can go a lot longer and you definitely don't deserve it.

Have you thought about speaking to your doctor about getting some help with the panic attacks? That might help to make things a bit better. In the meantime though perhaps, if it's not too warm for you, you could try wearing gloves to sleep or trimming your nails short so if you do have a panic attack in your sleep then the scratches won't hurt as much.

As for your friend I think just apologise to him for the fight and see if you can make up from there.

Just stay strong, okay? You can get through this

[Love09]

You do not deserve it! Stay strong, one year is AWESOME! you are so worth it, and you are a wonderful person. You worked so hard to stay self-harm free, keep it up because you are WORTH IT and AWESOME and STRONG! <3

[blumemusik♫]

Firstly, you really really don't 'deserve' it. Nobody 'deserves' pain. I know you said it relaxes you, just think how guilty you'd feel afterwards. It's not worth the few minutes of relief it may give you. And besides, you've gone over a year. That's fantastic!

Like Cara said, try wearing gloves at night so you don't scratch yourself in your sleep, and try seeing a doctor about your panic attacks.

Finally, have you seen TH's list of alternatives to SH? http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-s...ves-self-harm/

Try some of those out if your urges get too strong.

Don't give in lovely, you're so much better than that! You can beat everything <3

[Palmolive]

Hey there.

Firstly I want to tell you how much of an achievement it is that you haven't self harmed in a year. That's really great and is something for you to keep telling yourself.

I'm really sorry that things are rough for you right now but I also want you to know that it won't be this way for ever. That you've already proved to yourself that you can live with out self harm and that it's not always really bad and that things can get better. Self harming, in reality, is going to get you know where. If you start again there's the chance you'll become addicted to it and you'll find yourself trapped in the viscous cycle which isn't something any of us want for you.

Panic attacks are a really horrible thing to experience and they can be rather scary. If you're not in therapy already perhaps this is something you can consider to help both with the self harm and the panic attacks.

I hope this helps.
Jessie

[Coal]

Don't start again, no matter what. I made that mistake - I self-harmed for a year, then was "clean" for almost 6 months, but then I got in a fight with a good friend and cut again... and you know what? I'm hooked again. Maybe you could try writing it out before you go to bed today? That helps me clear my mind when I have too many thoughts racing through my head. And you should really try something like counseling or therapy for the panic attacks (and self-harming too, of course) - it could help you a lot.

[Victoria ♥]

Hey there Darien,

I’m really sorry to hear about what happened with your boyfriend and i can understand why it’s left you feeling like this. Like people have said already, going a year without self harming is a huge achievement and it shows how strong you are. You should be really proud of yourself.

I’m glad to hear you don’t want to fall back into the habit of cutting. Have you thought about doing something else to help calm yourself down if you’re feeling anxious? Maybe if you came up with another coping strategy it would help with the panic attacks too? I don’t know if you’ve looked through TeenHelps list of 'alternatives to self harm' already, but i suggest you check it out.

I’m also wondering if you’ve been able to talk to anyone about the cutting or panic attacks? Maybe if you spoke to your parents or your doctor they will be able to support you or help you come up with ways to manage how you’re feeling.

I do hope you feel a bit better.
If you want to talk about anything then feel free to shoot me a PM.

Take care,
Victoria