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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Wingardium27 Offline
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Question Was it Rape? - May 1st 2016, 09:25 PM

This thread has been labeled as triggering by the original poster or by a Moderator. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Hi everyone!

As some of you may already know, I was sexually assaulted a few months ago. I have only recently shared the second half of the assault with the police and my family in the past week but was wondering if it was really rape and if not, what to call it.

After the initial touching, he asked for oral sex. I said no but he kept asking and I was scared of what he might do if I didn't do it so I eventually (and very reluctantly) gave in. He put it in my mouth and patted my head whilst I sucked like I was some sort of obedient dog or a slave.

Does this really count as rape? After all, I eventually gave in (although I was intimidated and never gave my explicit consent). Any answers would be greatly appreciated.

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Re: Was it Rape? - May 1st 2016, 09:32 PM

Even if you gave in it doesnt make it right. I've found myself asking myself was it rape after asked my ex to stop and he didn't. Someone told me the fact I asked him to stop and didnt made it rape.. others said its not. To me rape is when someone forces you to have sex when you have like said no or like make you feel like you have to do it because of the amount of pressure they have like basically put on you... I would maybe ask the police if it was rape or not.. either way what the guy did was wrong...



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Re: Was it Rape? - May 1st 2016, 10:06 PM

I'm glad you're beginning to share more details about the assault with your family and the police. I know that's difficult but you're really strong.

It is rape. A lot of people tend to think that only vaginal sex is considered rape, but forced oral or anal sex is also rape. You're a minor, so you can't consent, and "consenting" by giving in when you feel pressured to do so isn't true consent, either.


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Re: Was it Rape? - May 1st 2016, 10:55 PM

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

But yes, it is rape, even if you gave in- you kept saying no, and you didn't want to do it, so it wasn't consented. In the UK, the legal definition of rape is non-consensual penetration with a penis in the vagina, anus or mouth. And you are also under the age of consent too.


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Re: Was it Rape? - May 2nd 2016, 07:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by WhisperingSilence View Post
Even if you gave in it doesnt make it right. I've found myself asking myself was it rape after asked my ex to stop and he didn't. Someone told me the fact I asked him to stop and didnt made it rape.. others said its not. To me rape is when someone forces you to have sex when you have like said no or like make you feel like you have to do it because of the amount of pressure they have like basically put on you... I would maybe ask the police if it was rape or not.. either way what the guy did was wrong...
Thanks for the really quick reply! I'm sorry you had to go through that with your ex - if you ever need to talk or just rant feel free to message me. Thanks for the clarification.

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Re: Was it Rape? - May 2nd 2016, 07:45 AM

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Originally Posted by Cassado View Post
I'm glad you're beginning to share more details about the assault with your family and the police. I know that's difficult but you're really strong.

It is rape. A lot of people tend to think that only vaginal sex is considered rape, but forced oral or anal sex is also rape. You're a minor, so you can't consent, and "consenting" by giving in when you feel pressured to do so isn't true consent, either.
Thank you. It's been a strange relief to finally say all of what happened, not just the bit I chose to remember instead of blocking out (what was for me) the worst part.

Thanks for the clarification. He was also a minor (13-14) and I was 13 at the time it happened - because he was a minor as well and because there was no age gap, does this change anything?

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Re: Was it Rape? - May 2nd 2016, 07:50 AM

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Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
I'm sorry you had to go through that.

But yes, it is rape, even if you gave in- you kept saying no, and you didn't want to do it, so it wasn't consented. In the UK, the legal definition of rape is non-consensual penetration with a penis in the vagina, anus or mouth. And you are also under the age of consent too.
Thanks for clearing that up for me! But I just feel so guilty and like I am to blame for what eventually happened because I gave in to what he wanted. What a w@nker he was. I was 13 at the time it happened and he was either 13 or 14, does this change anything?

Thanks and take care
   
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Re: Was it Rape? - May 2nd 2016, 09:40 AM

You are not to blame for this at all, though I understand you feel guilty, even though you don't need to feel that way. You should never feel pressured into doing things that you don't want to. His age, doesn't change a thing- it's still rape.


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Re: Was it Rape? - May 2nd 2016, 01:19 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by DutchWelshWolf View Post
You are not to blame for this at all, though I understand you feel guilty, even though you don't need to feel that way. You should never feel pressured into doing things that you don't want to. His age, doesn't change a thing- it's still rape.
Thank you for your reassurance and help

I'm working on getting over the guilt and cutting myself some slack. I am also trying to stop blaming myself for what happened and trying to rationalise with my thoughts and emotions, which helps.

Take care
   
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