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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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DomoKay Offline
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Boyfriend molest in sleep - June 11th 2016, 08:26 PM

So my ex-boyfriend two years ago was a creep, but everyone told me how good he was and stuff, so I stayed with him for a long time, longer than I should have. I never remembered some huge fight to instigate this, but I was living with him at the time, and one day I just packed up and left. I never knew why and always felt so guilty for "destroying" him. Well the other night he drunk texted me, and had a heavy heart. I didn't know how to react because it was so random, but I was asking him about what happened. He said he wasn't honest with me... Upon questioning it, he said he would touch me sexually in my sleep.

I cannot believe it, I really can't. He knew I was raped, and at the time, we did not do anything sexually. I feel so betrayed and disgusting. I went into shock and almost lit a pillow of his on fire. Why would he text me this, drunk? There were not many typos, it was clear texting. But... I know something in my gut told me to get the fuck away from him, so that's what makes me believe him. What do I even do? I trusted him, stupidly. I have barely been able to sleep, and I don't know how I ever will.

He also texted me this, so I have evidence...Can I call the police? I called and talked to the rape crisis line, but they just kind of listened... I got frustrated and hung up.




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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - June 12th 2016, 12:37 AM

Hey,
I don't think you can call the cops. Probably because it was 2 years ago, and therefore, the case may not be very easy.
However, staying away from this guy is a great idea. He is definitely a creeper. I'm sorry to hear you can't sleep. Do you think you can aska friend or family to stay with you a few days till you feel better?
Hope I helped
   
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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - June 12th 2016, 10:18 AM

You can check the law in your area to see if you can report this now (some places have a 'statute of limitations' which is basically a time limit on how long you have to report particular crimes).

Otherwise, it's up to you if you want to report it. While it may not be considered as evidence that he did touch you, it will be evidence that he admitted to touching you. It's definitely worth keeping the messages and I agree that you should stay away from him, so perhaps block his number too?

I'm really sorry to hear that you trusted him, and he knew that you had been raped in the past, but he assaulted you while you were sleeping regardless. Do you have anyone else you could talk to about this? It must be a huge shock for you and a lot to take in, so it would be good if you could have more support.


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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - June 27th 2016, 01:55 AM

I think it's a shame that he contacted you because you were better off not knowing about this.

I will try my best to offer some advice.

What happened, happened. And it was quite some time ago. You've moved on with your life and I think it's best to try to continue that trend. Don't allow yourself to get caught up over this. The power is yours.

If he had a "heavy heart", there's a good chance he told you about what he did because it has been eating away at him all this time and he feels bad about it. So now he has been honest with you. Of course, it doesn't really help you any, so I think it might be worth you getting some outside help by speaking to a counsellor.

It's understandable that this news has made you feel vulnerable, but he is long gone and cannot harm you any more. I know it must all seem very real to you, but what is keeping you up at night are just thoughts. You are safe now.


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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - June 30th 2016, 06:32 AM

I think you should stay away from this guy. That's the best you can do.
   
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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 2nd 2016, 09:49 AM

I agree with Zeltron
   
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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 2nd 2016, 09:52 PM

Hey Kay, I am sorry to hear this. Talking to the police may be a good idea. They wont be able to charge him with anything based only on what he has texted you-as he can retract that statement at any time and just say he was drunk. But, talking to the police will get his name out there so to speak. There will be a record of it in a police database, so that if he is ever accused of any type of sex crime or domestic violence, he will already have a history of such accusations against him.
   
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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 3rd 2016, 07:11 PM

I have contacted my school's Sexual Civility and Empowerment program to the Assistant Director who has worked with me before. I hope there is something I can do, I'm so ashamed and feel so violated. He is such a creep. I want to ruin his life how he has mine. All my sleepless nights... Why would he tell me that??




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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 4th 2016, 08:29 AM

Hello again.

He told you because he wanted to be honest with you. I guess this is one of those situations in life where ignorance was bliss.

Although I do question whether it was.

You have struggled in recent months and I wonder whether what he did to you has been affecting you without you realising. Even if your conscious mind wasn't aware of what he was doing because you were asleep, you would have been aware on some unconscious level.

I think it's good that you have contacted someone who may be able to help. At the same time, I think it would be worth you working through your feelings about this with a counsellor. Someone appropriate can often be found at a sexual health clinic. They are trained to help those who have been sexually abused and would be able to help you to deal with it emotionally. It's only natural for you to feel angry but, if you don't release those feelings, in the long term they are going to cause you more harm than you seem to want to cause him.


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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 5th 2016, 02:36 PM

What a weirdo. I say move on and forget about him. You know his true character now.
   
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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 5th 2016, 06:30 PM

Hey Kay,

As the others have suggested, I would definitely look into the laws in your area or you could see if you could get some advice from the police on whether you would have a case. It helps that you have messages to prove this from your ex.

What he did was wrong and an abuse of trust. It was wrong. I definitely think you should go with your gut instinct and do what feels right for you.

I wish you the best of luck,
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Re: Boyfriend molest in sleep - July 6th 2016, 10:50 AM

staying away from this guy
   
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