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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Should I tell my boyfriend - October 31st 2018, 05:14 AM

My boyfriends best friend raped me at a party last night when I went to pee very drunk. He used a condom and said if I told my boyfriend he would dump me because they have been friends since ten years old and reminded me we did a threesome last week at my house. So my boyfriend would not get upset anyway.
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - October 31st 2018, 01:36 PM

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you were raped by your boyfriend's best friend. I can see why you may feel apprehensive to tell your boyfriend, given what his best friend said.

But it's your choice on who to tell. If you want to tell your boyfriend, then that's okay. You can't guarantee how he'll react but he should at least listen to you and try to understand how you feel. If he doesn't listen, then it may be best to re-consider your relationship as you need someone who is going to be supportive. Your boyfriend's best friend may have said that your boyfriend will dump you as a threat to keep you quiet, rather than what might actually happen.

It doesn't matter that you had a threesome last week. He should not have raped you.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to your boyfriend just yet, is there anyone else that you trust that you could talk to? A good friend or family member? It's definitely good to talk to someone rather than keeping your feelings bottled up.


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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 02:39 AM

I decided to see opinions here before reaction. He tease me yesterday about really enjoying sex with me at Party and said perhaps my boyfriend already knows about our relationship. I told him there will be no repeat he just smiled and said hope you are at Janice birthday party on Saturday and drunk again.
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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 01:05 PM

I'm sorry to hear that. He shouldn't tease you and since you were drunk then it wasn't sex, it was rape. It's good that you told him it won't be repeated. You have every right to go to the party, though it's best to avoid this person if you can, and definitely avoid any situations where you might be alone with him. Perhaps if you go to the next party, you can check out to see if the bathroom has a lock on the door that you can use, or ask someone to make sure that no-one tries to come in when you are in the bathroom.

It's not a relationship, and he may just be saying that as another way to keep you quiet and make you believe that your boyfriend is in on it. You might want to try talking to your boyfriend, if you feel comfortable. If he is aware of what's going on then it would be best to end the relationship with your boyfriend. If he isn't aware, then he should at least listen and believe you. You have nothing to lose here and you don't deserve to be raped.


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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 01:20 PM

It sounds to me like this guy is trying to intimidate you and keep you quiet. I think you should tell your boyfriend about this, but there's a chance that this guy–the one that assaulted you–already made up a lie to him. You shouldn't have to go through this alone. I'm so sorry this happened to you.
   
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 04:16 PM

I plan to not drink too much and stay close to my man at party. of course going to ladies room will be challenging since that where he cornered me last time. I may brave telling my boyfriend before party but nervous he will say i am at fault for flirting with every guy I meet.
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 04:48 PM

Pehaps your boyfriend can walk you to and from the bathroom? Or maybe a female friend if any is there?
   
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 05:19 PM

my hope is the host will accompany me we are close friends. my man would think I was crazy if I asked him to go to toliet with me. he would say since when are you shy about making out in public at a party?
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 08:10 PM

Even if you were flirting or making out at a party, you still didn't want or deserved to get raped. It's your boyfriend's best friends behaviour that is at fault as he is responsible for the rape, not you.

It's a good idea to have someone accompany you though, if it helps you to feel safer


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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 08:23 PM

I hope that is his attitude but they are BFF's since childhood so don't feel comfortable bad mouthing him especially since my boyfriend invited him to threesome with us.
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 08:32 PM

You really need to stop making excuses as to why you shouldn't tell anyone, especially your boyfriend, about this. His friend hurt you and that is not good. It is never good, no matter how long they have known someone close to you.
   
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 09:22 PM

easy for someone who has nothing to lose to bully me with your ranting. he was gentle not hurtful
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 09:58 PM

Hey there, no one is trying to offend or upset you we just want what’s best for you and to make you feel safer going to the next party. It doesn’t matter if he was gentle or not, the fact he did it without your permission is reason enough to be upset with him and you shouldn’t have to defend him when he did in fact rape you. It was in no way your fault, no matter what you did. Unless you willingly had sex with him, it was completely his fault.

I do think it is up to you whether or not you tell your boyfriend but I think if you do tell your boyfriend he should be on your side and not blame you, otherwise he isn’t a good boyfriend. When someone is raped you don’t blame the victim, you stop being friends with the rapist. So he should support you and you shouldn’t have to worry about him blaming you.

Having the host look out for you when you go to the bathroom at the next party is also a good idea, especially if you don’t tell your boyfriend about it.


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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 1st 2018, 10:38 PM

I think you should should tell him. But first, test the reaction. Ask him, "hey, what would you say if I got raped?" Hopefully, its more towards support and recovery. Easier said then done, but there's no actual harm. He may ask why, and from there you can decide whether to tell him first or talk to another person you trust.



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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 5th 2018, 02:41 AM

I think telling your boyfriend at the party is a bad idea - confrontation + crowds + alcohol is a dangerous combination. Tell him before or tell him after.

If you tell him and he does not believe you, or if he says it's not big deal because you had a threesome, he does not deserve to be dating *anyone*. Rape is a violation of your body and your decisions. If someone allows this to happen to you, they do not see you as a person with opinions.


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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - November 18th 2018, 03:10 PM

I am so sorry this has happened to you.

First off you were raped which is illegal and the guy should be punished for that. So that throws out pretty much all the other stuff he is saying. You need to tell your boyfriend, but like the others said not at a party but just where you both a together. The whole thing where you three had a 3-some together really has nothing to do with the situation at all. You all consented to that, but you didn't consent to him raping you in the bathroom at this party. If your boyfriend chooses to believe his friend so be it and move on. You don't need that crap. The truth will be out and then go to the police tell your parents any other trusted adult and fight this.
   
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - December 1st 2018, 03:09 PM

I am sorry this happened to you. I guess my question to you is do you trust your boyfriend enough to believe what you tell him about the incident? I would hope he would believe you. It is horrible what you went through and then to be intimidated like that makes it even worse.
   
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - December 1st 2018, 04:33 PM

It seems to me that if your boyfriend loves you, he should help you deal with this and bring the rapist to justice, it`s awful to have undergone such a thing!
   
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Re: Should I tell my boyfriend - December 15th 2018, 06:39 PM

Don't let that Rapist threaten you with fear. You need to take control of this and go to your boyfriend, your parents, the authorities, a trusted adult and report his ass.
   
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