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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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Is this considered rape? - September 29th 2020, 06:00 PM

In January 2019, I met this guy at my Job. He started taking me home from work since we live in the same neighborhood and we became friends. In April 2019, we became friends with benefits. The thing is is that at the time he was 40 and I was 20. Everything was consensual. Due to the fact that there’s a 20 year age gap, is this considered rape?
   
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Re: Is this considered rape? - September 29th 2020, 06:20 PM

If you are both over the age of consent, and are a consenting ADULTS, then it was not rape and was in fact consensual sex. If you are feeling regretful about the decision, it is possible that he may have taken advantage of you, which can feel just as terrible. I hope this helped clear things up!


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Re: Is this considered rape? - October 1st 2020, 03:08 AM

Unless your intellectual age is under 18 (and it's obviously not) then it is not rape. Age of consent varies around the world and I believe there's just one country that sets it at 21. I suggest doing research, statutory rape is not always rape in the literal sense; it just means that the law sees minors as being incapable of making a reasonable decision when it comes to having sex.

This is why most countries (and US states) sets it between 16-18.


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Re: Is this considered rape? - October 2nd 2020, 11:29 PM

No, if you are of the legal age and consented to the sex it is not rape. Just because there's a large age gap does not make it rape, once you're of the age of majority. If having sex with someone that much older bothered you in some way emotionally, though, perhaps that's something you could explore, or maybe you can promise yourself you'll only be intimate with those in a certain age group.



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Re: Is this considered rape? - October 4th 2020, 07:24 PM

Hi there,

The others have given great responses and I agree. You are both above the age of consent and you mentioned that the sex was consensual (i.e. he didn't force himself on you).

People have different preferences when it comes to intimacy, an age group is one of them. For example, someone might choose to have consensual sex with someone else who is around the same age as them, whereas others don't really have a bar on age so long as the individual is above legal age of consent.

Rape refers to circumstances whereby sex is forcibly conducted on an unwilling or non-consenting individual. If you have consented to having sex with this man and he has been respectful of you, then this would not be considered rape.

Hope this clarifies!
   
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Re: Is this considered rape? - November 5th 2020, 10:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mallika View Post
Hi there,

The others have given great responses and I agree. You are both above the age of consent and you mentioned that the sex was consensual (i.e. he didn't force himself on you).

People have different preferences when it comes to intimacy, an age group is one of them. For example, someone might choose to have consensual sex with someone else who is around the same age as them, whereas others don't really have a bar on age so long as the individual is above legal age of consent.

Rape refers to circumstances whereby sex is forcibly conducted on an unwilling or non-consenting individual. If you have consented to having sex with this man and he has been respectful of you, then this would not be considered rape.

Hope this clarifies!
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Re: Is this considered rape? - November 15th 2020, 03:45 PM

[Edited] The age gap does not matter at 20 because, being an adult, your brain was sufficiently developed to understand what you were doing and the ramifications. Consent is based on that understanding. Even if he was 120 years old, it wouldn't be rape. If you were under 18 or so, it would be different.

Last edited by Celyn; November 16th 2020 at 07:20 PM. Reason: Please treat all users with respect (Code of Conduct)
   
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Re: Is this considered rape? - November 16th 2020, 07:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Proud90sKid View Post
[Edited] The age gap does not matter at 20 because, being an adult, your brain was sufficiently developed to understand what you were doing and the ramifications. Consent is based on that understanding. Even if he was 120 years old, it wouldn't be rape. If you were under 18 or so, it would be different.
Just wanted to clarify that an age gap doesn't necessarily equate to rape. Age matters only so much that you are of the age of consent (usually between the ages of 16-18).

But consent, in general, isn't just about age, development or understanding, but also whether you actually wanted and agreed to sexual activity. So long as both you and the other person are of the age of consent, are capable of making a consensual decision, and actually want to engage in sexual activity, then it is not rape. If any one of these factors aren't present, whether that's being under the age of consent, being incapacitated (whether through intellectual disability, or use of substances) or simply not wanting to engage in sexual activity/feeling coerced, then it would be classed as rape.

Seeing as this thread has received sufficient responses, I'll go ahead and close the thread. OP, feel free to send me a PM if you'd like this thread to be re-opened.


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