Non-PG13: Trauma?

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Hello! So a few years ago me and my neighbor (we were both very young) “experimented” and I was the one to bring up the idea (I think) as in that time I started getting curious about my body and didn’t know any better. I have a vague memory of this but I have one worry: the word might get out that it happened a few times and I will get arrested. I need to tell someone and fast but idk how. Please, help.[/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]To be more clear: I’m worried I caused some trauma and idk what to do.[/size][/color][/font]

[Ennui.]

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this!

You said that you were both very young when this experimenting took place. Believe it or not, it is actually natural for little kids to be curious about their bodies and the bodies of other people and want to explore them, such as by "playing doctor," or through other means. Some examples of when it would be problematic include if either one of you was acting out due to child abuse, there was anger involved, there was an age gap where one of you was much older, or if either of you were harming the other. But, young children do engage in exploration in this way.

Since you were both young when this happened, I don't think you will get arrested since kids do innocently explore like this. I'd see it as an issue if you were a teen or adult when this happened, but not with two little kids.

It is possible that your neighbor doesn't even remember this has happened. If you want, you can talk to them, but consider whether or not this will do more harm than good. You can let your neighbor know that you remember what happened when you two were younger and ask if everything is all right. This is only optional, of course.

But, I don't think you'll get arrested for this and it doesn't make you a bad person! Experimentation is definitely normal for a lot of people during their childhood, and it sounds like that is what happened here.

Best of luck!
Dez

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Originally Posted by Spoons

Hi there,

I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with this!

You said that you were both very young when this experimenting took place. Believe it or not, it is actually natural for little kids to be curious about their bodies and the bodies of other people and want to explore them, such as by "playing doctor," or through other means. Some examples of when it would be problematic include if either one of you was acting out due to child abuse, there was anger involved, there was an age gap where one of you was much older, or if either of you were harming the other. But, young children do engage in exploration in this way.

Since you were both young when this happened, I don't think you will get arrested since kids do innocently explore like this. I'd see it as an issue if you were a teen or adult when this happened, but not with two little kids.

It is possible that your neighbor doesn't even remember this has happened. If you want, you can talk to them, but consider whether or not this will do more harm than good. You can let your neighbor know that you remember what happened when you two were younger and ask if everything is all right. This is only optional, of course.

But, I don't think you'll get arrested for this and it doesn't make you a bad person! Experimentation is definitely normal for a lot of people during their childhood, and it sounds like that is what happened here.

Best of luck!
Dez

Hello! To be more clear we had the s3x BUT I only found it and didn't know what it was or that it was wrong and I hope he won't get any truama about it but I'm still worried that he will tell and I'll go to jail. Again, we were very young at the time[/size][/color][/font]

[Celyn]

Hey there,

Sorry to hear about the situation that happened when you were younger. If you were very young and didn't have much of an understanding of sex, then it's unlikely that you would go to jail.

However, this depends on the age you were at the time and the age of criminal responsibility in your country. For example, in the UK, anyone aged 10 and above can be arrested and charged with a crime, but those under, cannot. Even then, the youth criminal justice system may be different to the adult criminal justice system to take into consideration the age, development and intentions (whether you knew what you were doing) of the young person.

Similarly, you might want to look into the age of consent in your country. In the UK, the age of consent is 16. Sexual activity under that age is considered illegal, however, the law may be more concerned with an adult (18+) being involved with an under 16 year old compared to two under 16s being sexual, even if it is illegal.

It's difficult to say whether the neighbour may have experienced trauma as everyone is affected by things differently. Child-on-child abuse is a complicated and not much is known about it. Some may feel traumatised by what they experienced, and some might not. Also, as Dez said, it's normal to be curious and explore bodies (including touching) even at a young age.

If the neighbour was quite a bit younger than you, or was vulnerable in some way (e.g. disabled) and it was repeated and caused trauma, then there is a risk of being charged with a crime, if it was reported. Though your age and development at the time would be taken into consideration. However, that's the worst case scenario and we cannot guarantee that is what would happen as we aren't law professionals.

Since this is bothering you, I'm wondering if there is anyone in your life that you trust that you could talk to about this?

Hope this helps a bit and remember that we are always here for you too.

[Mallika]

Hello there,

Thanks for reaching out! I think Dez and Holly have provided some great answers and I hope you've found some clarification already.

I second them in saying that it's natural for children and adolescents to be curious about their bodies. We have all heard of the instance where kids ask their parents, "So, where do babies come from?"

You don't have to feel guilty or ashamed, and you certainly won't go to jail for engaging in such intimacy out of mere curiosity. Like Dez and Holly have mentioned, intent is a factor that is considered when sex-related crimes are concerned. Unless it's a case of rape, molest or abuse, you are not going to be charged for this.

Since both of you were merely curious and there doesn't seem to be an element of abuse at the time the incident occurred between the both of you, I wouldn't worry too much about the onslaught of trauma as a result of this incident. No doubt every individual is different, but by and large, trauma often occurs after an individual has been through an emotionally and physically distressing period. The activities you both engaged in don't seem to be of that nature, at least based on what you have described. However, if you're in touch with your neighbour, it wouldn't do any harm to ask him gently about this incident, if you feel that you need some closure on this matter.

I hope this clarifies and feel free to reach out to any of us if you have any questions!