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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Noire Offline
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Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 01:47 AM

Sometimes the lines between something that is rape and something that isn't are so thin it is really hard to define them. But I have a specific situation I want to know about. Say you are in a relationship with someone, and normally you're fine with it, but at some point or another you just really don't want to have sex. You don't say yes, but you don't say no either, and just kind of oblige half-heartedly, almost like you are resigned to it. Some of the times like this you get into it a little bit, maybe even orgasm, and some of the time you really don't; you just kind of view yourself as a tool for their use and let them have sex with you because it pleases them, even though you don't want it.

Is this rape in any way?


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 02:13 AM

I don't think its rape, but if you don't feel comfortable or 'trapped' in a sexual relatonship it can still be traumatic.



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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 02:18 AM

well.. I personally wouldn't call it "rape", only because they are not pushing for it while you are saying no. That being said, if you don't want to have sex for whatever reason, your partner should know that, and respect that fact. If they know you don't really want to be intimate but they are pushing anyway, then it's abusive, but i still wouldn't say it's rape unless you're actively resisting.

If they keep not-quite-forcing-you, but you still don't want to do something at whatever times, then you should probably sit them down and let them know how your feeling about it.
   
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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 02:43 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sitting on the shitter View Post
I don't think its rape, but if you don't feel comfortable or 'trapped' in a sexual relatonship it can still be traumatic.
Very true, I'd not let yourself be so excepting of it if you are not into it. It will likely spred seeds of unhappy in the relationship and in you. My guess is it is not good for either. I hope that you are able to figure this out in the safest way possible for you... or whoever would be in the situation.


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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 01:19 PM

It probably isn't considered rape since you didn't actually say no, but, like others have said, it's still a traumatic thing even if it isn't technically considered rape. It seems to really be bothering you, does your boyfriend know how you feel? Maybe you should consider telling someone to get a little moral support


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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 05:00 PM

I've never really thought about that before ~ I've been in that situation but because it's a long term relationship you don't really think of it like that. I would only think of it as technically being rape if you made it clear you didn't want to and were still forced into it.


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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 05:48 PM

I go along with sex for my partner sometimes when Im not in the mood because they are, and I want to please them because they are my partner?

Rape is technically sex commited when one partner is not consenting. Someone said this involves 'actively resisting', I would argue you can have lack of consent without that. However, you didnt sound like your partner is pushing? Does the other person know you don't want sex? or are they pressuring you into it? They can only know you really don't want if you tell them. I think you need to increase communication about this to come to a solution.

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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 07:06 PM

From what you're saying it just feels like you weren't in the mood. Kind of like when the man comes home from work and the woman wants to have sex with her husband, but he'll just reply "I'm too tired for it", something like that. Or like when a guy asks his girlfriend to give him a blowjob when the girlfriend is the type that doesn't like giving blowjobs, but will still do it to please her partner. Does that make sense to you? That's how I'm viewing what you're saying anyway.

I know you had told me a few times that you felt your sex drive is always skyrocketing, perhaps it is not so much of a high sex drive anymore?(not saying it'll be permanent)

I noticed you mentioned that you maybe felt like a simple sex tool for your partner. Is the sex between you and your partner emotionless? No more passion? No more fire? Exhausted all of the (kinky&dirty)options when it comes to sex with your partner, that it's finally become boring to you? Maybe the relationship is emotionless that it's effecting the sex? We both know that there's a difference between having an orgasm with feeling and an orgasm with emptiness. Like another poster said, you might want to talk about this to your partner if it's something emotional that is lacking.

That's my reply for you Jordan, I know you're a grown woman and you'll be able to tell if this is starting to become rape or not rape to you or if something in the relationship is starting to become dull or lacking.

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Re: Is it rape if...? - August 24th 2010, 07:42 PM

I'm going to agree with what others have said.. although it can be considered rape even if you're in a relationship, didn't verbally say no etc, there's a difference between not being in the mood to have sex, being too tired, half-heartedly saying yes and so on, and being forced into sex against your will. So no, I wouldn't say this is rape.

This is something you should talk to your boyfriend about; let him know how you're feeling about sex right now and that you want things to change. If he's worth it, he will understand and won't push you into things you don't want to be doing.



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