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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TheBabyEater Offline
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Another was it rape thread =3 - August 12th 2011, 03:42 PM

I have a friend who is 100% convinced she was raped. (Ironically after she found out about my own past) Her story?

She had a boyfriend that wanted to have sex and she didn't. He didn't force her, physically or emotionally. She just regrets having sex with him since the relationship ended so horribly. According to her, he wasn't that good at it. A bit rough, but she never even said no or was in any way incapable of saying no. (Intoxicated, drugged, forced, whatever)

Honestly, it pisses me off that she's tried to convince me she was 'raped.' Just because you regret having sex with someone -after- the relationship ended, doesn't mean you have the right to claim he raped you. It upsets me because... (trying to figure out how to word this in a way that doesn't sound stupid) but it seems like she gives us other victims like. A bad name of some sort. I've spent years getting over my past, deciphering it, remembering it, forgetting it, and fighting it. I've gotten to the point where I can actually talk about it to some people, even help others who have gone through similar situations, then she comes along and cries rape when I'm personally doubting if it ever was.

This is a turn of events too, later she said that it was rape because he said that he would break up with her if she didn't have sex with him. And? She could have left him =/ It's not like they had been going out for years and years and were madly in love, or it's not like he threatened to hurt her or her life or her friends. Just that he would get sex somewhere else. I still don't think it's rape. I think it's her giving into some low life guy.

So long story short, how do I even begin to deal with this? I'm hardly friends with this girl anymore, because of all the crap she's pulled on me. But for whatever reason it irks me that I could ever be so close to someone that lies about rape. (She didn't just give me this sob story, she's told pretty much everyone she hang out with) Sometimes it bugs me so much I get worse in my own struggle from the past -.-

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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another was it rape thread =3 - August 12th 2011, 04:07 PM

Hey Marissa

This sounds like a very frustrating position to be in and I really feel for you It's not fair that someone can make you feel like that after you've spent so long getting yourself to a place where you are able to begin to talk about what happened to you. Don't let this girl ruin all the hard work you've done. You sound like you've really fought to get where you are now

The thing about rape is it isn't black and white. People's persceptions of it vary, do you think she genuinly thinks she was raped and is confused of it's actual definition?

You mentioned you aren't really friends with her anymore, I know that I don't really know you or her, but in my opinion I'd say that was a pretty good thing, particularly if it's going to hinder you Is there anything you feel you can do to help you move on from this? Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about how you're feeling about this? I'm always here if you want a chat

You've been through a lot, keep going and stay strong. Take care
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another was it rape thread =3 - August 26th 2011, 06:45 AM

to be honest i wouldn't really give her your time and deal with her. it wasnt rape because after it had happened she wouldnt have wanted to be with him or anywhere near him. also it sounds like shes making the whole thing up. ya okay she regrets it now because they are over, we all regret things that we have done with our boyfriends after the realationship but we have to deal with it. and the part about him saying he will break up with her if she doesnt have sex with her isn't rape because she went along with it. truely if she didnt want to then she would have just left him. so i feel your frustration, but in this case she just wants attention. its not something she would be sharing with everyone if it was rape plus i bet shes telling different stories to everyone and changing it up a little bit. just another girl who wants attention so badly she will make something up. if you want your proof that it didnt happen just simply ask the guy about it. but you dont need all of that put down on you.
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Re: Another was it rape thread =3 - August 30th 2011, 09:50 PM

You have every right to tell her "You weren't raped, I was raped, if he didn't force you, and you didn't say no, you weren't raped. Just because he was being an asshole saying he would break up with you if he didn't doesn't make it rape, you could've left him."

It honestly helps if you just speak your mind sometimes, God forbid she actually reports him or begins to use that as an excuse for any of her behavior or actions.

When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.

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Re: Another was it rape thread =3 - August 30th 2011, 10:28 PM

that must be very frustrating it frustrates me she didnt get raped she regrets having sex two different things just tell her you didnt get raped you regret it and our trying to make yourself innocent when you made the mistake so accpet it and move on i dont think there is a nice way to tell her but when i was raped i surely didnt go off telling all my friends or anyone in that matter i was terrified and for years i couldnt get over it i find this girl to be ridiculous now im frustrated with her and i dont even know her i totally get where your coming from you have a right to be mad just move on dont let it get to you good luck

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Another was it rape thread =3 - August 31st 2011, 06:56 AM


Unless she is withholding some vital information, it's obvious that she wasn't raped. However, there are two possible scenarios.

1. It is possible that she could be confused on what rape actually means, and she may legitimately think she was raped since he pressured her for sex. She may feel that since he pressured her it was rape. While it was wrong of him to pressure her, unless he physically forced her to have sex with him. From what you have said, it seems as if she consented to sex with him.

2. She could simply be craving attention or regretting the relationship.

However, since the first scenario is possible, I would inform her that she has not been raped. If she legitimately thinks she has been raped, she may wind up reporting it and ruining the life of an innocent individual. After speaking with her about this, you should definitely continue to distance yourself from her if she impacting your life in a negative way.
Good luck!

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