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Rape and Abuse If you or someone you know is being abused in any way and you need support or advice, don't hesitate to reach out to us here.

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helloovee Offline
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Is this considered date rape, or any type of rape? - December 24th 2011, 05:25 PM

I had a thing with this guy, lets call him Jake, and basically we kissed and stuff when we were drunk. Or just in general, we werent in a relationship, sortof friends with benefits. NOTHING serious. this went on for 2 weeks.

then we stopped, i stopped kissing him ,holding hands etc., it just ended cause i realized i dont find the guy attractive at all and found nothing good in him. in the 2 weeks that we were "friends with benefits" we had sex one time and it was terrible cause i wasnt ready and felt pressured. but that was my choice. it was kindof the reason why i wanted to stop the friends with benefits cause i felt disgusting doing it and told him i didnt wanna do it again.

so basically after it ended, about a week later, i was invited by a friend to go drink at his house, and i agreed. the guy, jake, was also there and had drank about 3 hours ago, it was obvious he was already close to sober by the time i got there.

we walked for an hour to go buy more vodka, and by the time we got back to the other guys house, it was obvious jake was pretty much sober. i drank 11 shots of vodka, i know, stupid stupid mistake. basically, i completely blacked out and dont remember anything. my friends told me i wasnt talking AT all, i juist kept staring at nothing and doing nothing. when i woke up, the house was completely unfamiliar to me, i didnt remember ANYTHING that happened, at all. i found out that jake had sex with me that night. i have no rememberence of it. i confornted him and he said that i agreed to it, which is a lie because everyone there said i was completely unconcious and was not talking at all. when i told him this, he said "well, i was drunk too! so it was an accident!" which is also a lie because like i said, he already sobered up before i even drank.'

is this rape? i feel disgusted by what he did and he even said that i passed out while he was doing it!!!!!! how disgusting is that!!!! i dont remember any of it at all, and he thinks its ok what he did, by i dont think it is. what do you guys think? is this rape? or its not rape since we had sex before? i feel like he took advantage but i want other peoples opinion..
   
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Re: Is this considered date rape, or any type of rape? - December 24th 2011, 06:01 PM

Hi there.

Yes what he did to you is rape. He did not have your consent to do anything. I am really sorry to hear this has happened to you. But I strongly suggest telling your local authorities about this. I know that will be the hard part. But you do have proof by what others have told you that you were completely unconscious when it happened. And telling them it did happen will make it so he can't try it on another girl again.

Best of luck with telling the proper authorities.
   
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Re: Is this considered date rape, or any type of rape? - December 24th 2011, 07:26 PM

Yeah, I hate to say it, but Jake did in fact rape you. If you are not of concious mind (which, being drunk is clearly not a case of being of concious mind), you cannot technically consent to sex.
Now, one of the big problems with this is that you were drinking underaged (assuming your age on your profile is correct), so authorities may question that or ask who supplied the alcohol. Regardless, you need to report this to the authorities and take proper action. Explain everything and leave nothing out. By reporting it, you're helping to keep the same thing from happening to someone else. "I was drunk," should never be an excuse.


“Don't get too comfortable with who you are at any given time. You may miss the opportunity to become who you want to be." ~Jon Bon Jovi

   
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Re: Is this considered date rape, or any type of rape? - December 24th 2011, 07:48 PM

i dont really understand why this needs to be reported...
thank god, i wasnt hurt. i have class with him every day and i am beyond embarassed to even admit this happened to me. i only told 1 of my friends (aside from who was there) i cant believe i put my self in a situation where this can happen to me...
   
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Re: Is this considered date rape, or any type of rape? - December 24th 2011, 08:59 PM

Yes, it is rape. You were not in the right state of mind to consent & you did not want it.

You need to report it to make sure he doesn't do it to any other girls & he can get in a lot of trouble for it.
   
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Re: Is this considered date rape, or any type of rape? - December 24th 2011, 10:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by helloovee View Post
i dont really understand why this needs to be reported...
thank god, i wasnt hurt. i have class with him every day and i am beyond embarassed to even admit this happened to me. i only told 1 of my friends (aside from who was there) i cant believe i put my self in a situation where this can happen to me...
It needs to be reported because date rape -is- a crime. Although you may have made yourself vulnerable by drinking, it is his responsibility to not take advantage of you. If you don't report it, it may happen again to another girl. Rape (of any kind) can be difficult to cope with and the last thing you want is for him to do something to another girl (whether he will or not, you don't know and I'm sure you'd rather not risk it). I know you don't think he's a criminal, but he did commit a serious crime and needs to be brought to justice.


“Don't get too comfortable with who you are at any given time. You may miss the opportunity to become who you want to be." ~Jon Bon Jovi

   
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