Hallucinations + paranoia

[Em0bxy]

So I used to struggle with hallucinations, had since fourth grade. But they stopped sometime mid-April...well, they're back. Story time! Yesterday during school was day 2 of the hallucinations being back, and they were BAD. I mean to the point I didn't know if one of them was real or not. So in what my lovely school is changing to ELA - LA, I started to see black, blurry, indistinct figures, and they were almost everywhere. I had my head down and a hand through my hair to block my vision(if you can imagine how that looks). My teacher, let's call her RM. RM came over and asked if I was okay. I said no. We stepped out of the room. "Was it the movie?" She asked. "No," I stated. She had worked so hard to prevent me from being triggered due to the movie we were watching.. I glanced behind her for a split second and I saw one of the blurry figures, expect this time more realistic, I knew it was fake still. Later in gym class, I'd say 1.5 hours later. I was looking into the boys locker room office window, and I saw a man, standing there, all shady and black, looking at me. This man looked realer than I was feeling, so I asked my friend E if she saw it. "What man?" She asked. She moved around to see if she could see it more. Then I proceeded to ask my friends T and D about it. T made me go tell a teacher, and D comforted me. I went up to my teacher, lets call him AR. AR was helping someone, but then when he finished I stated "can we speak for a moment?" he said sure. We stepped to the side and I almost started crying. "I'm hallucinating really badly right now and it's freaking me out," I said, with a quiet and shaky voice(If you can't tell I'm a writer by how I do my said LOL). "Okay, let's go to the nurse and get you some help," He reassured me. As we walked to the nurse he asked what I was seeing. I explained briefly and all he said was "oh" but it didn't phase me. That's what I would have said too. Now, up to this moment I hadn't been feeling much paranoia besides my usual "Omg is L and K going to kill me again?!" We reached the gym doors and I felt like even AR was going to hurt me. I stepped behind him a little to we weren't side by side and said "It's giving me really bad paranoia" and he said "you're okay, let's go get you some help, okay?" ABOUT HALF AN HOUR LATER the social worker came in. I talked to her a little bit and then she called my mother. Turns out RK(the social worker) and SC(The Behavioral Tech Support) was bringing me home. As I got into RK's car I got a spike of paranoia, so I didn't talk the whole ride and texted my mother. For the half an hour I was in the nurses office, I spent it texting my mother and best friend and boyfriend. I have a psych appointment today and my mother told me to tell my psych about what's been going on with the hallucinations.
I'm scared. I don't know what's going on. I don't know how to deal with this even though nobody knew up until this year, and I've struggled with them since fourth grade(I'm going into eighth)...

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I’m sorry you’re going through this!
For the hallucinations that you’re not sure are real or not, I’ve heard of people taking pictures of their surroundings. If the thing you’re hallucinating isn’t in the picture you know it’s not real.
100% be honest at your psych appointment. I don’t know if you take any medications or if that’s something you’d consider but it may help. Antipsychotics are commonly used for hallucinations but I’m not sure if they can be used in minors so definitely ask your psych. They might have suggestions on how to deal with it anyway, meds or not.
In past posts you’ve mentioned having safe teachers at school so I’d also let them know so they can try and help.

[Em0bxy]

I'm on an antipsychotic right now but they might have to up it if this continues. I'm on 40 mg, which is the starting dose. Today during school I self-harmed because of the hallucinations but I didn't tell the teacher why I self-harmed, but I told her I did, so that's a step closer. During math and WIN I was freaking about because there was a man in the woods and I asked my friend LB and RZ if they saw him and they didn't, so that's when I realized it was a hallucination and I was like jeez with the one teacher whose an asshole about mental health, I ain't tellin him.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

The thing about psych meds in general is that they're not one size fits all, unfortunately. I've been on three antipsychotics at different times because they can also be used in bipolar patients, and they definitely all can come with their risks and benefits. Don't get discouraged if you do have to raise the dose or change to a new medication entirely, because you'll find the med combination that works the best for you!

You definitely don't have to tell the teacher who isn't understanding of mental health, but it was great that you did tell the other teacher that you self harmed, even if you didn't tell her why yet.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello, I am sorry about what you have been going through and I hope that you will be okay soon and everything works out for you.

[Em0bxy]

Originally Posted by ¯|_(ツ)_|¯

The thing about psych meds in general is that they're not one size fits all, unfortunately. I've been on three antipsychotics at different times because they can also be used in bipolar patients, and they definitely all can come with their risks and benefits. Don't get discouraged if you do have to raise the dose or change to a new medication entirely, because you'll find the med combination that works the best for you!

You definitely don't have to tell the teacher who isn't understanding of mental health, but it was great that you did tell the other teacher that you self harmed, even if you didn't tell her why yet.

Yeah, this is my second antipsychotic. The one I'm on right now most commonly treats schizophrenia so I hope that if the dosage gets upped in the future, the hallucinations get impacted. I was never on a dose high enough with both of my antipsychotics to do anything about the hallucinations. I woke up about fifty minutes ago and I kept seeing small dots of lights outside my window like little dotted eyes that I see sometimes on the figures I see, and I got really bad paranoia that I was gonna get sh0t at or something if I got up or laid back down so I was just sitting there with my heart racing for about 45 minutes.

[Em0bxy]

Something else that has been happening lately is without realizing I've been isolating myself and then not recognizing what's real and what's not. I feel like either everything(including my hallucinations) are real and sometimes I feel like everything fake and I'm living in a game or dream world. I don't know if this is connected to the hallucinations and paranoia, but it's also concerning me.

[Em0bxy]

Today I had to leave school early because of it but I covered it for just "really bad anxiety" even though I told one teacher the truth about the situation. I was taking some heavy deep breaths and my teacher asked if I was okay and before I got the chance to respond she said "negative?" and I shrugged. She called the social worker and we met her in the nurses office. Long story short I got a ride home but I hate having to keep leaving school, and today they were real...I know the man in the woods was real...but at the same time I don't know if anything is real anymore...

[Mindfulness.]

Hello there,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and how you're feeling. It can hard to experience all of this at the same time.

If you ever need someone to just listen, my inbox is always open.

[Em0bxy]

Okay thanks!

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hi, I really hope that you are doing okay.

[Proud90sKid]

If it werent for the age, it would sound like a schizophrenia spectrum condition may be developing, though that can sometimes happen in childhood. That may sound scary, but fortunately there are effective medications that can treat the condition now with minimal side effects. Have you had an audio hallucinations? Is your paranoia more “anxiety” or does it take on a depth that you later realize defies reality? I ask because people confuse paranoia with anxiety all the time and also because it is unusual to have schizophrenia and primarily visual hallucinations. In almost all cases, they are auditory(ie. hearing voices). You should see a psychologist. Also, perhaps it is not a psychological condition, but some form of partial seizure. Do you ever experience intense deja vu during these experiences? Sometimes adolescents just have weird things happen, but if it is causing this much distress it is worth getting evaluated for. May also be simple panic attacks that make you believe you are hallucinating.

[Em0bxy]

I do get auditory hallucinations a lot too. It ranges from uncoherent whispering to a older phone ringing. I have an anxiety disorder and this feeling is different.. it's like feeling like someone is constantly watching me and it's an almost all the time thing. And I don't really experience deja vu in these situation. And it could be the panic attacks but I don't know because they happen at different times.