Threatening phone calls from discriminating parents

[therealgenderbender]

Hey everyone, I'm having a huge problem with my best friend's parents. It all started about a month ago. My best friend, who we're going to call Emily, told her mom she was best friends with a gay person; me. Her mom told her to stay away from me, stop talking to me, refuse to hang out with me, and to stop texting me. The reason for this was because I was "too old" to be her friend, because I'm a 19 year old senior in high school and she's 15 going on 16. Emily refused to obey her mom and continued to stay close friends with me, because she saw nothing wrong with my age nor my sexuality.

Recently, Emily's dad called me and told me that if I don't stop talking to Emily, that he'd call the police and arrest me, and her mom called me today and threatened the same thing. Emily's mom also started to beat her for getting caught texting me. I don't know what to do, any advice?

[Ennui.]

Hi there,

As far as I am aware, the police can't arrest you just for being friends with someone younger than you. There are plenty of freshmen (14, 15 years old) who are friends with seniors (18, 19 years old), or even current high school students who remain friends with those who have graduated. As long as you don't do anything inappropriate with someone who is underage (ie sexual acts), which doesn't seem to be the case here, you should be fine in that angle.

Maybe since you are still in high school, you and her can speak to someone such as a guidance counselor or teacher about this? You can explain the situation the two of you are going through, such as how her parents are threatening you just because of your age and sexuality, and even explain how Emily's parents are beating her because of this. Maybe they can give you some suggestions on how to handle the situation, or speak with her parents.

If you feel as if her, or your, safety is at any type of risk by continuing to converse with each other, though, then it may be best to try and limit communication, or keep communication on the down-low, just so nobody's safety is put at risk. For example, she doesn't deserve to be beaten. If you really want to continue to speak with her, make sure that safety precautions are taken, such as deleting any texts after they are sent, or messaging on Facebook or through email and then deleting the messages or logging out of the account, but again, make sure everyone is safe!

-Dez

[therealgenderbender]

Originally Posted by Terabithia.

Hi there,

As far as I am aware, the police can't arrest you just for being friends with someone younger than you. There are plenty of freshmen (14, 15 years old) who are friends with seniors (18, 19 years old), or even current high school students who remain friends with those who have graduated. As long as you don't do anything inappropriate with someone who is underage (ie sexual acts), which doesn't seem to be the case here, you should be fine in that angle.

Maybe since you are still in high school, you and her can speak to someone such as a guidance counselor or teacher about this? You can explain the situation the two of you are going through, such as how her parents are threatening you just because of your age and sexuality, and even explain how Emily's parents are beating her because of this. Maybe they can give you some suggestions on how to handle the situation, or speak with her parents.

If you feel as if her, or your, safety is at any type of risk by continuing to converse with each other, though, then it may be best to try and limit communication, or keep communication on the down-low, just so nobody's safety is put at risk. For example, she doesn't deserve to be beaten. If you really want to continue to speak with her, make sure that safety precautions are taken, such as deleting any texts after they are sent, or messaging on Facebook or through email and then deleting the messages or logging out of the account, but again, make sure everyone is safe!

-Dez

Thank you so much for your advice. I'll see a guidance councilor after the break is over. I just don't want this to get out of hand with the abuse.

[Always *]

Her parents behaviour is definitely wildly abusive. I'd talk to someone soon like Terabithia said. At the very least it's extremely inappropriate for a parent to threaten you and beat a kid simply cause they do not approve of a friendship. My parents didn't approve of plenty of my high school friends. In their defense, those friends used drugs or had other noticeable problems. Yet if I continued any how my parents never did anything but hum and haw about it. But clearly you know that the reaction at hand is very abnormal. I'm just thinking if all they did was disapprove, yeah, that'd hurt, but it's the way out there stuff that's obviously disturbing.

Even if the parents weren't beating her for being friends with you the fact their threatening you is reason enough to follow through with some kind of professional consultation. (counsellors, cops, etc.) I would start by talking to your friend and letting her know you'd like to do something about what's happening, and since her getting beaten means she's being very hurt by it you should definitely talk to a counsellor first. Maybe you guys should keep your communication on the DL till school comes back in, just make sure that her parents won't be breathing down her neck and catching her, but maybe makes sure that she communicates and lets you know she's ok so you won't have to worry as much but have her delete messages right away.

You might want to talk to the guidance counsellor about whether or not you should speak to the police. That way if they DO try talking to the cops and accusing you of tons of shit you already have gone to them and let them know what's going on, that way they don't exagerate stuff and make the situation sound wildly inaccurate. I say you should speak to someone like a counsellor first because if you go to the cops they might HAVE to pursue action even before your friend can say if she really wants it.

But your friend does deserve to be safe, so that might be the best bet. But that leads me to the second point. Can your friend come stay with you or someone else? She might want to have somewhere safe lined up to take off to if it gets out of control.

[Corrupted]

I completely understand parents wanting to be protective, but from what you said, they have gone way too far. If they beat her for texting you and then still have the audacity to put you down for being her friend and then go as far to make legal threats, there is something seriously wrong. I agree with what Dez said about seeing a guidance counselor. I suggest that you see your school counselor and see where things turn from there.

[therealgenderbender]

Thank you guys so much for your support and advice. I'm definitely going to speak to an adult about this, who can help me with this situation.