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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
anonymous567890 Offline
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Angry Arguing with parents - September 27th 2015, 03:32 PM

Keep arguing with my parents. they don't understand me! my dad constantly keeps pushing my buttons, irritating me, singing at me. Told him to shut up but he tells me I'm disrespectful and should treat him better. How the hell? He's the one being disrespectful. Im so bloody angry and i punch walls and throw things to get my anger out because i don't want to start self harming again. Help me please
   
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Re: Arguing with parents - September 27th 2015, 06:16 PM

Hi
Arguing with parents is sometimes really frustrating. I know when I argue with mine it's difficult to make them understand me.
I used to have screaming matches with mine constantly, and that only ended in tears, and often made me feel worse than what started the argument in the first place. I found it best to approach things calmly with my parents, because then they're more inclined to listen. I know it sounds simple, but honestly talking things through is usually the easiest way to make things better.
I'm sure your Dad will listen to you if you make him sit down and really talk to him. Getting him to understand how you really feel, and articulating emotions, is probably better for you too. It's a way to let things out I think.
Hope everything looks up!
x


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Re: Arguing with parents - September 27th 2015, 08:20 PM

Hey,

I agree with what has already been posted. I know arguing with parents can be triggering sometimes but I do think talking things through will help. When you're upset with your parents it's easy to say something in the heat of the moment. Try walking away or talking a few deep breaths to help you calm down a little bit to reduce saying something that could cause an argument. Do your parents know about your self harm? Maybe you could explain some of your triggers and let your parents know how they can help you with them.


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Re: Arguing with parents - September 27th 2015, 11:27 PM

Hi there.

I'm sorry you've been having arguments with your parents lately. It sounds really upsetting for you. I agree with the above posters.

When someone is upsetting you and seemingly intentionally doing things to frustrate you, it can be understandable that you'd have a rude response because after all; this person is pushing your buttons. The thing is, doing so can sometimes escalate the argument leading to more hurt feelings on both sides rather than having a productive impact that will prevent this in the future. I suggest venting your frustrations in a more polite way to him. What he's doing doesn't sound okay so let him know that in a calm conversation. Sit down with your dad when he isn't busy and apologize for saying rude things to him but also let him know about what upsets you and how you'd really appreciate if he wouldn't say/do those things as it really upsets you.

Remember, we all get upset and we also do things that upsets and irritates others which is why it's a good idea to let the people around us know when they do something upsetting in a calm and respectful way. That has the potential of a much more positive outcome of resolving or at least improving the issue than it does to lash out. And lashing out is common when you bottle your feelings up or don't feel you can express it. Outlets (creative hobbies and writing) along with communication can help a lot. You may also find it helpful to take walks and/or try things on the self-harm alternatives list when you're struggling with urges and difficult feelings.

Hope things with your parents improve for you soon and that this helped somehow. Maybe spend quality time with them as a family? Take care and stay strong.
   
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Re: Arguing with parents - September 28th 2015, 02:02 AM

I totally understand what you're going through. I had similar problems with my dad. The truth was that he provoked me and would take out his bad mood on me, but if I stepped up to the challenge I was being rude, isolent and disrespectful... But... He was being unnecessarily rude to me too, and treating me like I wasn't good enough and stuff.

The thing with parents is that they're not perfect. The older I get, the more that that makes sense because I still don't feel like an "adult". Adults aren't supposed to make mistakes, or doubt themselves or be flawed. "Proper adults" should have their shit together, which simply isn't true. Adults do mess up, adults are flawed, and that doesn't change when you're a parent. Your dad might be reacting to something that only kind of sort of has to do with you, it might also have something to do with things in his life he doesn't want to worry you with (work stress, relationship stress, friendship stress, etc.).

The best thing you can do is to actually be respectful - telling your dad to shut up might not be the best course of action if you don't want him thinking you're being rude, for example. However, telling him that you feel like he is also being rude to you because of X or Y is a much more polite and mature approach. Walking away and refusing to engage in the argument is another valid approach. I'm not saying it'll just solve the problem, but it could help.

Talking to your mom or other parental figure (aunt, grandparent etc.) might also help because he/she might be able to intervene on your behalf and attempt to mediate between the two of you.

I hope this helps.




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Re: Arguing with parents - September 29th 2015, 05:36 PM

Hey there,

You're at the age where you are bound to have disagreements with your parents and there are going to be times when they frustrate you and annoy you. Try to remember that this isn't going to last forever and soon enough before you realise it your relationship with them would have improved and it will be so gradual that you don't even realise it happening. I'm 23 and I still have moments where I disagree with my parents. Majority of the time we get along, but sometimes I need to take a moment for myself and sometimes I need to walk away, and you know what sometimes walking away is the best option because it stops someone from saying something they might not mean. Maybe if you're having an argument and things are getting heated you could walk away and give yourself a little time to yourself and come back and talk when you're ready? There is no shame in walking away sometimes and looking at things from both perspectives and coming to some kind of truce.

Best of luck to you,
Paige


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