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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy My Parents Are Trying To Get Rid Of My Friends - February 7th 2016, 10:37 PM

So this is my first time posting to the time. My parents are separated (sort of) but its a very long complicated story for another day. Currently, i have just returned from my fathers house. On the way to my mothers place (we don't actually own a place yet so we are staying with a friend, basically we lost our house from it being sold without our permission and my father kicked us out of his place but again its a long story for another time) my father suddenly forced me to open up my phone. He started reading through all the texts I've been sending to a very dear friend of mine.
This friend of mine, is different from most boys. He is the kindest, funniest, most understanding, most intelligent and philosophical person I know and we've been friends since 7th grade (I'm in 9th grade right now). He is my dearest friend, but my parents for some reason do not approve of him. They misunderstand him and believe that he is trying to ruin my life by "distracting me" because they don't understand why we talk to each other so much.

So my dad went through all the texts. He send something like this "thats f*cking insane" in response to how much homework i had gotten, which is really an insane amount (he also did censor the word).

My father, when seeing that word, began screaming at me about the foul language we are using. He continued going through all the texts and now, he's taken away my phone for good. He is trying to disconnect all communication between me and my dear friend.
Now, my friend hardly ever curses.
All my classmates curse about five times each sentence. My friend probably only curses once a week. So I really do not see the problem there. But from that one text, father assumed that he uses foul language 100% of the time.

But back to the point. He has taken my phone. Mother and him both started cursing him out and saying horrible things about him, and they called me autistic for talking to a boy who supposedly only cares about gaming (which is absolutely not true. Gaming is only a hobby for us, and I barely have time to play anyways)

They went on to say that I am wasting my time talking to such a person, and that If i don't get straight As i will never talk to him again because they are going to "correct" my behavior.

They went through my grades, which is a C average admittedly but my school is extremely difficult with about 6 hours of homework a night, and I get home around 4:30 most of the time so its a rush fest for me. My parents are the type that demand straight As, so they pinned my "bad grades" all on my friend and decided that its all his fault that Im not some great honor roll student.
They called his parents, who they've only met twice, people who "look like the envious type" and said that when I drop out of high school, that my friend and his family will be laughing in my face.
I do not understand, why they think so negatively of my dearest kind friend, who has complete trust in me and i complete trust in him.
So my phone is gone, taken from me for good.
My father is probably giving him threats right now.

So this is what has taken place to me a mere few minutes ago.
Your thoughts, please? Im trying to figure out a way that I can stop my parents from destroying the friendships I value.
   
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Re: My Parents Are Trying To Get Rid Of My Friends - February 7th 2016, 11:22 PM

The situation you're in sounds very frustrating. Some parents do not realize that many students do curse a lot. I remember my mom was surprised when she went into my school one time because every other word out of someone's mouth was a curse word. I think you should explain the entire situation to your parents.

Explain to your parents that your friend is a close friend of yours and explain some ways he helps you (he's always there for you, you study together, etc). This might make them realize that he is good for you, despite what they think. It might be worth explaining that your friend's cursing was incredibly minor compared to the way other students curse at your school. I think it's worth telling your parents that, while some autistic people are into gaming, gaming as a hobby doesn't necessarily make anyone autistic. Your parents are right in that academics is important, but your friendships are just as important and I hope they're able to realize that.

I know confronting your parents can be really hard but it can help you in the end. If you're not comfortable talking to them verbally, consider writing a note and leaving it where one of your parents will find it.


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Re: My Parents Are Trying To Get Rid Of My Friends - February 8th 2016, 05:01 PM

I won't repeat what Cassado just said, so I'll skip to one of the other things I wanted to touch on. I think something else worth doing is finding a way to contact your friend - borrow a phone at school, get a pay-as-you-go phone but leave it in your locker, or use a computer at school to message (or, better yet, phone) your friend to explain.

If your dad called a flipped shit on his parents, you might want to clear the air, even though you're dad sounds way out of line and like he overreacted out of an irrational sounding need to be overprotective. I'm sure he thinks his heart is in the right place, and Cassado already gave you some tips for your family, but your friends parents might be concerned for you and possibly their kid (e.g. they might not want their kid/your friend to come to your house any more after your dads outburst). Calling or messaging him (using another device) ask asking him to relay certain details might go a long way to repairing the damage.




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