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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Thatnewgirl Offline
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Exclamation So my parents are very strict... - April 30th 2016, 03:01 PM

My parents are strict and I'm not allowed to visit friends cuz most of my friends are boys. I'm 17 soon and I would like to see my friends. My mom checks findmyiphone for my location when I'm out and flips out and gets really mad if I turn it off. Is there a way to fake that location to put it where I'm not when I'm out alone? Please I'm being serious I'm tired of being lonely with no friends because of them
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Re: So my parents are very strict... - April 30th 2016, 05:36 PM

I don't think that there is a way to fake it. It's linked to a GPS and Apple (nor any other company) would make it fake-able because of how that could be used for criminal reasons.

Why don't you try going places your mom will approve of? The mall, a coffee shop, a park etc. as opposed to peoples houses or something and just explain to your friends that it is just something you need to do for a while because your parents are being unreasonable. And then once your mom gets off your case, maybe you can try turning off the GPS thing and say that the system must just be down or whatever.

Also, why does your mom even have access to that information? It sounds like she has a password or something. I know how the Find Your iPhone thing works and my boyfriend (for example) can't just search that up for kicks, he (and others) need a password to access it online or one of my other devices (e.g. my tablet) where the Finding app is automatically logged in.

I think you need to change that password and just stand your ground if your mom gets mad. Of course don't do it (or don't persist) if your mom is going to hurt you or otherwise take things to far.

As your parent, I do think that your mom has a right to know where you are but she should do it openly and honestly. There is nothing that makes me angrier on the behalf of others faster than a parent who refuses to respect their child's privacy and insists on having to be allowed to do X Y and Z to "ensure their safety" when it really boils down to them not trusting their kid and being inappropriately protective (e.g. having passwords, looking through internet history, searching through texts, GPSing their location, etc.). Oh, and half these parents want their kids to "trust" them which is total bull shit because the parents I know who behave(d) like this just ended up creating a situation where their kid tries (or tried) harder to hide things and would lie to their parents and would act out against their parents restrictive and narrow rules. And then the parents bitch about how the kid is acting out as if it never occurred to them that it's their treatment of their kid that is causing it and I'm like "I wonder why?" I've seen the odd kid who didn't mind / care that their parents were incredibly strict, but for the most part, something like what I said happens. It's one thing to have extra protective measures in place if your kid is like, 10, and having to go out and do things independently, but surely by high school parents need to relax it a little.

Soooooo... Change the password. Do what I said with your friends, maybe even invite them over for a movie night (even fi it'll be incredibly awkward because of your mom - maybe seeing that they're not a bunch of miscreants will help her chill out). But also don't lie to her about where you are. Like don't say you're going to study at Starbucks and then go to your friends house. Your mom won't change her restrictive views overnight and it'll hurt your case if she catches you lying. Maybe try studying with your friends in the kitchen. Maybe try spending time with a girl (I know I know, you shouldn't have to) and work in including a guy.

I hope that helps.

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Re: So my parents are very strict... - April 30th 2016, 06:21 PM

Have you tried explaining to your mum that you feel lonely? I think parents always worry about their children's friends, because they have such a big impact on your life. Particularly if most friends are male, parents worry about their motives and such like. But no parent wants their child to be lonely, so I definitely think you should explain that this isn't helping although you understand her concern.

If she still doesn't agree, I would say perhaps you could arrange to meet with your friends in public places, and probably in groups just to be on the safe side. You could also introduce your friends to her through like a passing meeting or something so she realises they are good people to hang with. I agree that it isn't right that your mum gives you so little privacy - particularly as you get older it's something you certainly need.

I would recommend having a serious conversation with your mum about it, and try to get her to meet the, if you can.

Best of luck!

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Re: So my parents are very strict... - April 30th 2016, 06:33 PM

I agree with what's been said. As a parent, she needs to know where you are, but there's a better way of doing that. She's not showing that she trusts you by tracking your location. Showing she trusts you is a big deal.

I really like the idea of going to places your mom would approve of. Maybe you can sit down with her and try to write a list of places she's okay with times she's okay with. This might help her let her guard down a little because you're including her in this process.

You've been given some awesome advice by other people here, and I don't want this to get too long and repetitive. I really hope you're able to work something out and feel free to keep us updated.

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Re: So my parents are very strict... - May 1st 2016, 10:04 PM

about faking the GPS, i've actually been planning things myself.

if you have a car, park where you're "supposed to be" and leave your phone in there, then either walk to where you really want to meet your friends or have one of your friends pick you up.
or if you don't have a car, go to some place where you can rent lockers (can't think of one off the top of my head... maybe an ice skating rink or something?) and put your phone there. just tell your mom you're going there and then do the same thing after she drops you off - walk to where you really want to be, ride a bus/taxi, or get picked up.
OR you could set up a plan with a girl friend, that your mom approves of you hanging out with, where you could drive to/be dropped off at that friends house and leave your phone THERE, then go to the other place. just make sure it's a really chill friend who wouldn't rat you out, and make sure you leave a good lock on your phone and shut it down when you leave it at their house. (you never know, with friends.)

just make sure that you wear a watch or something so that you can get back to where you're "supposed" to be in time to either drive back home or be picked up by your mom.
it would be awful if you lost track of time and your mom went to pick you up, only to find out you weren't there.

EDIT: or, y'know, you could follow everyone else's advice and be honest and open and all that. yeah, that would probably be better... i guess. ugh, sorry, i got excited there. -.-
but just in case the sneaky, lying path is the one you want to take, i'm here to help you devise a plan whenever you need me. c:

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Last edited by Jess~; May 1st 2016 at 10:08 PM. Reason: to seem like a good child who follows the rules
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