Need advice! Aunt overstepping (TW for brief discussion of mental health)

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]My mother is a single mother, and it's just been the two of us my whole life. As such, we are very close. We fight way more than is healthy, but in the end, she is the person I care for the most. My Aunt is a long-time friend of my mother's- we aren't actually related, it's an honorary title. She works as a psychiatric nurse. During COVID, I started having troubles with online schooling and mental health. It was pretty bad but I got therapy and meds and I'm doing better. However, there was a bit of a dive, and I'm behind in my online schoolwork. We are very close to the end of the year, so it's an urgent problem. Instead of our original mother's day plans, I've been staying with my aunt for the past four days until my mother gets back the day after tomorrow.
I really do love my aunt, but since I've been staying with her she has started to sort of overstep and it feels like she's trying to act like a parental figure for me. Her own kids are grown up and gone, so it's the two of us in her apartment. I don't really know what to do- she's being very generous in letting me stay with her and it's helpful to be here. I just feel like she's overstepping. I'll give a few examples:
A couple of days ago I took a shower and when I was getting ready, she opened the door and walked in on me completely naked. She then proceeded to talk to me for a while before leaving, not closing the door behind her. I'm a kid, and in no circumstance would that ever be anything but ridiculously uncomfortable for me.
She has also started to try to take over my work; I send progress updates to my mother and therapist (she is working with me to help me get stuff done and make a schedule) and she started making me send those to her as well. She also makes me tell her my therapist-approved schedule for the day and continuously snoops at what I am doing on my Chromebook while having me explain it to her and remind her how it fits into the schedule. It's incredibly distracting. Last night, during my free time my therapist appointed me, she tried to make me go through all the late assignments with her because she wanted to change the way we were doing things (the way my therapist has me doing them!) and kept badgering me about it. Her reasoning was that she knew it would work better and mainly, help her to understand my work more. Personally, I feel like I was sent here to work, not for her to learn about how I work and criticize it.
She has also said some things about my mom that made me a bit wary. A bit ago, I made my mom mad. It was completely my fault and I take full responsibility, but while that all was happening she kept acting like she was sorry to let my mom take me because she knew I'd get yelled at. At the time it was sweet, but, as I said, I fully deserved it and it just felt really weird for her to be loudly blaming me while also acting like I shouldn't have to face consequences from my mother. It felt sort of like she was undermining my mom's authority.
Later, after I told my therapist about it on our call, we were working on the schedule for the next day. My Aunt came in and yelled at me because she thought I had sugarcoated it or something? I briefly mentioned the fight in a sentence and she popped in the door and snarled at me to "tell her what really happened. right now" and then stood there waiting for me to talk to my therapist about it and tried to correct me when finished the thing I was telling my therapist. I then took a second to be like I already told her and took responsibility and she was like oh and left. I got no apology or anything, but it was chilling to have her listen in on a private conversation with my therapist. It made me not want to discuss personal things with anyone while I was staying with her because I knew she could be eavesdropping.
Next, there's the phone thing; she has taken it upon herself to randomly take my phone because she sees it as a distraction. I was checking a text from my mother before I put it in my lap earlier, and when she saw it on my chair she confiscated it for the rest of the time until I'm done working. She directly said, "I can't trust you to do anything". It was still unlocked and I really was worried about her going through it. Last night, I had my phone between us on the couch and every time I got a notification she picked it up and read it- she didn't do so to tell me what it was, because she kept doing so sneakily and I only knew it because I caught it out of the corner of my eye. Happily, I don't have the text of the messages displayed when my phone is locked. Still, it felt weird. This was after she also made me stop being on my phone when I was working on my assignments after I was done for the day- I was doing so of my own volition in my free time, in which I am supposed to be allowed to have my phone. I had it in my hand because I had texted my mom and was waiting on a response.
Lastly, I've heard her telling my mother about how I should be doing the thing she suggested for my work, not that which I've been doing as per my therapist and I's plan. I've heard a few other things said to my mom about my lack of accountability (she has done nothing to monitor me, all the work I've been getting done was all my responsibility) and how I'm not getting stuff done and am going to fail. She also has taken to telling me to do things, and when I say after I do the thing I'm in the middle of I'll do it, talking about how I'm not going to do it because I'm not responsible enough and I'll just immediately forget it. Then she cracks a passive-aggressive joke when I do it without her reminding me.
She is still very sweet and I love her a lot, but it feels like she thinks she has as much authority over me as my mom and she does not. Not to be rude, but I don't respect her as much and she is not as important to me as the woman who literally gave birth to me. I overheard her telling my mom that she can keep having me come over here because I'll listen to her (as in, I should be here because I am more obedient to her than my mom). She actually told my mom that when she can't wake me up just send me over here because I'll get up for her. I just feel trapped because she has been overstepping more and more but anything I could say about it would be really rude. I'm sorry to vent but I really need advice. I'll probably be hanging out here a lot in the recent future. [/size]

[Ennui.]

I'm sorry to hear what you are going through!

Do you think that you can maybe set up a meeting with your aunt and your therapist, if that's something you're comfortable with? It would almost be like a "family meeting" where you are able to tell your aunt what's bugging you in a safe environment where it can be mediated by your therapist. It will also help you set some healthy boundaries with your aunt.

If you feel comfortable talking to your aunt you can do so in a way that isn't rude as well. You can let her know that you love her and appreciate her letting you stay over there to get work done, but there are some things that are concerning to you. Use "I feel" statements, like "I feel uncomfortable when I'm walked in on in the shower," instead of something like "You invaded my privacy," because "you statements" make people more defensive while "I statements" make people more receptive. It can help if you outline what you want to say to your aunt before you talk to her, so you have an idea of what you want to tell her.

Or, you can try and tell your mom, maybe over text so your aunt doesn't overhear. Your mom may be able to talk to your aunt and set some boundaries with her.