Lost all my friends

[Nikkkkki]

I really need to vent so ill just post it here

I have really really bad anxiety, so making friends is incredibly difficult. Despite this, last year i got two of the bestest friends ever. They were my first friends in a while and i was so happy. One of the friends became my truly best friend, while the other i started dating. Recently my then girlfriend broke up with me. The breakup didnt even surprise me because i honestly saw it coming. The last month of our relationship she just started being very mean and was tired of me.
After the breakup she said that we can stay friends. This friend thing was horrible. She ignored me one day, was nice the next, super mean the next, and then nice again. I couldnt take it anymore so i got mad at her and told her to be nice to me. We got into a fight and she started telling my best friend what a horrible person i am and all the bad things i did ( all lies btw) my bff got mad at me and said he wont be friends with me anymore. I was devastated. The next day i asked him if he could give me another chance. He said he will think about it. His thinking went on for two weeks. He sometimes sent me memes or told me something but ignored me if i texted him anything. Eventualy i couldnt take it anymore. The feeling of him and my ex (its still the same as before with her) being in total control of the relationship was really taking a toll on my mental health. I was so exhausted. So i told my friend that he needs to make a decision now. And his decision was that he hates me. And i tild my ex we cant talk anymore. Both of them didnt seem to bothered about loosing me. But i am very upset. I feel so lonely and dont know ehat to do. I dont know if i did the wrong thing. I dont even know if i was as good of a person that i think i am. As far as i know i might be just as bad as them.
But yeah. This was just a rant to get things out of my head. Hopefully someone had similair experiences and can share what they did.
And sorry for the horrible grammar im writing this with tears in my eyes

[Ennui.]

I don't think you did the wrong thing here.
First, you deserve people in your life who won't spread lies and won't be kind to you one day and mean to you the next. Friends should be kind to you, and if they're upset with you for some reason, they should be able to talk it out with you and let you know what is going on instead of being mean or spreading rumors. As far as your other friend, I think that he strung you along a bit by sending you memes and telling you things but then ignoring it if you texted him something and refusing to make decisions. It's almost like he lead you on, which isn't fair to you either! You deserve better.
If you do want to try it again with either one of them I'd give it time for things to cool down and then evaluate whether or not you think anything will change if you do try again. Will they continue to treat you in the same way that they are now? If so, it may not be a friendship that is worth pursuing. If you do try one more time, I'd let them know that you want to put things in the past. But, to me, the friends seem sketchy, especially the one who made up lies about you, and that doesn't seem like the type of person you want in your life.
I know you said you have anxiety and it's hard for you to make friends. Does your school or local area have any clubs or volunteering opportunities you can try to take part in? The good thing with those is that you know you have a common interest with the people you are with, so talking about that interest takes the pressure off of figuring out what to talk about. Once you have talked to them for a while the conversations may naturally branch out into other subjects as well.
I think you are a good person, and you deserve to find friends that treat you the right way. I know you can find them.

[Astro04]

I don't think you're a bad person at all.
I think it's better to search someone new, who can comprehend you and stay with you.
You're not so good making friends, but sometimes there's something that can push you go ahead.
This is o ne of that things. You can do it.