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Death, Grieving and Coping With Loss Coping with loss is difficult at any age, but you are not alone during this difficult time. Reach out to other users in this forum.

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Soda_Voxel Offline
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(tw pet death) Dog is dying - February 25th 2022, 06:43 PM

I'm sorry, I don't have the headspace to properly decide whether this fits the grieving or pets category better...please feel free to move this or whatever, i cant think well right now

I knew our family dog, Bubba, was running out of time, and I thought I was ready. But he's either going to pass away tonight or get put down. I didn't think I'd be bothered that much, he never really liked me, hated me even looking at him. But he's still a part of the family, he loves my Mum to death and is really goofy and cute. He's been part of my life for the majority of it. I've grown up with him. I feel so guilty of all the time's I'd say he's a bad dog, or he's annoying, or anything. I wish I'd been better to him. He was laying on the floor this evening, barely conscious, and this time I was petting him longer than I've ever been able to, because he was barely functioning enough to notice.

There's so many things I'll miss about him that I would have found annoying. His loud nails clacking on the floor, his loud obnoxious barking at any person near the door when he was still able to hear, his growling protecting Mum from people, how he always came over for a treat after going outside in the morning.

I thought I was ready. I really really did. In fact, I was encouraging him being put down to stop his pain. But I'm not ready. I'm not.

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Re: (tw pet death) Dog is dying - February 25th 2022, 07:12 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that this is happening with you and your dog. I think it's pretty normal that you thought you were ready and then the time comes and it finally hits you.

The important part to remind yourself of is you can't change the past, but I bet he knows that he was cared for more than you let on. He definitely felt love in the house by your family, especially your mom, and that's the important thing. I know this may seem silly, but maybe if you can get some alone time with your dog you can tell him some things you may have wanted to tell him, even if it's just telling him what you'll miss about him and that everything will be okay.

Do you have any photos of your dog you can use to make a collage or scrapbook, where you write down your favorite memories of him?

Can you also talk to your mom about him? I bet she's feeling really upset over this too, so maybe you two can grieve together.

It is definitely one of those things that gets easier over time. I know when my dog died, I found relief after knowing she wasn't in any pain. Of course I was still upset, but it's all part of the grieving process and it's normal to cry, feel angry, guilty, etc. It eases up over time. <3

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Re: (tw pet death) Dog is dying - February 25th 2022, 08:27 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that the family dog is about to pass away. It's never easy to lose a pet, and you can never be truly ready for it no matter how much you think you are. It's ok to feel how you're feeling right now.

I think Dez's suggestion of spending time alone with the dog is a great idea. Believe it or not, animals hear us even if they don't have as complex understanding of human language as we do. They recognize the human(s) that have been a major role in their life, they'll hear your voice, and even sense the emotions you're feeling. Dogs, and a lot of other animals, can sense human pain and grief.

I know your mom is probably telling you to leave him be, but I would spend as much time with him as you can now. Get everything out in the open with him, so there is no regret on your part after he passes away.

I again agree with Dez and think it'd be a good idea to talk to your mom about how you're feeling. How you feel remorse at the way you treated the dog in the past, how he never bonded with you as much as he did with her, and spend time grieving together. I'm sure your mom would appreciate it!

We're here for you, Soda. <3
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Re: (tw pet death) Dog is dying - February 27th 2022, 07:33 AM

I'm so sorry to hear. It's never easy to lose a pet and if you need anything, feel free to message me.

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Re: (tw pet death) Dog is dying - March 3rd 2022, 02:16 AM

Hi Soda,

I'm so sorry for your loss. As the users above me said, there never really is a 'ready', no matter how long you've had your pet or how long you've known their time was coming. Unfortunately it's still going to be difficult, because Bubba was a part of your life and adjusting to his absence will take time and gentleness. Even if you weren't as close to him as other members of your family were, you were still a big part of his life and I'm sure he appreciated your presence.

Dogs don't hold grudges the way people do, so the times that you said he was bad or annoying won't have affected him they way they're still affecting you; it might take some time to forgive yourself for them, but I hope it helps to know that he wouldn't have held them against you. We all say things we don't mean sometimes, or things that we do mean but not in the way they came out (such as calling someone annoying when what we mean is that we're annoyed with them right that moment), but that doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you weren't good to your dog.

I've found that when we lose someone, whether it's a pet or a person, we often become acutely aware of things we took for granted - and our feelings about those things can abruptly change. Like you said, things that were once annoying become the things we miss the most, things that we barely noticed at the time become the ones we remember best. I'd encourage you to be open to these changes, allowing yourself to feel however you feel without judgement (or even action, if you're not ready for it - sometimes we just have to sit with our feelings before acting on them), and leaving room in your heart for those feelings to grow, develop, and eventually settle into more long-term forms (the kind of softer grief that you can still live with, rather than the intense, debilitating grief we often feel in the immediate aftermath of a loss).

I would also encourage you to reach out for help if and when you need it. Sometimes sharing memories or stories about a lost loved one can help, so you might want to talk to your mum or other family members about Bubba and his passing. It's also okay if you're not ready to talk about it yet, so be gentle with yourself if you feel less sociable or more withdrawn for a while. If you're not comfortable talking to someone about it, you could also write out your feelings - whether that's in the form of a diary, blog, letter, poem, or any other form you're drawn to. You could also think about things you might want to do to honour Bubba's memory, if you're so inclined, such as planting a tree, making a scrapbook or memorial, or maybe even donating to an animal shelter. However you want to grieve, as long as it's not harmful to yourself or others, is totally okay.

I hope this was helpful, and that the grieving process goes as smoothly for you as it can. Please feel free to reach out if you want to talk further about any of this or feel like you need more support or advice, and in the meantime I hope you're taking care of yourself during this difficult time.

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Re: (tw pet death) Dog is dying - March 14th 2022, 12:12 PM

It's okay to not feel ready. Even when you know and try to mentally or emotionally prepare for death, I don't think you can ever feel 100% ready.

I've never had a pet but I have suffered other losses in my life and I am aware that grieving a pet often feels like grieving a family member. Your dog was a part of your family and your life for years, so it's natural that you will feel like you are grieving a loved one.

Try not to beat yourself up about how you should've treated him. It's very natural to find some things annoying about your dog and perhaps to have reacted in the moment, something that you might now regret. But dogs are very forgiving, so it's unlikely to have bothered him, and while you can't go back into the past to change that, you were there for him when it mattered the most

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Re: (tw pet death) Dog is dying - September 23rd 2022, 06:49 AM

I'm sorry, listened and agreed
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