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Peer Pressure and Bullying Social pressure can take many different forms, including intimidation, bullying and even physical attacks. If you feel you could be a victim or perpetrator (who wishes to stop) of bullying, talk about it here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
~anongirl~ Offline
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Angry REALLY annoying girl at school - August 21st 2016, 01:32 AM

There is this extremely weird girl at school. I say this bluntly and maybe a bit rudely only because many students have tried to make this clear to her, but she really doesn't get it (or maybe she's just playing dumb? idk...)

Everyone gossips about her like 24/7, no joke!

Like she'll say really awkward stuff, things that are unnecessary, etc...
She also likes to victimize herself. A LOT.

In Health class, the teacher was talking about visiting the doctor once or twice annually because it's good for you, and out of nowhere she's all like, "some people visit the doctor more than once like I do, because I have asthma!!"

Like, okayyy...?

She also says lame stuff like "well i can't do that because I'm afraid of the dark". She also rants on and on about her personal life like how she gets anxiety a lot, and we were doing a school activity in the gym where all of our grade was in the same gym so it got pretty crowded, and she's starts crying really hard because she says she gets "Anxiety" and whatnot. I understand severe anxiety is really difficult to deal with, (I get it too in certain situations that trigger it), but she didn't have to be so dramatic. Sometimes I feel like she does this fake crying thing to get attention and expecting everyone to pamper her. I know its a cruel thing to say about someone with an issue like this, but its obvious when someone is genuinely having a hard time, and when someone's fake crying!

Everyone rolls their eyes when she does annoying or lame stuff, and when she raises her hand in class to say something in class, it just gets so awkward! It's so annoying. I sound like a brat, I know, but I tried to be nice to her in the beginning of the year but she's just IMPOSSIBLE.

She even goes up to me and my friends and gives us big hugs, and it really annoys us cuz it's not like she's our friend or anything...
When she sees people eating food or some candy she likes, she'll literally go up to them and ask for some, even if she's not even close to them! It's so awkward. One upper-classmen at our school was eating cookies that this annoying girl liked and she asked for some from her!

Anyways, these are my questions:
Am I being a bully here?
How can someone politely tell someone they don't want to be friends?
How do I reject her hugs without being mean?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 21st 2016, 02:04 AM

I can't really tell you if you're being a bully*, HOWEVER, I don't think you have any reason to be mean or impolite. There's no way for you to know for sure what's going on in her life, and her actions may be her way of dealing with it. While I also don't know why she does what she does, I'm going to try to give a few examples of possible reasons. It's possible she's looking for validation for her anxiety and other things because the people in her family ignore it. As for food, you have no way for sure to know whether or not she's eating enough at home. It's very possible that she could just be more hungry than embarrassed to ask for food. While it may appear obvious to you when someone is fake crying, this is something you can't know for sure. Sometimes it may appear to be fake while it's actually real. Even if she is crying on purpose, there's a reason behind it. I think more than likely she is having a really hard time, whether she was crying for real or not. You're going to have to be around people that annoy you your whole life, and more than likely you're going to have to work with them.

I would say the best way to turn down her hugs would be to just politely tell her that you're uncomfortable with hugs and would appreciate it if she respects your boundaries. As for not being her friend, you don't have to invite her to hangout and stuff but you also shouldn't be mean or rude.

*There's more to being a bully than someone being rude or mean. There has to be some sort of power play at hand and it sounds like you just find her actions annoying. If the entire school is outwardly being mean to her, repeatedly, or rejecting and humiliating her then this could be bullying. Which would make the participants bullies. I think this link highlights what makes a bully pretty well



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 21st 2016, 03:42 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by raindrop14 View Post
There is this extremely weird girl at school. I say this bluntly and maybe a bit rudely only because many students have tried to make this clear to her, but she really doesn't get it (or maybe she's just playing dumb? idk...)

Everyone gossips about her like 24/7, no joke!

Like she'll say really awkward stuff, things that are unnecessary, etc...
She also likes to victimize herself. A LOT.

In Health class, the teacher was talking about visiting the doctor once or twice annually because it's good for you, and out of nowhere she's all like, "some people visit the doctor more than once like I do, because I have asthma!!"

Like, okayyy...?

She also says lame stuff like "well i can't do that because I'm afraid of the dark". She also rants on and on about her personal life like how she gets anxiety a lot, and we were doing a school activity in the gym where all of our grade was in the same gym so it got pretty crowded, and she's starts crying really hard because she says she gets "Anxiety" and whatnot. I understand severe anxiety is really difficult to deal with, (I get it too in certain situations that trigger it), but she didn't have to be so dramatic. Sometimes I feel like she does this fake crying thing to get attention and expecting everyone to pamper her. I know its a cruel thing to say about someone with an issue like this, but its obvious when someone is genuinely having a hard time, and when someone's fake crying!

Everyone rolls their eyes when she does annoying or lame stuff, and when she raises her hand in class to say something in class, it just gets so awkward! It's so annoying. I sound like a brat, I know, but I tried to be nice to her in the beginning of the year but she's just IMPOSSIBLE.

She even goes up to me and my friends and gives us big hugs, and it really annoys us cuz it's not like she's our friend or anything...
When she sees people eating food or some candy she likes, she'll literally go up to them and ask for some, even if she's not even close to them! It's so awkward. One upper-classmen at our school was eating cookies that this annoying girl liked and she asked for some from her!

Anyways, these are my questions:
Am I being a bully here?
How can someone politely tell someone they don't want to be friends?
How do I reject her hugs without being mean?
Maybe she has neglectful parents.
Maybe she's not eating enough at home
Maybe she was abused and has anxiety

You never truly know what people go through. You should talk to your counselor confidentially about her maybe they can pry and find out more about her.

When your life sucks, a smile or a how are you is saving grace.
   
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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 21st 2016, 10:53 AM

How about you just leave her alone and stop picking at why you perceive to be her 'faults'. Maybe she does have severe anxiety or requires attention. Maybe she's not getting it at home. Why don't you stop being a bully and actually go over to her and ask if she's alright?


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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 22nd 2016, 03:57 AM

well in my opinion, despite how "annoying" and "awkward" and "weird" she is, you're being pretty freaking harsh on her.

as the users above have said, you don't know what goes on behind closed doors.
and even if her home life is absolutely perfect, who are you to deny someone's validity in having legitimate problems?
i know these days it's all "cool" and "edgy" to fake mental illnesses and issues, but you really can't determine if that's her case just because her crying sounds "fake".
only a professional psychologist can check her out for sure and until she gets that diagnosis or not, nobody should judge her for claiming she has issues.

why don't we just say she WAS actually faking the anxiety and all that. there's a reason she wants attention so badly! maybe she's mistreated or ignored at home. nobody knows. crazy that people are such complex creatures that what we see on the surface is rarely ever a true representation of what's really going on.

i'm sorry, i know i sound snappy. this just hit a nerve with me, because i know exactly what it feels like to be that awkward, weird kid that nobody wants to be around and that everyone dislikes.
i also know people like that now, and i can assure you that there are other ways to deal with them rather than nitpicking at every little thing they do or say in class.

maybe you should step up and be the ONLY mature and reasonable kid in the school, and offer the freaking girl some acceptance?


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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 22nd 2016, 05:41 AM

Ok, so this girl annoys you, believe me I've known people like that, and it can be frustrating. Here's the thing though, Like others have said, you don't know what's going on behind the scenes. It's really none of your business what she says or does or why, and there's probably very little that you can actually do about it. Unless you want to help her fit in better, just let her be. There will be people in the world who annoy you, the sooner you learn how to deal with them respectfully, the easier your life will be.

I can't say from this whether you're bullying her or not, but you are being rather harsh. It's fine if you don't want to be friends with her, and you did try to be nice just be gentle about telling her. If you don't want her to hug you, that's okay, just ask that she please not hug you, that it makes you uncomfortable.


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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 22nd 2016, 09:02 AM

Just be honest. None of us here are going to say you have to be friends with her, because you don't, and being friends with someone you don't like never ends well. Just tell her you would prefer it if she didn't hug you, and that's the end of it.
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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 22nd 2016, 01:53 PM

Just be pleasant to her. There is no need to be friends just don't be a jerk.
   
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Re: REALLY annoying girl at school - August 23rd 2016, 02:05 AM

Thank you everyone, for all your replies. I am totally understanding as to why you're being harsh...I am a total jerk and I'm starting to become (almost) a bully, in a way.

Believe it or not, I am also kind of the awkward, shy, "never says anything" kid with few friends. Thankfully, it has gotten better this year and I am getting better at coping with Anxiety and other stuff that's been going on at school last year.

And although this may sound surprising from my post, I actually try to be nice to people who are like her. I really do. In the beginning of the year, I really tried to say hi to her a few times, and smiled, and small acts like that. When those kids talk about her, I step back and try not to engage in the conversation (I hate gossiping so freaking much).

This post was the first time I've vented to anyone about her. It's the first time I've poured my feelings out about what I think about her. It's just that it becomes SO HARD to be nice to people like her. It sounds nasty, but its just so hard because of her behavior and the things she does.

Next time she does something that makes me uncomfortable, I'll try addressing it in a better and nicer way than making her feel bad.

Thanks everyone,

~raindrop14
   
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