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organizedchaos Offline
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School Nerves! - September 6th 2017, 05:16 AM

Okay so I was really excited for college to start, but now I'm freaking out! Holy shit I feel like my heart is going to explode out of my chest right now!

It's not the classes that I'm really worried about either... Only a couple of them because they're the ones I'm interested in pursuing as a career and I have serious self worth issues so I'm worried I'm going to suck at them and find something else to do with my life. The rest of them are required for me to graduate high school (since this is technically still my senior year) so they're basic introductory courses that should be fine since I've always been and honors and AP level student.

What I'm terrified about is making friends... I've gone a few years now with no one, and even when I did have friends they weren't good for me. So now I don't even know if I'm capable of healthy relationships (again I have zero self worth).

This is my chance to have a fresh start and make life worth living. I don't want to spend another year with no friends spending all of my free time hiding in my room depressed because I'm all alone. I'm terrified because if I can't do it here, then what happens when I go off to a 4 year school next year? If I can't do it here then I won't be able to do it there either, and after that in the real world I'll be just as screwed. I'll just be alone forever.

I used to be good at this, but after years of being alone I'm starting to wonder if I even deserve friends.

A few weeks ago I did this thing at a college and I was ok there after a bumpy start, but this feels different. this isn't just one night this is my first year of college it feels so huge...

I don't know anymore. I'm freaking out and I can't sleep but I need to, and I need some advice. How should I act? What should I say or do if I start to get nervous? I'm also scared if they know I'm still only 17 they won't want to hang out with me, do you think that's true? Is it weird to just go up to a group of people and try talking to them, or should I try just talking to people that are alone? And what about clubs, would it be weird if I joined some of them, because a few of them seem really cool but I feel like anything I do there is going to be viewed as weird...I'm really freaking out right now guys this literally just hit me like a punch to the face.
   
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Re: School Nerves! - September 8th 2017, 01:54 PM

I understand the pressure to do well in the subjects you are interested in. But I also think that we tend to learn more about the things we find interesting, so maybe this will go in your favour. And if not, it's totally acceptable to change your studies or career path.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't have friends and that the ones you did have weren't good for you. It's interesting that you made the link between your low self-worth and lack of good friends. When we feel unworthy in general, we can also feel unworthy of good friends too, which can make making friends difficult as we may just think that we don't deserve them. But despite how you feel about yourself, it is still possible to form healthy friendships, even if it just takes a bit more effort. Also, even if you don't have friends, it doesn't mean that you have to stay hidden in your room. What about if you went out even if by yourself? You never know what people you might come across who could potentially be friends if you stay hidden in your room.

Another thing to remember is to not put pressure on yourself. When we put pressure on ourselves it can make us feel much worse if things don't go to plan. Even if worst case scenario you don't make friends now, it doesn't mean that you won't make friends when you go to a 4 year school next year (for me, I spent years of school alone, right until the last year, where I made 1 friend, then went to university, and made a small group of friends, so it is possible!)

You should be yourself, as clichéd as that sounds. It's no good pretending to be someone your not. I don't think anyone is going to judge you by your age as when you are 17 and 18, it's often common to socialise with others who are a little younger or older. Try whatever approach you feel comfortable with, and it may help to look for those with similar interests as you so clubs may definitely help and it won't make you look weird at all.


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Re: School Nerves! - September 8th 2017, 05:21 PM

Nobody deserves friends more than someone who feels like they don't have any. I think a lot of us can relate though, and I think a lot of people are having a hard time connecting with others and meeting people who are good for them. When I got to college, I ended up dropping a bunch of friends I had because I realized the friendships were toxic, and then when I graduated college I ended a bunch of the friendships I had at that time as well.

I've made a lot of my friends through work though, so I recommend getting a part time job, especially on campus if you can. Clubs are also a good option, and I also recommend attending events that your residence hall puts on. I rarely went to those when I was in school, and I missed out on meeting most of the people in my dorm. I'm a bit of an introvert myself, so going out and attend events and clubs was difficult, but it is the best way to meet people. However, college does make it easier to build friendships as everyone will live near you, and each class will have a different group of people you can get to know.

Overall though, don't stress too much. Everyone gets nervous making the transition into college, and unless someone is a complete social butterfly, chances are they feel the same as you. Try befriending your roommate right away so that you have a buddy to grab food with, and don't be afraid to make small talk with people you sit next to in class. Also, don't worry about your age. People stop caring about how old you are after high school. One of my best friends in college was 3 years older than me, and now most of my friends are in their mid to late 20's and it's not weird at all.

For now, I think you should focus on increasing your confidence and how you see yourself. That takes time, but I do recommend working on it. You should be proud of all your accomplishments! I also recommend taking some time to think positive thoughts about yourself, that can really go a long way.


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