Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Screaming thread.

[London_grace]

Tired. A lot on my mind.

[Tigereyes]

I can't make friends. I'll never be able to. It hurts to much to try and I'm already in enough pain, but you say I have to make other friends, but I've already tried and failed.
I've lost everyone. Not trying is the only way to reduce the pain. I wish I had died three and a half years ago before I could have hurt everyone as much as I have now. I'm a piece of shit. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve to get better. I deserve to lose myself in whatever fucking substance can make me best forget the shit person I am. I don't want to live. I just wish somehow I'd die so I don't have to kill myself because an accident would hurt everyone less.

[Celyn]

Why do I feel like things are going to get worse? So on edge all the time and this is now. Don't want to think about the future.

Hate my fat self

[London_grace]

Today was, one of those days. And I don't know. Just glad it's almost over. Need tomorrow to be better.

[nothereanymore]

I don’t mean to play pain olympics but even apart from the fact that I find it hard to understand your fear of the future of the band being uncertain because one of the members committed statutory rape, my hero is dead. So get over this fear that you MIGHT NOT get to see PTV play as a band again. I WILL NEVER see Chester again. I find it very hard to be sympathetic.

I just want to run. If I run, I’ll get small, and if I’m small, then I’m safe. And I just want to be safe. I want to feel safe.

I can't sleep.
I am weird.
I am nervous.
I want to die.

[Silvan]

EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG!
how the hell is it possible that right after I somehow, after crying and freaking out I manage to solve one thing, another one appears out of nothing? It's been like that since I came back to school!
Fuck! I've got so much on my head.

By the way, you can't realise this, but today when I looked at you I thought... how are you like that? I don't like you in a romantic way, but you surely are one of the most fascinating people I've ever met. You can handle everything. As much as you never fail to annoy me, I feel considerable respect toward you.

Oh, and you. You happen to be liked by me in a romantic way. Hm. I sometimes wonder how you do it that you're such a social butterfly and an avid nerdy bookworm at the same time.

[.Brittany.]

I hate being a girl, I also hate how bad my cramps get...

[London_grace]

I don't know what to do with this problem.

[Silvan]

It's like that every time. Oh, you like metal bands? I don't believe you, name three albums by X. You say you're a Real Madrid fan? Pfft, you're a girl, you must be doing it for attention, name five players... You play pc games? I know you suck and your high rank is only cos guys let you win...
Like
What the actual fuck?
I'm just trying to live, you fucks. It's not my fault I like what you like, actually, I love what I like.
I know that every time I go to the store and browse through fantasy books, pc magazines and metal CDs (oh, and The Witcher colouring books) you guys will give me disapproving looks as if I didn't belong there. I'm used to that. But I do belong there whoever the fuck I am.

[TheEdenProject]

why can't you just leave me alone with all my shit?
let me deal with my addiction alone, i told you i am already getting help, yet you think telling my mum will make things better, as if she didn't have anything else to worry about especially now....
it will make things worse but you don't believe me. just believe me for one fucking second and stop thinking like you know what's best for me. you have no fucking idea what i'm going through on a daily basis without the drugs and it's too fucking hard for me to just stop like that now too. i got caught up in them, alright? and i need to sort this myself.

my mum doesn't need to know she raised a failure. she has more important problems than that right now and i need to take care of her.

I wonder when you will realize that people dislike talking to you because you are exceptionally rude AND you live in a state of denial. There is no point talking to someone who is in denial

why did I eat so much today? I’m going to weigh so much tomorrow morning and I’m going to end up cutting because I’m going to be over X. I have to cut if I’m over X. I wish I said I couldn’t go to the staff party. Parties mean food and I can’t avoid it. I don’t know what to do. I can’t eat. Food is bad. Food will kill me.

I hate myself so goddamn much

[nothereanymore]

Here’s to working eleven of the next fourteen days if I don’t kill myself first. And only having $5.66 until the 19th.

[London_grace]

I'm tired, not a lot of sleep.

I'm getting tired of this, why does the winter have to be so brutal?

[London_grace]

My head and stomach hurts.

[TheEdenProject]

i just feel so tired of everything.

[London_grace]

You say horrible things to me and you think it's ok. But it's not. I don't talk like that to you.

[Kate*]

I have no idea why it's taking so long, but since it's now 15 minutes from me, why do I have to wait 3 more days?! And please let this work and be safe!

[London_grace]

Tired, need more sleep.

The urges to harm myself are so extreme and random.

Sitting here and all I can think is "I should be dead"

Reading a book and I start thinking "Maybe I should cut"

My urges used to make sense and they don't any longer

[TheEdenProject]

i'm running out again...... i need more.... i'm running out again...
which is bad.. i won't get more in time... i'm going to have to face withdrawals again....

[London_grace]

I don't know what to do anymore! And my stomach hurts. Everything is getting too me, my friends are fighting. Let's just have everything be ok and no one is fighting.

[Storyteller.]

I wanted to sleep in today but my cats did not and now I'm tired and not in the best mood.

I want to die.
I want to scream.
I want to disappear.
Have this interview coming up and feel like it would be best to just kill myself before.

[London_grace]

My ankle is hurting me so much and I don't know what to do.

I am really anxious!
Maybe I'll take some medication and try and get back to sleep for a bit

[London_grace]

I need my ankle to stop hurting.

[nothereanymore]

It was going so well then you had to remind me about the phone bill.

I am disgusting

UGH, I think I have another yeast infection.

[Kate*]

Really, I want to go back now?! And I was doing so well. I guess it's true that music can trigger the shit out of you.

[London_grace]

It is too much for me. And my ankle hurts so much and I am keeping it from my parents. I feel like giving up. I don't know right now. What to do.

If they won't help him with this ... I am going to freak out.
It's been one thing after another with them and if they do this ... when he is so close to finishing ... I am going to have to tell him that I can't handle being around them.
I have put up with their shit non-stop ... but this...I won't.

[Thinking]

i cant sleep, results will be announced tomorrow... anxiety overflow...

[Kate*]

I'm not offended, I know it's not personal, but getting that message out is IMPORTANT and it's kind of the cornerstone of my life philosophy.