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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
JollyRancher. Offline
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Rambles of a Lady who wants to say Hello - May 14th 2021, 06:25 AM

My words have always been prettier than my being,
They always seem to speak out every emotion that i want others to feel. Unlike the tedious lie of overjoy and happiness that my being puts out.

I've always been the commanding one. The one to be seen walking into the room. Call it a yell for help, a way to ask for approval. Call it attention seeking. When i was younger, you'd hear me come. My laughter and dramatics could be heard from down the halls. My complaints, whines, and good mornings and even my hugs. I'd come in with stories of adventures, though not extreme, still large spoken stories. Ignore all the displeasured looks and roll of eyes.

Now, i barely can stand to say a word. Fear fills my being at every interaction. My writing speaks what my voice fails to. More focus on story telling than anything else. But when someone reaches out to talk, I want to talk. I want to say hello. Want to speak up.

But would they even listen? Or will it just be roll of eyes and silence again. Fear of aloneness drives me to the one thing i don't want. To be alone..

So to my friend, you know who you are. I saw the messages on that group. I wanted to comment just like everyone else did, but the fear got to close. And as our other friend said, triggered might be the correct word to describe part of my unconscious fear of not being accepted and being alone.
So if you can, i ask of you. Just casual mention me saying hello. I won't ask for more, maybe I should ask for less.. maybe instead of hello, hi works instead.

And maybe soon I'll actually stop being afraid. Maybe soon I'll say hello again myself. Maybe soon, I'll be okay.


Used to be Misslostintears
If you ever want to talk or something, i am always here.
I've been around for a while now.

If someone tells you that something you love is wrong,
THEY ARE WRONG
IF someone tries to destroy your dreams,
SHOW THEM THAT WHAT THEY DO IS NOT GOING TO STOP YOU

YOU ARE YOUR OWN BOSS,
IT'S YOUR LIFE,
LIVE IT YOUR WAY!


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Ennui. Offline
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Re: Rambles of a Lady who wants to say Hello - May 14th 2021, 02:05 PM

You should comment. <3 I think we’d love to hear from you. I miss your energy!


Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Rambles of a Lady who wants to say Hello - May 15th 2021, 02:38 AM

This is great!


  (#4 (permalink)) Old
Celyn Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Rambles of a Lady who wants to say Hello - May 16th 2021, 11:23 AM

I think you should comment too! This really spoke to me because I feel like I could've written this as well. But you do deserve to be heard. Thank you for sharing


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Arabesque- golfing girl. Offline
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Jeez, get a life!
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Re: Rambles of a Lady who wants to say Hello - May 23rd 2021, 11:10 AM

This was lovely, sending you.


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"Dance is your pulse, your heartbeat,
It’s the rhythm
of your life.

It’s the expression
in time and movement,

in happiness, joy, sadness and envy.
-Jacques d’Ambroise''
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Rambles of a Lady who wants to say Hello - May 26th 2021, 06:17 PM

You have a wonderful writing style.


It's enough to live a live with love until we die
Autism, Depression, Anxiety
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