Triggering: Stories

[Em0bxy]

Story #1(unfinished):
I walked into the school building, looking forward to having a good day today. I got to see my boyfriend, have some classes with him and my friends, and go to my favorite activity after school. Today had to be a good day, right? Well little did I know I was wrong by a longshot. I would be having a panic attack and have to go to the ER because I thought I was dying and fainted.
I walked over to the social worker at school for my morning safety check-in. Afterward, she walked me up to homeroom, where I saw my boyfriend in the way.
“Hey!” I said excitedly and hugged Max. “Hey! How are you, love?” Max asked. “I’m okay!” I smiled. I walked into my homeroom as he walked into his. I sat down and noticed my leg bouncing, weird. What’s giving me anxiety?
I was able to pull myself together before anybody noticed, and my leg stopped bouncing. Already a start to a bad day. I didn’t want a bad day today. I saw my homeroom teacher, who I then realized noticed my anxiety when I walked into the room.
We headed off to our first two classes, which went by smoothly, I couldn’t complain. In science we learned about space and our surrounding planets. Social Studies we were on our genecide unit.
I sat down next to Max in my next class. My leg started to bounce again and my breathing got sharp. It was Max that was giving me anxiety, which didn’t make sense? He never did anything to hurt me. Besides grab me a few times, but that’s really it, it wasn’t meant to be harmful, right? My mind started to spiral into reasons Max could be giving me anxiety, which was only giving me more anxiety.
My hands started to shake and I started to hyperventilate. “Woah, are you okay, hon?” Max asked. I shook my head. “C-can you g-get Mrs. A?” I whispered. He nodded and stood up, walking up to the teacher.
“Hey, Aria’s having a panic attack, she asked for me to get you,” Max said. “I think she’s just overreacting but you know, that’s how she always is, the overdramatic queen that never can make things about others, but you can go talk to her, I’ll stay back here,” Max added. “That’s not really nice to say, especially since she’s your girlfriend,” Mrs. A said as she walked passed him. Mrs. A came over to me and knelt down beside me. I started to choke on my own breath and coughed.
“Breathe, deep breath in, deep breath out, what’s going on?” Mrs. A asked. “I don’t know… It’s s-scaring me…Ow-” I caught myself off guard with a chest pain and grasped at my chest. “That f-fricking hurt…I feel like I-I’m d-dying…” I choked out through sobs. My heart was pounding. “You’re not…I don’t think it’s smart for you to sit over here, I notice whenever your around Max you get anxiety, do you want to come sit up by me?” Mrs. A asked. I nodded. She grabbed my back pack and computer so I only had to walk to her desk. I suddenly collapsed. My knees were too shaky for me to walk.
“Woah, are you okay?” Mrs. A said, after she heard my fall. “J-just shaky k-knees…” I stood up again and walked over to her desk and sat down. I started to rock back and forth as I began to fel lightheaded. I suddenly couldn’t talk anymore, and I was hyperventilating. “If you keep hyperventilating, you’re going to faint,” Mrs. A said
I put my head down on the table and started to cry even harder. “The only thing he’s done to me is grab me, I don’t get it, why is this happening?!” I cried. “He’s grabbed you? Who? Max? What did he do?” Mrs. A sounded even more concerned. She sat at her desk and faced me. “He dragged me to choir when I didn’t want to go, but it wasn’t even that big of a deal, and yes, it was Max,” I said through a shaky voice. Suddenly, I fainted from hyperventilating. “Shit.”
I woke up in an ambulance, an EMT placing an oximeter on my finger. “Woah, what the hell!? Where am I?” I shot at the EMT. “Hey, calm down, you fainted during class and we just want to make sure you’re okay,” The EMT calmly explained. “I was having a panic attack, I’m fine!” I had trauma with ambulances from when I was younger, going inpatient because of my panic attacks.
I was in the hospital, thankfully not the psych ward. A doctor came into the room. “So, what exactly happened?” The doctor asked me. “I was having a panic attack, I was hyperventilating a little too hard and I fainted, It’s a normal occurance for me, I don’t know why i’m here,” I explained. “You shouldn’t be in this part of the hospital then, you should be evaluated.”
Next thing I know I was being transported to the psychatric unit in the hospital. I started crying and shaking again. “Not here again, no no no,” I murmured in the bed. I was sobbing at this rate when the clinician came in.
“What’s going on?” The clinician asked. “I was having a damn panic attack and I fainted and I was brought to the hospital and now I have to be reevaluated! I don’t need to go to a damn mental hospital, I need to go home! I’m fricking 16, I don’t deserve this!” I cried. “Yeah…but you seem pretty fragile right now, crying because your in a section of the hospital you don’t want to be in? Panic attacks? Does sound like you need atleast some outpatient treatment,” The clinician explained. “I’m fine! I have generalized anxiety disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder, I have trauma from being searched for drugs by cops in the section of the hospital! You can’t expect me to stay calm right now, can you?” I snapped. “Attitude…yep. For the anxiety we might send you inpatient so you can learn to cope with the things that trigger you,”
“How am I supposed to cope with things that trigger me if I’m not around those things!”
“You do have a point. Fine, will you settle at outpatient therapy?”
“Yes…”
“Okay, you’ll be discharged in a few, go make your ride call,”
I was super happy to be leaving the hospital, and I know my parents won’t make me have to go back through the outpatient center, because it was a toxic and unhelpful environment for me to be in.
I went to go call my mother. “Mom! I’m discharging!” I smiled on the phone. “Okay, we’ll be there in a few minutes, Mrs. A called and is going to stop by later to see how you’re doing, okay?” My mother said. “Oh..okay,” I got less enthusiastic, and more sympathetic.
She’s making time out of her day for…me? The doctor came by with my mother and the discharge paperwork for her to sign and then I was free to go. As I was changing my clothes I couldn’t stop thinking about what Max had said to Mrs. A. It wasn’t too by a longshot. I was always hiding the way I felt.
When we got out to the car I grabbed my phone from the hospital bag and texted him.
Me: Hey….
Max: you’re out..
Me: Yeah…
Me: Why’d you say that cruel stuff to Mrs. A?
Max: What are you talking about?
Me: Don’t you dare try to f---king gaslight me.
Max: I didn’t say sh!t to her!
Me: That’s not true! You told her I was lying about my panic attack when I was quite literally about to faint!
Max: I didn’t realize you weren’t pretending this time!
Me: I never have! We’re f---king over!
Max: What…
Me: You’ve grabbed me, bossed me around, and played with my emotions, and now you’re trying to gaslight me. I’m done being your toy.
I put my phone on mute and looked out the car window. We were already pulling into our driveway, that was fast. I got out of the car and headed inside the house. I went up to my room and started to cry. My mother came knocking on my door twenty minutes later.
“You have a visitor,” My mother said. I stopped crying and sat up as the door opened. It was Mrs. A.
“Hey, earlier during class…that was scary, wasn’t it?” Mrs. A asked. “I was for sure scared to see you like that,” Mrs. A added. I nodded. “So…how are you feeling now?” Mrs. A asked. “Well…A little shook up, I broke up with Max, I got psychiatrically evaluated, and then you know, the whole panic attack crap, not a great day,” I explained. Mrs. A sat on the edge of my bed. “I get it, I do,” Mrs. A sighed. “I experience panic attacks as well, but it was my job to report the fainting, I knew you’d be okay afterward, but it was my job, and I felt like a jerk for doing that,” Mrs. A added. I nodded softly, looking at my lap.
It was silent for a moment. “When I had panic attacks when I was younger, I used to self-harm to prevent them, and it’d genuinely work, but you want to know why you never see me in short sleeves? I’m ashamed of the scars. I never even told Max I self-harmed. When I had the panic attack this morning, all those same thoughts came whirling into my head,” I explained softly. “I didn’t tell the ER because I didn’t want to go to the hospital again,” I added.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I can't wait to read more from you!

[Mindfulness.]

This is a really good story!

[Em0bxy]

Story 2:
Authors note:
There is a trigger warning for this book with mentions of suicidal ideation, but not very much of it. This story is about two girls falling in love, but one of them is struggling. But this feeling for the other girl is what is saving her from dying. Have fun reading, and I hope you enjoy! I know this is a short story and probably no use in chapters but I still enjoy doing that so you can’t stop me - Ashton
Chapter 1
Emma walked the halls of the school like she owned the place. Her blonde, curly hair bounced gently against her back. Her tan skin was exposed through her tank-top. Everybody moved out of the way for Emma, she was living like a queen.
Emma walked into her homeroom and sat right in the front, throwing her curly blonde hair into a messy bun.
Emma was wearing a white tank top with a black and red tie-dye star in the middle, black cargo pants, and Converse high-tops. Everyone knew Emma was a grunge girl, nobody fought with her about her style, it was just her.
“Good morning,” Mr. Klaubster said to Emma. “Good morning, Sir,” Emma said in a respectful tone. She straightened her posture and put on a smile. Emma glancd over to notice a girl with her head down on the desk. Emma got up from her desk and went over to her.
“Ey, are you okay?” Emma asked nicely. “Hm? Oh…” The girl murmured as she looked up at Emma. “Why would you care? You’re only the most respected person in this school,” The girl snapped. “I was just asking…it’s okay if you don’t want to talk, I’m always a listening ear though,” Emma explained.
Emma looked closely at the girl, her dark, brown, straight hair and dark eyes. Emma paid close attention to the girl, feeling her heart pump in her chest. The girl was wearing a dark red dress with brown cowboy boots. Her body perfectly fit the dress, her curves hitting in just the right spots.
Emma turned away and felt a burst of butterflies in her stomach. For a girl? Emma returned back to her seat and kept glancing back at the girl. She noticed that the girl wasn’t looking at her desk now, but wiping her eyes and grabbing a notepad. OH no… Emma thought. If that’s what she thought it was…it wasn’t going to be good.
Emma tried to ignore the racing thoughts and butterflies in her stomach. The bell rang and everyone had to get to their first class. Luckily that girl and her had classes together all day. Emma will try and learn her name today.
When she saw the girl walk in the opposite direction of class, she shouted down the hall. “Wrong way!” And then turned to her next class. When Emma walked in, the girl followed. Emma sat in the back off the room like always, but today the girl sat a bit closer to Emma than normal.
“Good morning, Ivy,” Mrs. Igloo said. “Morning…” The girl said. Ivy…that’s a name as pretty as her, Emma thought to herself. “Today we’re getting assigned seats, Emma. Can you go sit with Ivy?” Mrs. Igloo said to me. Emma nodded and grabbed her backpack. She walked over to Ivy’s table and sat down.
“So…Ivy, that’s your name, pretty…” Emma said without a thought. “That’s what a lot of people say,” Ivy grumbled. “Sorry to be like everyone else,” Emma chuckled. Emma’s face turned a bright pink, and she felt like there was 1000 butterflies in her stomach.
“You’re the most respected person in the school, yet you chose to talk to a loser like me? What’s up with that?” Ivy asked. “You’re not that much of a loser, for one, you’re gorgeous, and two, you seem really nice,” Emma stated. Ivy blushed a little bit.
For the rest of class, Emma and Ivy were quiet. At the end of class Ivy passed Emma a note…
What on earth…?
























Chapter 2
When Emma walked through the doors of her bedroom, she opened the note that Ivy passed her.
Dear Emma,
You seem like an amazing person, and I’d love to be your friend and all, but I won’t be around much longer, I left a ring taped at the bottom of this note and I want you to have that. Heres my phone number. (+1 123-456-7890) Have a good day
Love, Ivy
What does she mean ‘I won’t be around much longer’, Emma thought. EMma grabbed her phone and texted Ivy.
Emma: Ivy! What did you mean in that letter?
Ivy: Oh…I’m not in the best place of mind
Emma: No- You’re not doing that. You have every reason left to stay alive. Please don’t do it
Ivy: But-
Emma: Let me call you.
Emma pressed the call button, tears streaming down her face. “Look, you can’t kill yourself! I know someone who has the biggest crush on you ever, and they’d be so let down. You can’t kill yourself because I know you have a cat, Auggie, right? You can’t kill youself because you’re going to miss on lifes wonderful opportunities,” Emma pleaded. “Please tell that person to let me go….I’m not worth it,” Ivy complained. “No, you are, you’re a beautiful young woman, you deserve the brightest of days, you deserve to see light at the end of this horrid tunnel…I know how you feel, but I made it out! You can too!” Emma pleaded again.
After hours of giving Ivy advice on why she should stay alive, she listened. This was the moment I realized I had a crush on my first girl, and I just talked them out of suicide.
“What, are you the person who likes me? I mean, I ain’t complaining, but still, who likes me?” Ivy asked. Emma chuckled a bit. “Story for a different day?” Emma asked.






Chapter 3
The next day at school, Emma saw Ivy in homeroom, which took a weight off her shoulders. Ivy saw Emma and waved. She waved back. Emma felt butterflies in her stomach again after seeing Ivy.
Ivy and Emma kept glancing at each other, making eye contact here and there, but otherwise not. Emma tried to focus on her work, but her thoughts kept swirling back to Ivy.
Ivy on the other hand was already done with her work and writing in her journal. Emma wondered what it was about, though she felt like she was just being nosy and didn’t need to know about that. Ivy got up from her desk and walked over to Emma, giving her a note. Emma put the note into her pocket.
“Open it tomorrow…” Ivy commanded. “Okay.” Emma replied calmly. Emma was partially confused why it had to be tomorrow, but she was going to listen to Ivy.
Emma and Ivy got up to head to their first class early, they accidentally bumped shoulders. A warm, fuzzy feeling got sent down Emma’s spine. Ivy and Emma were chatting in the hall together. Emmas face turned a bright red as Ivy reminded her that she was a lesbian.
“Yeah, my parents don’t accept that I like girls, but it’s whatever,” Ivy laughed a bit. “Hey, I accept you, I’m questioning my sexuality right now,” Emma told her. “Wait, what? What’s making you question?” Ivy asked. “Well, theres this girl…and she’s…oh my lord, I can’t even with her, but anyway, it’s not that big of a deal, I’ll tell her when I feel ready, and hope she’s a lesbian,” Emma explained. “Oh…” Ivy seemed disappointed. This is when Emma realized their butterflies intertwined.
Ivy and Emma sat next to each other in their first class because of assigned seating. But Emma was happy about sitting with Ivy. Emma was drawing on her hand with a marker and wrote I+E on it, then quickly scribbled over it. Emma looked over at Ivy and noticed something off.
“Hey, are you okay?” Emma asked. “Oh, haha, yep! Totally okay over here!” Ivy said with a sarcastic tone. “You’re not okay, are you?” Emma paused. “Do you want to talk about it?” Emma finished. “No, I’ll be fine,” Ivy said.
Later, Emma noticed Ivy wasn’t in their next class. Emma texted her.
Emma: Hey, are you okay? Where are you?
Ivy: I went home.
Emma: Wait, why?
Ivy: Because… I'm in love with a straight girl, who I see constantly, and it was breaking my heart, especially since she likes someone else
Ivy: You wouldn’t understand…
Emma: I do understand. I’m in love with a girl whose in love with a different person.
Ivy: Right…I forgot you liked girls, too.
Emma: Wait…do you like me?
Ivy: No! I- No!
Emma: Okay…
Emma put her phone away, tears in her eyes. Ivy didn’t like her back…it wasn’t her fault but she felt…weird about it. Emma decided to let it go and continue to focus on class.
Throughout the class, her mind kept swirling back to the thought of Ivy. She couldn’t stop thinking about how depressed Ivy was earlier, and how she just disappeared.
Later during Lunch, Ivy was back. Ivy sat down with Emma. Emma saw a cut on her wrist. “Ivy…” Emma took a deep breath. “What’s that?” Emma finally asked. “Well- That’s- Uh-” Ivy started to stutter. “You can tell me the truth, I won’t be mad,” Emma reassured her. “I hurt myself…” Ivy murmured. Emma took Ivy into a big hug. “No…don’t do that…please don’t do that. Please. You mean too much too me, you have every reason to stay clean, please don’t relapse…” Emma kept repeating those words. ‘Please don’t do that’ and ‘you have every reason to stay clean’. Ivy started to cry.
Emma reassured Ivy, not eating our lunches, the teachers decided to clear for us due to the situation. “I won’t tell anyone, okay?” Emma told Ivy. Emma let go of Ivy and sat back. “Let’s got to my place after school, okay?”


















Chapter 4
Ivy decided to go to Emma’s house after school. She looked surprised to see Emma’s room. Black painted walls, band posters, walk-in closet, floor mirror, etc. “Haha, yeah, just a bit emo,” Emma giggled. Emma sat down on her bed, patting for Ivy to do the same, so Ivy did.
Emma snuck the note out of her pocket and read it.
Dear Emma,
I like you, a lot. I know you’re straight, so I get it, but you’re still really nice and cute, I hope we can still be friends,
Love,
Ivy.
Emmas jaw dropped. Her crush liked her back!! “Ohhh…You’re not alone, and remember, I have a crush on a girl…well, guess I found out whether she likes me,” I chuckled. “Wait a second, what!? You like me back!?” Ivy shouted. “Shh. My parents can’t know…” Emma hushed.
Ivy started to shake her hands happily. “Do you wanna be my girlfriend!?” Ivy asked. Emma nodded enthusiastically. Emma hugged Ivy tightly, pushing her down against the bed. Ivy was blushing harder than she knew she could, and so was Emma.
“Oh my god oh my goddd!” Emma screeched as she got off of Ivy. Ivy pulled her closer and kissed her neck. Emma pulled up, smiling. “Holy crap,” Emma was speechless. Emma was happy. Ivy didn’t have any impulse control when she did that, but was happy that Emma liked it.
Emma realized that she was happier with a girl than a guy, was she bisexual? What was going on inside the mind of Emma? Ivy was still laying on the bed, Emma helping her up.
“Sorry… sorry…I didn’t think-” Ivy started to apologize. “No, I didn’t mind it, In fact, I liked it, you’re all good,” Emma cut her off.
Ivy soon after got on her way to go home. Emma was still blushing after Ivy left. “What’s got you all smileys?” Emma’s mother asked. “Oh, just a person,” Emma chuckled. “Who?” Emma’s mother asked. “My partner,” Emma said, looking up from her laugh. “You’re dating someone? Who is he? Have I met him?” Emma’s mother panicked. “No. I’m dating a girl, you just met her tonight, Ivy,” Emma replied.
Emma just came out to her mother, and her mother was not happy. Her mother was pissed. “You cannot date a girl! You are not gay! You are a straight girl! You don’t do this to me!” her mother was shouting. Emma froze. “Mom! It’s my first girlfriend, she makes me happy, isn’t that what you want!? I don’t want a man to put me into a bad place again, and I trust Ivy!” Emma explained.
“You always told me to do what makes me happy, so why can’t I just date a girl? If that’s what makes me happy…” Emma started to cry. “You want me to be happy…right?” Emma asked through tears. “Yes…fine…you can date her, just only her. I don’t want you to become lesbian or anything, you’re an only child and I want my grandchildren,” Her mother said.
“Thank you so much!” Emma jumped for joy as her mother said that. “You won’t regret your decision,” Emma added and ran up to her bedroom. When Emma got to her bedroom there was a missed call from Ivy. Emma immediately called Ivy back.
“Hey!!! Sorry, I missed your call! Miss you already, Call me back when you can, have a good night, bye!” Emma said, leaving a voicemail.



Part 2 coming soon.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Thank you for writing this, it was nice to read.

[Em0bxy]

Chapter 1
I was sitting on my bedroom floor, sobbing. I opened my chromebook to type up a note, when I saw an email. It was from my homeroom teacher, mrs. harris. I clicked on it.
Dear Alexis,
I know you’ve been struggling lately, I don’t know with what to be exactly, but i’ve seen the signs. The decline in grades, lack of focus, long sleeves, I suspect you’re not going to be partaking in school much for the rest of the year, but I just want you to know that you matter.
From,
Mrs. Harris
She’s wrong. I immediately thought. Am I that cynical? I immediately thought she was wrong. I ignored my thoughts and continued to open up a note document. I started writing all my reasons I felt I should go and starve myself.
The pros outweighed the cons by a longshot, my gut told me to do it, and they say your gut is our second brain.
Starving myself for happiness felt like a fair trade, but as I re-read Mrs. Harris’s email, I’m realizing I should probably talk to someone about this. NO. I’m not talking. I’m just going to do it.
I took a blade down my arm quickly and deepily and then closed my chromebook. The blood was pouring down my arm, but it was fine. I knew how to clean up. I grabbed my first aid kit and got to work. I wrapped my arm up, but the blood didn’t stop. Suddenly I felt lightheaded. I cried out for my mother. The silence of the night responded in silent echos of my mothers footsteps.
My mother came into the room and saw everything going on. “Oh my god what are you doing!?” My mother shouted. “I need help! This is not a time for lecturing!” I cried. “Put pressure, now, it’s not that deep,” My mother snapped, not moving from the doorway.
*FLASHFORWARD TO NEXT MORNING*
I woke up in the ICU, a breathing mask on my face, my boyfriend, Jake, in the room. I opened my eyes gently. I saw the IV in my arm, I looked around, my mother wasn’t there. “Babe?” I gasped. “Oh my gosh you’re awake! You scared me so bad…I called the school to let them know we’d both be out for a few days…you need time to recover, what happened?” Jake asked.
I explained to Jake the situation over the loud sound of the oxygen tank. I didn’t remember fainting. I saw the stitches in my arm and knew it was bad. I started to cry. “Oh my god…Mrs. Harris is going to be so concerned, last night she sent me an email saying how much she cared about me and how she knew I was struggling and I could always talk to her,” I cried. “Oh, you’re awake, Uh, theres a visitor…Lara Parker? Is it okay for her to come back?” The nurse asked Jake. Jake nodded. My mom was finally here???
The doctor came in and did a reevaluation.
The doctor took the oxygen mask off and the IV out. “Frick that hurts,” I grumbled. I sat up a bit in the bed. “Was this a self-inflicted cut?” the doctor asked. I swallowed hard. “Your mother didn’t give us any details, and if it was, we need to move you to the psych department, okay? Please don’t lie either,” The doctor explained. “It was,” I replied. The doctor nodded and left the room.
A few minutes later the doctor came back and started to unlock my bed. “You know I can walk, right?” I asked. “We can’t risk a fall hazard, we’re moving you to room 9, psych,” The doctor grumbled.
My mother and Jake followed us down to the psych unit. I was silently crying on my hospital bed. I wish I didn’t survive. I thought to myself. “I’ll be back for a psychitric evaluation in a few minutes, okay? You’re gonna be here for a while,” The doctor said and left the room. I put my head on my knees. My mother sat on the edge of the bed.
“Why?” My mother finally asked. “Why would you do something like this to me? Why would you tear your own mother apart like this!” My mother started to tear up. “No, this is not about you, this is about Alexis, she tried to take her own life, and you’re turning this on you, you are not the victim here, so shut up!” Jake shouted at my mother. I flinched at the yelling but Jake came over and hugged me.
My mother got up, silently, and left the room. I was thankful she left but then a nusre came in and sat on the edge of my bed. “Why did your mother say you threatened her?” The nurse asked. “What!? I never did! I didn’t even say two words to her,” I snapped. “I was the one who yelled at her, but I never made a threat,” Jake added. “Okay, thank you,” the nurse said and left. I started to cry harder. Jake took me into his arms again and sat down behind me.
The doctor came back in and started the psych evalutation. Asking me about previous traumas, depression, anxiety, eating habits, etc.
The doctor nodded while looking at the paper. “You’re gonna have to go inpatient honey,” The doctor said to me. “No…no…” I started to cry. “You’re at high risk of doing this again, we can’t have you out in a place where you get the temptations and have access to the things you hurt yourself with,” The doctor tried explain to me. “No! I don’t want to go! You can’t make me!” I cried. “Actually…you’re on an involentary police refferal, I can make you…” The doctor replied. I started crying harder.
The doctor left the room but Jake stayed, holding me. “You’ll be okay, I will visit you every night, I won’t tell anyone at school about this,” Jake reassured me.


















Chapter 2:
I was in the ambulance, being transported to a mental hopsital called Institute of Living. I was scared. It was the middle of the night, I didn’t know what day it was, I barely knew my name at the moment. I was scared of being away from Mrs. Harris this long without her knowing what happened. I know she’ll know I”m in the hospital, but will the note be shown to her?...
“I have a question,” I stated, my first sentence the hole ambulance ride. “Ask away, Alexis,” The ASM person replied. “If I tell the truth about my mother, is there a chance it could get reported to CPS? Since I’m 16?” I asked. “Well, if you are being harmed, or were being harmed, mentally or physically, there is a chance CPS could get involved, Due to the fact the hospital is a mandatory reporter,” The ASM person explained.
I nodded in responce and went back to being silent. I started to scratch at the back of my hand, a stress habit, a self-harm habit. “Hey, what are you doing?” The ASM person asked, moving their computer from their lap. “Sorry- I- I didn’t mean too…” I stuttered. “You can’t just be scratching yourself!” The ASM person snapped.
A tear fell down my cheek from being yelled at.. Mrs. Harris never dealt with my self-harm like that.
*FLASHBACK*
I was sitting during a test, the stressful thoughts starting to spiral in my head. I started to pick at my scabs, causing them to bleed. “Hey, you okay? Do you need a tissue?” Mrs. Harris asked, looking down at me picking. “Oh..that’d be great?” I said with a careful tone. “Um..thanks,” I said once she got it for me. “Do you need to go talk to someone?” Mrs. Harris asked. I shook my head. “Are you sure? You seem like you’re struggling, you’re allowed to take a break,” Mrs. Harris reassured me.
I turned her down once more, continuing to pick in a more subtle manner this time. I looked down and saw my hand covered in blood. “Uh…Mrs. Harris…” I hesitated. “Can we talk in the hall for a moment?” I asked. Mrs.. Harris nodded and stood up. I followed her to the hall.
“I picked again..” I said right off the bat, my hand exposed from my sweatshirt sleeve. “Okay, use the tissue I gave you before while I grab another one, then we can go from there,” Mrs. Harrison replied gently.
*REALITY*
I came back from my zoned out mindset of remembering my first time self-harming during class. I was scared my mother was going to hand out my letters as if I died. As we pulled into the hospital, I took a deep, fearful, breath. I knew I was going to be here a while, the cut on my arm was itching relentlessly, and my stomach hurt.
As the ASM person took the stretcher out of the ambulance, it started to rain, mixing with the tears on my face. We went up the elevator and into the adolensent unit.
I saw a pretty woman, her nametag read her name was Sarah. She had flowing, straight, blonde hair in a bun. It said she was a mental health worker. Then a nurse came out, her nametag read Lily. She had short, light brown hair pulled into a short ponytail, and a masculine stature.
“Hey there, I’m Lily, I will be your admission nurse tonight,” Lily said to me. “H-hey…” I stuttered. “This is Alexis,” The ASM person said. I got unbuckled from the stretcher and hopped off. “Ready for body check?” Lily asked Sarah. Sarah nodded, following us into an examine room. “W-what does the body check intail?” I asked. “We just have you stand behind a curtain, take off your clothes one by one, and then look at your arms and legs for scars or cuts, okay?” Lily explained.
After the body check Lily requested that the doctor come up to the 3rd floor to give clearance to treat my arm. “Why are you here?” Lily asked. “Uhm…a suicide attempt,” I whispered. “I see, well you’re safe here, okay? If you need anything, Sarah and I are here all week, and some rotating staff will be on shift, okay?” Lily reassured me.






Chapter 3:
I got a tour of the unit, and finally got to see my room. It had a single bed, a bathroom, a closet, and a window. The bathroom was connected to my room, though it was a second room. I sat down on the edge of the bed, it was uncomfortable, but I could live with this.
“Thanks, Lily…” I softly said to her as she went to walk out of my room to let me change. I grabbed my regular clothes, the clean grippy socks, and went into my bathroom.
After I changed I had permission to go on the unit to ask any questions I had, or just to hang out with staff, since it was my first day. I went out onto the unit and looked around, down the hall, I saw a giant window with stickers around it, they looked like they were from inside out 1 and 2.
“Lookin’ down at those stickers huh?” Sarah said. I flinched and looked the direction she was walking from. “Sorry, didn’t mean to frighten you,” Sarah replied. “The names Sarah, I know I never properly introduced myself, you met Lily earlier,” Sarah added. “Alexis…” I replied. “Pretty name, mind if I ask your pronouns?” Sarah asked. “Oh, uh, They/Him, nobody ever asks…” I replied.
Sarah lead me out onto the milliue instead of the hall, I saw a name on a door I recognized, and the girl had been out of school for some time now. “Everyone can come out now,” Sarah shouted down the door. I glanced over at the door, and the girl, Summer, came out of the bedroom.
“Alex!?” Summer shouted. I smiled and laughed. “Sums! Yo!” I immediately got more comfortable after seeing Summer. “You know each other?” Sarah asked. I nodded. “She is my BEST friend,” I explained. Summer came over and hugged me. “No hugging,” Sarah snapped. “Sorry, but after not seeing my best friend for 2 weeks, I’m going to hug him,” Summer snapped, not letting go of me.
Summer finally let go and went over to her seat. “It’s visiting hours now, so we always watch a movie or have free time during this time,” Sarah explained. I looked out of the glass wall and saw my boyfriend signing in. Summer looked over and saw him too. “Omg Jake is here?!” Summer asked. “Isn’t he your boyfriend?” Summer followed up with. “Yes, He said since my mom said sh wasn’t going to ever come see me, he would,” I explained as the glass doors opened due to a staff member and key. I ran over to him and hugged him. We went into my room.
“Did you know summer was here?” I asked. Jake shook his head. “You get your own bathroom? And bed? I was expected to a room with padded walls,” Jake chuckled.
I smiled and cuddeled onto his lap, wrapped my arms around his neck, and leaning into him. Jake wrapped his arms around me to losen up my posture. “There was this really pretty girl, Sarah, and nice girl, Lily, who did my admission, I envy to be like Sarah. She was skinny, her blonde hair into a bun, straight hair, really pretty…and Lily, boy was she masc, but it fit her, she was trying to crack jokes and she gave me a tour of the unit,” I explained.
(UNFINISHED)