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Pregnancy and Childcare If you're pregnant, a young parent, or have questions related to either, ask them here!

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SpaceSailor Offline
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I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 07:36 AM

I've got no idea what to do. My period has been 2 weeks late so I went to the doctors today and she confirmed that I'm pregnant. The guy was just a fling, I was drunk and he told me he had put a condom on, it was dark, but I'm guessing he didn't.

My first thought was, I have to abort, but I don't know now.. I feel like I will regret it. You see.. I dropped out of school a few years ago and I have just been doing courses at tafe, right now I am doing ceramics. But what if this child gives some purpose to my life? I start thinking about the fact that there is a being starting to grow inside of me, and maybe this mistake is meant to be?

I've been living in youth refuges for a few years now and I have pretty much no contact with my own parents. I am 40 hours off getting my drivers license (I have completed 80 so far) and I am beginning to think that I should move out and rent my own 2 bedroom place when the baby is born.

Don't get me wrong... Money isn't my first priority, living and caring for this child would be, but I need money to do that in this world, so I have done some calculations.

For the first 2 / 3 years I would be caring for and showing my baby the world depending on parenting allowance and rent assistance from the government to support us.

Parenting allowance is $300 a week and Rent assistace is $50 a week and the Baby Bonus would give me roughly $30 a week.
So that is $380 a week.
Rent in Byron Bay for a 2 bedroom place is at its cheapest (but not doggiest) is $250. That leaves $130 to live off a week. Food I'm guessing for 2 people is $50 a week, travel (to get food + outings with baby) around $30 a week, and fun stuff (renting movies, internet, etc.) $20 a week. That leaves $30 to save each week for bills like electricity and emergencies.

When the baby is 2-3 I could sent baby to a preschool (Around $20 for the day) two days a week and I get myself a part time job to help our financial situation.

When baby is 5-6 baby will be at school 5 days a week. I can continue my part time job and start part time study to further my education and socialize.

I don't know if I'm being too idealistic though. I would love to have this baby if I could make it work. My life has been tough before, and I believe myself to be a strong woman. I just don't want to be making a mistake. I know that things don't always go to plan... for example..

I have thoughts like, what if this child ends up being mentally retarded or something? Could I cope with that? Plus I did weed socially the other day, the guy who I fucked a few weeks ago was on acid, I have been around tobacco smokers a lot lately and I have not had a healthy diet lately (mostly relying on toast to full my tummy), which all has to stop if baby is to grow, but my concern is, could all this affect how baby develops when it is only a few weeks into the pregnancy?

I have even begun to catch myself thinking of baby names which worries me for I don't know what to do.

Teenage mums, people who have had abortions, the average joe...
Please give me your 2c.
   
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 07:38 AM

PS I just thought I'd mention that I am a rather quiet person. I prefer small gatherings of friends rather than big parties, but obviously socialization would be restricted by the responsibility that comes with a baby. My hobby is art, I love it so much, it helps me stay sane in any situation, plus I think baby would be happy with this because usually babies are very experimental and creative.
   
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 07:39 AM

PPS. I also took the morning after pill after approx 30 hours after I had sex. Could this affect babies health?
   
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 07:51 AM

Hi.

Your situation sounds really tough and like you have no support. You really have to think about whether you can give your baby a good life. Adoption is always an option.

I will tell you that I got pregnant recently and chose to terminate the pregnancy. While I feel like it was and is the best decision I could have made at the time, for a number of reasons... Giving up your baby like that just hurts so bad (and I don't mean physically) and I wonder if I'll ever really forgive myself. I feel like I didn't think about it enough so I really hope I've given you something to think about. I'm sure you'll make the right decision in the end.

Best.
   
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 08:34 AM

I agree with combatbunny. You really have to consider whether or not you can give this child the best possible life. Now, I have never been pregnant and cannot imagine the pain associated with giving up your baby, but what really it comes down to in the end is the well-being of him or her. Do you think it's fair to have him or her if you cannot truly provide the proper financial support? You may be able to make it work at first, but what if your baby wishes to go to college later in life? He or she won't necessarily make the same decisions about school that you did, and college tends to be expensive. Do you want him or her to have the option to further his or her education?

As combatbunny said, adoption is a possibility. I wish you all the best. This isn't an easy decision to make.

Last edited by Soliloquy; April 27th 2010 at 08:42 AM.
   
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 04:28 PM

It sound like you have a better plann then I did when my first was born. But it is really tough have you considered the diapers(I cloth diaper, this is a good idea) and equipment and toys a baby needs? and please forget about the fun stuff that way you save more... how about the medical bills the baby will rack up that first year?


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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 04:49 PM

I suggest going to the police, and having a DNA test done. Since you were drunk then legally you could not give consent, and in addition, since it was unprotected sex when you only agreed to protected sex this can be considered rape.

It is very good though that you are really trying to think this through now, best wishes to you whatever way you choose.
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 27th 2010, 06:03 PM

Well I'm happy you're thinking things through.. but you need to realize that a baby costs more then what you may think.

You're planning on living off of $130 a week? Does that include diapers? Formula? diaper rash cream? Bottles? Breast pumps? Milk storage bags? Cleaning supplies?

What about baby items? Crib? Bassinet? Stroller? Carseat?

For travel, you can get just about anywhere using a stroller... My husband and I walk 4 miles every weekend to the store to pick up groceries for our house. Our 2 year old sits in his stroller the entire way.

What about hospital bills? Doctor bills?

I don't know if they have WIC where you are, but it's something you can look into. I know some offer free gently use clothing items to new moms.

a kid is expensive.. so you should probably be thinking of getting a job now to try and save some money.


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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 29th 2010, 03:21 AM

ok well i would like to bring up the option of adoption. it can really be a great option if you are worried that you cant provide for the baby yourself. there are also open adoptions where you would get updates about your baby and can even be a part of their life. maybe look into it before you decide on abortion or trying to live off of 130 a week


   
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Re: I'm 17, Pregnant, and I DONT know the Father or Have Contact With My Own Parents. HELP. - April 30th 2010, 10:51 PM

I would say if you want to give the baby the best life possible, that would be adoption. But if you really, really want to keep the baby, get a second job or try to get support from your parents. You could also try doing a DNA test to find out the father, and he can give you child support money.
   
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