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LGBT, Sexuality and Gender Identity Whether you're LGBT, questioning, have gender identity issues, or have entirely unrelated feelings, this forum is here to help.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Pork Chops Offline
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Name: Wendi
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Am I, like my sister, Asexual or Lesbian? - February 19th 2021, 11:56 AM

Neither Julie or I have any wish for a relationship with a woman. We are happy together, looking after each other and raising our sassy younger sister to live a healthy, balanced life so that one day she will grow to become her own person.

I've never had any interest in guys; neither has Julie. Yet, we feel more comfortable in the company of other women, particularly our cabin steward friends who are going to house share with us. Our home will not feel so big, and they have promised to share bills and food, and they have plenty of work when crewing the yacht where we are presently enjoying a month's vacation.

Does our interest in being friends with other women therefore mean we are lesbian, or asexual since neither of us are interested in sexual relationships?

There are so many labels with sexuality. I find it very confusing. If anyone can shed light on our sexuality it would be most helpful.

Incidentally, we have employed a personal trainer for Tommy who comes with excellent references. This way, "Sparky" can find her own self and not be affected by what her peers wrongly assume. She likes guys, but has no interest in anything more than platonic, which we are both relieved and most grateful for.


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Re: Am I, like my sister, Asexual or Lesbian? - February 19th 2021, 02:08 PM

Hey Wendi

I'm asexual myself, so hopefully I can offer some insight into your situation. Of course I can't tell you whether you're asexual, lesbian or anything else though. That ultimately falls on you, what you're comfortable identifying with, and your own situations. But there's no need to worry too much about labels as they're human-made categories which don't fit everything anyway, and so sometimes people fall a little bit outside of them which is ok.

Asexuality is defined by having no sexual attraction to other people. It's not necessarily a lack of desire for sex, as many asexual people are sexually active. It's simply that sexual attraction isn't something they feel. The fact you're not interested in a sexual relationship could indicate that you might be asexual in that case as it's not something you currently feel drawn to. You can also be asexual and still want romantic or platonic relationships which either do or dont include sex. So you could be, in theory, an asexual lesbian - someone who is romantically attracted to women, who doesn't experience sexual attraction. It's all a bit confusing, but the point is there are a million different ways that labels can work around what you feel, rather than confining what you feel to their narrow definitions.

Asexuality also has a spectrum. You could be demisexual, whereby you feel interested in a sexual relationship only once you have grown closer to somebody in other ways. You could also be grey-asexual, which means you ocassionally, but not often, feel interested or attracted to people sexually.

There is a really useful site listed in the resources on TeenHelp called AVEN, which is another forum dedicated to the various asexualities out there. Maybe it might be helpful if you're after some more information on what that means and where you may or may not fit into it.

My main advice would be not to get too bogged down with labelling what you are and who you might or might not be attracted to. Ultimately,sexualities are fluid and how you choose to identify can change many times over the course of your life. I thought I was straight, bi, pan, and gay before I realised I was none of those things. My point is, your wants, attractions and needs shift as you live, and what you feel is confusing now might one day be plain as day. Feel free to read as much as you like, understand as much as you can, and explore what feels comfortable to you in terms of identification. There's no rush to settle on something now, and whether you are asexual or lesbian, both are valid and both are okay.

Hope this has helped a bit



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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Am I, like my sister, Asexual or Lesbian? - February 19th 2021, 03:17 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglow. View Post
Hey Wendi

I'm asexual myself, so hopefully I can offer some insight into your situation. Of course I can't tell you whether you're asexual, lesbian or anything else though. That ultimately falls on you, what you're comfortable identifying with, and your own situations. But there's no need to worry too much about labels as they're human-made categories which don't fit everything anyway, and so sometimes people fall a little bit outside of them which is ok.

Asexuality is defined by having no sexual attraction to other people. It's not necessarily a lack of desire for sex, as many asexual people are sexually active. It's simply that sexual attraction isn't something they feel. The fact you're not interested in a sexual relationship could indicate that you might be asexual in that case as it's not something you currently feel drawn to. You can also be asexual and still want romantic or platonic relationships which either do or dont include sex. So you could be, in theory, an asexual lesbian - someone who is romantically attracted to women, who doesn't experience sexual attraction. It's all a bit confusing, but the point is there are a million different ways that labels can work around what you feel, rather than confining what you feel to their narrow definitions.

Asexuality also has a spectrum. You could be demisexual, whereby you feel interested in a sexual relationship only once you have grown closer to somebody in other ways. You could also be grey-asexual, which means you ocassionally, but not often, feel interested or attracted to people sexually.

There is a really useful site listed in the resources on TeenHelp called AVEN, which is another forum dedicated to the various asexualities out there. Maybe it might be helpful if you're after some more information on what that means and where you may or may not fit into it.

My main advice would be not to get too bogged down with labelling what you are and who you might or might not be attracted to. Ultimately,sexualities are fluid and how you choose to identify can change many times over the course of your life. I thought I was straight, bi, pan, and gay before I realised I was none of those things. My point is, your wants, attractions and needs shift as you live, and what you feel is confusing now might one day be plain as day. Feel free to read as much as you like, understand as much as you can, and explore what feels comfortable to you in terms of identification. There's no rush to settle on something now, and whether you are asexual or lesbian, both are valid and both are okay.

Hope this has helped a bit
Thank you very much, Hollie, for the AVEN link which I have sped through, and saved.

I haven't had an lesbian experience with another woman, neither been at all interested in lesbian porn, likely because I think most of the stuff is false. I've had a mild crush on some female celebs, but nothing too serious because crushes are fleeting, rarely ever lasting.

Julie and I do cuddle as sisters sometimes do out of affection, but never sexually. I look after her and continue doing so because she still has Long Covid and remains poorly from it. Hence this time away at sea. being her carer means looking after her a good 80% of the time. As she is more of an archivist, her working with me at the Principality will mean we work side-by-side.

Tommy is at a stage where she is questioning her sexuality. She tells us that she is "definitely not straight": We, in turn, tell her the same applies to us although we are much older, still she has a long way to go, and her commencing her new school next month may enable her to mix with children her own age, and perhaps form her own opinions without us older sisters influencing her.

I will take my time exploring this sexuality, but I -think- it may just be that I am asexual, as I haven't had any inclination or desire for sex, or wish to.

Anyway, again a big thank you for helping me this way. I will be sure to visit that site link you gave. It looks very interesting!


“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” - Thomas A. Edison.

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Re: Am I, like my sister, Asexual or Lesbian? - Yesterday, 10:12 PM

Julie and I reached the conclusion we are asexual. We feel much better with this.



Thank you, Hollie
   
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Re: Am I, like my sister, Asexual or Lesbian? - Yesterday, 11:59 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pork Chops View Post
Julie and I reached the conclusion we are asexual. We feel much better with this.



Thank you, Hollie
I am glad you've both found a term which is comfortable and suitable for you to use. I am happy I was able to help with this too! If you ever have any questions or want to talk through any experiences or uncertainties you are always welcome to let me know



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The things you don’t need to live—
books, art, cinema, wine, and so on—
are the things you need to live
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- Matt Haig



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