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LGBTQ+, Sexuality and Gender Identity This forum is for you to explore your sexuality and identity, whatever that may be.

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Unhappy Questioning my sexuality while struggling with a relationship - May 19th 2020, 03:44 AM

This thread has been labeled as non-PG13 by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for younger users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]So, I'm going to mark this as Non-PG13 because there's gonna be talk of sex. So buckle your seat belts Guys, Gals, and Non-Binary Pals cause this is gonna get a little messy. (Yes, I do watch Thomas Sanders lol)

So, I guess I should just dive into the story now. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now and we've had sex before. Recently we had to have a discussion on where our relationship is going and how its become more sex based than emotion based (Last night). We both agreed to start working together on it and get back to the way things were before we started having sex. Well, that got me thinking about everything. And, somethings I noticed have got me worried are: I don't really enjoy having sex with my boyfriend and I realized that a good chunk of the time during my.... solo time that I've been uh, thinking about ladies more than I think about my boyfriend. (Now, something to know about me is that I have a bad habit of over analyzing things.) Part of me thinks that I'm going overboard but at the same time, there's been something else that was bugging me and once I really started considering this, it was like a weight kinda came off of my chest.
So, I guess I need to ask a few questions. Is it normal for someone to think about people other than their significant other while being intimate (not like while I'm having sex with him but when I'm alone)? Could this mean that maybe I'm not Bi, that maybe I'm not actually attracted to guys? I mean, I don't really get turned on by my boyfriend nor do I ever really enjoy sex with him. I like seeing him be happy, but I don't get anything pleasureful out of it. Mostly just pain.
And then, I guess my final question (the one that I think makes me feel the most... guilty). Does this mean I don't love him? I don't know if it's just immaturity and not having any experiences with love before that makes me question it, but I don't know if I love him anymore. There seemed to be a spark when we were first together, but then it was like about the time that we started getting intimate that the spark seemed to flicker out.
This is one of those times that I hope I'm wrong. I care about him and I don't want to hurt him but I don't want to be living some sort of lie to keep him happy.[/size][/color][/font]
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Re: Questioning my sexuality while struggling with a relationship - May 19th 2020, 05:52 AM

Here's my take on it: sex, even just solo sexual activities, are a pleasure available to anyone who wants to utilize it. When it comes to partnered sex, if you're not enjoying it something is off. Could be physical, emotional, or mental, but SOMETHING is amiss. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have some stuff you want to work on and that's good. But please, if you choose to work on your relationship and stay together, make sex one of those things. You should enjoy it. Also, it should NOT be painful. Pain is a sign something is wrong and you need to stop doing it.

Yes, it is normal to think about other people than your significant other while you are masturbating. Maybe it's the fact I'm polyamorous but I think it's really stupid when monogamous people try to control their partner's sexual fantasies. It's so silly to me to think you can suddenly only fantasize about one person because you're with that person. We all still find other people attractive when we're in a relationship. It's just how we're wired.

As for the fact you're mostly thinking of girls rather than your boyfriend, it could be a sign of bisexuality. But really, though, I'd stay away from labels, especially as you are just experimenting with these desires in your mind. Over time you'll figure out more about who you are and what you want. I would suggest entertaining these feelings but not stressing over what to label yourself. In the end you're you and you like what you like.

You're not guilty of anything. Sex and love are complicated issues. They do NOT have to go hand in hand, by which I mean you can not be sexually attracted to someone and still romantically love them. It sounds like you and your boyfriend have some stuff to work on, and as y'all do that it may become clearer where your feelings lie.

Good luck and PM me if you need anything.
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