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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
stina Offline
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Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 4th 2009, 10:25 PM

Have you ever dated someone with a disability?

Currently I am dating a guy who is deaf.

I have no problem with him being deaf. But some of my friends do. They make little jokes here and there about it. It really bugs me.

What should I do?
What would you do?


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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 4th 2009, 10:30 PM

personally, i would tell them to shut up. its your choice, and he cant help the fact that he is deaf. its not like he chose to be.

everybody needs love.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 4th 2009, 10:53 PM

Tell them it's not funny. Tell them it bothers you.
If they're true friends, they'll stop.

I guess if they don't stop, dont' react when they make a joke. I know that can be really hard. But ya, don't say anything, don't look at them, don't even change facial expression. That's pretty much what they want, some kind of reaction from you to keep them laughing.


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  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 5th 2009, 01:58 AM

I agree with what's been said.

I used to have a best friend who had Asperger's, and he was the butt end of several jokes I couldn't appreciate. I found it was really dependent on who was making the jokes and how close I was to that person. Some people, I could silence with a glare or a "knock it off." Others, I gave the "he can't help it anymore than you can help being who you are" speech. At one point, I confronted someone who was relentless, attacking my friend over and over, and told him he should hear the things people were saying about him. Most of the time, though, I ignored it. I continued hanging out and talking with my best friend like they didn't even exist. Gradually, the teasing stopped, and more than that, some of the people who had previously been making cruel jokes about him actually took the opportunity, whilst talking with me, to get to know him, as well.

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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 5th 2009, 12:38 PM

Remind your friends that they're not perfect, and since they're not, they shouldn't make fun of someone with a disability.
If it doesn't bother you, why on earth should they have a problem with it.
Tell them "the next time you think you're perfect, try walking on water",


"Life is pain, anybody that says different is selling something" ~ Fezzik's Mother, The Princess Bride. ♥

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Do not believe in anything simply because it is spoken and rumoured by many.
Do not believe in anything simply because it is found written in your religious books.
Do not believe in anything merely on the authority of your teachers and elders.
Do not believe in traditions because they have been handed down for many generations.
But after observation and analysis, when you find that anything agrees with reason and is conducive to the good and benefit of one and all, then accept it and live up to it."

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  (#6 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 5th 2009, 12:45 PM

I've not personally dated someone with a disability.
Your friends should be more supportive, obviously you're a big enough person to see past the fact that he's deaf so they should be too.
If you like him and him being deaf makes no difference to you then that's all that matters, being deaf isn't funny so your friends shouldn't be making a joke of it. It might change things a little for the two of you but you like him for him which is good. It doesn't define him as a person though.
Tell your friends to grow up and get to know him a little before they pass judgement.
   
  (#7 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 5th 2009, 01:48 PM

I am learning sign language slowly because my girlfriend's stepfather is deaf... I don't think that counts for "dating someone with a disability" question...

They really are looking for a reaction when they make fun of him... Which honestly, I don't know how people could make fun of people with disabilities without remorse... The only time I did make fun of this guy with a deformed arm was because he was a complete asshole to me for no reason...
I'm guessing since your dating a deaf person, you know a pretty good ammount of sign lanuage... Personally, I'd "mouth off" about your friends in sign language, so your boyfriend can get a laugh at them (that is, if they make fun of him in front of him)


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  (#8 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 5th 2009, 02:10 PM

My boyfriend's little sister is deaf, she has a cochlear implant so she can hear and talk a bit but I'm learning sign language to communicate with better and for the times when she has to take her coil off like when we are trampolining or swimming.

Does you boyfriend have a hearing aid or an implant?

Our mutual friends used to make fun of my boyfriends sister but he just told them to shut up and then explained to them that she has a much better life than them because she is deaf. She is so much more determined to be normal that she doesn't let anything stop her. She goes swimming, rock climbing, trampolining, horse riding, Brownies Edit: and the most important to her, Signing choir. When they heard all that they shut up and never said anything again.

I would just talk to them about how it makes you feel that they aren't supportive about your relationship and try to include them in activities together so your friends can see he is a normal person. Most discrimination come from ignorance, they probably just don't understand much about being deaf.
If they are good friends they will stop making fun f your boyfriend if they know it upsets you and if they get a long with him well.

Last edited by Melody Pond; April 7th 2009 at 07:51 PM.
   
  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 5th 2009, 03:25 PM

Talk to your friends, just remind them that no one is perfect, and anything could happen to them at anytime that could result in a disability. They wouldn't like to be laughed at, or joked about, so they shouldn't Laugh or make jokes about your boyfriend. There's nothing wrong with having a disability or dating someone with a disability.


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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 6th 2009, 03:32 AM

I never dated someone who has a disability
but I do have some deaf friends, and I;m
glad you accept him for who he is and tell your 'friends'
that the jokes weren;t necessary and it;s not amusing to
you whatsoeverr (;. and what Tess mentioned if they're
your true friends they would stop. I wish you the best.





There is only one person who could ever
make you happy, and that person is you.



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  (#11 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 6th 2009, 03:49 AM

Make fun of them back, and list the benefits of being deaf. Be like your just jealous he can read your lips from across the room.
   
  (#12 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 6th 2009, 06:13 AM

I am in ASL 35, I am pretty involved in the Deaf community and I'd like to say something on behalf on them: Being Deaf is NOT a disability. Deaf people can do everything a hearing person can do except hear.

If your friends have a problem with it they aren't very good friends. I'm sure they'd expect you to accept whomever they decide to date and it's only fair they extend the same respect to you.

It should not be looked at as if your boyfriend is disabled, instead a more appropriate comparison is that he simply that you and he do not share the same first language.

Good Luck!
   
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 7th 2009, 03:34 AM

:O


I'm taking sign and I haven't had that many conversations with deaf people but that's really cool. Tell your friends to dick off. He's not stupid because he can't hear. Just yell at them the next time they say something that ticks you off. The more you let it build up, the more they're going to do it. Tweaking out once can keep these kinds of problems from escalating.


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  (#14 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 7th 2009, 04:32 AM

The guy I'm interested in can't read (he can, but not well). Not really a disability, but when he told me, I was like "...really?!" and it really catches my friends off.

But, whatever, if the jokes bug you, just tell them to cut it out. Or ignore them, we all have to put up with crap here and there.
   
  (#15 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 7th 2009, 05:43 AM

I haven't personally dated anyone with a disability, but I don't see anything wrong with it. I do think, though, that it's a little immature for your friends to be doing that.

What would I do? I'd sit down and have a talk with them. I'd let them know that while they're entitled to their own opinion, that I don't appreciate when they make comments towards him. I'd let them know that he's important to me, and that I'd appreciated it if they would stop.



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  (#16 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 7th 2009, 03:34 PM

It wouldn't bother me, if anything, if I was dating someone who was say deaf, it would give me the opportunity to learn sign! You shouldn't care what your friends think, if your comfortable with it, then thats all that matters! Tell your friends that they neednt have a problem with it. I would sit down with your friends, and talk to them about it, and let them know even if they have issues with it, it's your own decision to date this person, not theirs!


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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 7th 2009, 03:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Razzmatazz Rach View Post

Our mutual friends used to make fun of my boyfriends sister but he just told them to shut up and then explained to them that she has a much better life than them because she is deaf. She is so much more determined to be normal that she doesn't let anything stop her. She goes swimming, rock climbing, trampolining, horse riding and Brownies. When they heard all that they shut up and never said anything again.
That's awesome. I found out yesterday there's a guy who lives in the same apartments I do and he doesn't have arms. He opened a mailbox with his teeth and drives with his feet. He was smiling the entire time also. I think we can learn from people who have disabilities. If people are making fun of the guy your dating then just stand up for him. Tell them to go blindfolded for a day and then see if they want to comment again. I'd say keep doing what you're doing because you're setting an example of looking on the inside of a person instead of outside.


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  (#18 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 7th 2009, 05:14 PM

Hey Stina. :]

Personally, I have never dated anyone with a disability but I think it's great you're being so open minded.

I don't think it's great how closed minded your friends are being. They're just being immature. They might be uncomfortable with it themselves and try and be ''funny'' about it but that's obviously not the right way to go about it.

Like everyone has said, I would suggest just sitting them down and telling to them (A) Get their act together and act like normal human beings or (B) Shut the hell up. =]

It's your choice. If going out with this guy makes you happy, then so be it. Your friends have no right to bring you down.

Take care.
   
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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 8th 2009, 09:00 PM

tell them to shut up and if they have a problem with who your going out with and dont stop,maybe you should think about if they're your real friends,or just your "friends",if you know what i mean?
thats what id do


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Re: Dating someone with a Disability? (he's deaf) - April 8th 2009, 10:00 PM

My boyfriend uses a wheelchair and it doesn't feel any different to dating someone who doesn't. Just tell your friends that their jokes upset you and if they're true friends to you, they'll understand and make an effort to stop.




   
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