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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 1st 2013, 12:42 PM

My boyfriend made a comment about us having sex the other night and I asked if he was serious about it and he said he was and asked me what I think about it. He asked if I think it's too early if I wanted to wait, we've only been going out a couple months so people might think it's a bit early and I usually would to but when I'm with him is different?

I'm not sure if I want to have sex or not as we're both virgins so it's a big decision! We have been doing other things for the time being such as oral and touching/rubbing and it's all been great but when I'm with him I do feel the urge to have sex and I feel like I really,really want to! But when I'm alone I start to think about the consciences like what if I got pregnant we would obviously use a condom but accidents can happen what if is broke with out either if us noticing?
And what if it is to early? And it wreaks our relationship? And I know I should be thinking about all I these things but I still have that feeling that I really want to?

So I have no idea what todo? I need advise?

We're both 15 and I'm aware that its under age but were both almost 16?
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 1st 2013, 12:51 PM

If you're having doubts about having sex, then chances are it might be a bit too early for you to engage in that activity. You need to make sure that you are emotionally prepared for it, sex isn't just two people "doing it", there's a lot of emotion behind it as well. You said you're worried it might ruin your relationship...bring this up with your boyfriend. If you choose to have sex with him, explain to him your thoughts and worries. And if you choose not to, express your thoughts and worries as well. Communication is key in relationships. You said you were worried about getting pregnant...Make sure he's the kind of guy who'll stick by your side if you did get pregnant.
Good luck, I hope this helps! And feel free to message me with any other questions I noticed we're both 15 :3


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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 1st 2013, 01:04 PM

As Mads said, communication is key in relationships. Make you tell your boyfriend your concerns and your feelings or he won't know where you stand and this could strain your relationship in future. It doesn't matter how long or short you've both been together, have sex when you're both ready. If you feel 2 months is too soon, tell him. If you just think it's too soon because other people may think that, tough on them, it's your decision and quite frankly, no one else's business. Sex is a private thing and they have no need to be nosing in your sex life, you don't have to tell anybody and that way no one will know. Your concerns in relation to getting pregnant are understandable, that's what stops a lot of people from having sex, although they really want it, it holds them back. I strongly advise you to speak to your doctor about a contraceptive pill. I'm glad that you're aware of the dangers of condom breakage but remember there are more options to you than just a condom. Speak to your doctor about how you feel and they'll be able to guide you towards a better, more safer way for the both of you to properly have sex.


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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 1st 2013, 01:44 PM

I think the key thing from your post is this line:

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Originally Posted by LauraXx View Post
I'm not sure if I want to have sex or not
To me that would suggest that at this stage, it's probably too soon for you. If you're worrying about the potential consequences of it (and thinking about them in itself shows a fair amount of maturity it has to be said, so kudos to you for that), and you're not reconciled with them in your own mind, then it's probably best to wait until you are. That doesn't mean just sitting there and waiting until it all clicks, I should add - the most important thing, as has already been pointed out, is talking these things over with your boyfriend, with a sexual health advisor and anyone else you feel able to talk about it with. Communication is key after all, particularly with your boyfriend as he'll want to understand your concerns. So talk about the issues you've mentioned, and see how you feel about it all after doing so.

As a final point, what I would stress above all else is that what matters most is when you feel ready for it. This isn't meant as a scare tactic, but I know a fair few people who have had sex for the first time because of feeling pressure to do so - from boyfriends/girlfriends/peers etc - and regretted it as they weren't ready in their own minds for it. When all is said and done, it's a personal decision and while your boyfriend has said he wants to move to that stage (which is fair enough) you should make sure you're comfortable with that rather than feeling under some obligation to. Likewise, how other people may respond to it isn't particularly important in the grand scheme of things - it's down to how ready for it you feel deep down.


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If you're referring to dr2005's response, it's not complex, however, he has a way with words .
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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 2nd 2013, 01:44 AM

Having sex for the first time can be a huge decision. If you are having any doubts you should wait. I always think asking is the first sign of waiting until your more certain. There is no rush, you are only 15, maybe you need 2 weeks, maybe you need 2 years. However long you need then take it.

Communication within relationships are also key, talk to your boyfriend, built your trust with him, build your comfort. Talk and be open with each other and when the time is right you'll know




Feel free to PM me if you ever need to chat or have questions
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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 2nd 2013, 08:20 AM

When I was 15 I thought I was ready, but every time I tried to y'know with my ex it was like a block. I gave up and said to him 'look I want to wait', after that he started being a dick and eventually he cheated on me. 3 years later, he's a dick with a really stupid ass reputation as a cheater...
I waited and now am in a relationship of 16 months with my new boyfriend.

If you're ready, then go for it but bare in mind the whole legal thing. If you're not then wait. But please just think about how big a thing losing your virginity is to you, because you don't wanna be thinking that you gave it away for nothing.
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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 2nd 2013, 06:32 PM

If you're having doubts that means you aren't ready. You should wait until you're sure imo.


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Re: My boyfriend wants to have sex? And I don't know if I am ready? - September 2nd 2013, 06:48 PM

The fact that you're questioning it tells me you're not completely ready or comfortable with the idea.


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