OK, so this is getting stressful for me. This is the story, I liked a girl (Let's call her X, just because), but that girl, X, was really distant to me, even reaching indifference. I didn't mind it, but I never got the chance to know her better, or to make her know me better. That was during my second term on High School, during that time another girl came by (let's call her Y, just because Pokémon XY).
Y and I became really good friends, and that was the way I liked it, even from the beginning we established that none of us would have a crush on each other. Buuuuut, guess what? She fell for me. Not I, I was OK on being just friends; besides, I was still aiming to get closer to X. But then, one day, I recived a message form a friend of mine, who also is friends with Y, and also X. That friend was told by Y that she actually likes me. I was in shock after I read it, "What should I do?" I though to my self. Soooo... Guess what? I accepted Y's feelings. Even though I was OK in being friends, thing in the past couldn't let me do so.
What past? You may be asking. Well, long story short, back in Middle School, I never accepted a girl's feelings to me because I already fell for someone who didn't returned my feelings (Even though we are good friends and all, I think we stayed better like that). I kinda applied that experience on this decision; but, even now, I felt like I was obliged to not hurt Y's feelings, just like with the other girl.
We actually spent a lot of time being happy, and I thought "Hey, perhaps this wasn't a bad idea".. But later on, I would discover her other side; she was weak to herself and mostly of the time, she could not confront most of her problems (be it with school or family) until I'd go and talk to her so she can, at least, try and go for the best.
Still, even if it helps coming from me, the boyfriend, more and more difficulties would appear to her, and thus, she was kinda loosing motivation to keep going. And that is the part I don't like about this relationship, and is the fact that she needs me, most of the time, and it's making me distracted and sometimes I could fail at some assignments with classes. Right now I'm finishing High School, and she's a few terms behind me.
And during this Term, if you remember X, it's so strange, but now I feel like I'm getting closer, little by little, to her. And what the heck!? Right now? The very Last Term. But it's kinda good, actually. And to make things WAY more interesting, last Friday we had a special event, something like the Academy Awards, but Flash version. During that day, girls were obliged to go in dress. Hehe... that was the first time I saw her in a dress (and now I'm hoping to see her again like that *blush
. And obviously, Y wasn-t there, because she wasn't coursing the same Term as I am. That night I wanted to see X always, in that long, blue dress that looked so gorgeous on her. I even told her that she looked good, even pretty (And honestly... I liked her again *blush
.
Se even won, for... I don't remember, but she won an award for her project
From all the men friends that she had, I was the only one to hug her; and I liked it, she even returned the hug *blush*
Next day, I open my facebook, since I had her as a close friend I could see her activity (and many others too), and the last thing she posted was a chat message with a friend of hers. The chat said:
X: HEY! Guess what!!
X's friend: What!? What is it!?
X: Well... I think that... I like... ***** <3
AND, that was it. But the intriguing thing here is the next thing: Those FIVE characters, she wrote the to hide the guy's identity, since this was a public post; it was funny, but those coincided with my name!! At least that's what I thought. I went to school, believing my so called fantasy of finally reaching X's real feelings, just to find out the opposite of it... and of course, that was my main fear; that the name of the guy could be also of another one; AND GUESS WHAT!? I WAS RIGHT! (So sad for me though...).
Before I could knew the truth, in was already suspecting it, since she was being so close to that guy, and to be honest, he's way cooler and more interesting than me... So sad for me, but it's reality for me. Every girl I liked before I started dating Y, they liked another guy way better than me, in the physical and social way. And this one wasn't the exception.
Once I knew it, thanks to another friend whom I confided this secret, I was entering in somewhat of a inner depression. Ya know? Sometimes it feels good to feel sad inside, don't you agree? It feels relaxing, yet at the same time, and this time, it's something that was hurting me deep inside.
But then, once again, a ray of light shined for me, and is that the guy whom is liked by X, has already a girlfriend.
Now, the situation is:
- What should I do about Y? Should I wait for something better to happen or should I stop this relationship and become good friends (I'm scared of the aftermath with her feelings if this happens, so I'm not sure)?
- If in the case I stop with Y, how can I make X see my feelings? Or, perhaps, a better question; How can I make myself a person who is more interesting to her? (I'm not sure about her preferences, so maybe some advice could make me good)
The main reason of all of this, is that I'm no longer sure about what to do...
Thank you, for taking some of your time in reading this post.
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