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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.
Location: USS Magellan-B On assignment in Delta Quadrant
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Join Date: April 27th 2009
Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman -
July 5th 2015, 10:08 PM
So, I've been flitting around a dating site for the past few months, just casually to see if there was anyone out there. And I come across a woman, who was blatant in stating that she was trans. She is also a nerd and social and had other factors that intrigued me. So I contacted her and we have messaged back and forth a few times. Everything is going well.
But internally, I can tell that this infatuation is different. I can feel that there is a bit more of a curiosity, social intrigue about it versus other women that I have crushed on/dated. I really don't want to pursue a relationship with someone simply to "experiment" on her, or to say that I've had that experience. Or anything stupid like that.
Is this normal and I'm just a bit weirded out and fascinated by the "trans" factor? Should I be concerned and pull back? Should I tell her about this right now.. or ever? Ack!
"One of the things I regret the most of being able to imagine anything,
is having to fear nothing"
"Realty is a lot more malleable then most people think.
They just refuse to believe that they can do anything about it."
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but nonzero chance of doing the impossible,
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Re: Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman -
July 5th 2015, 11:02 PM
Well, right now you're not necessarily committed to anything. I'd say that maybe what you should do is take a little bit more time to get to know her and her personality. That way, once you start to know her a bit better it may become easier to tell if you like her for her, or if you are more curious.
If you do decide that this is more out of curiosity, I definitely would pull back and not pursue her romantically, but if you find her to be a good person I don't see why you two couldn't be friends, as long as you are friends for her for more than the curiosity.
Do you ever get a little bit tired of life
Like you're not really happy but you don't wanna die
Like you're hanging by a thread but you gotta survive
'Cause you gotta survive
Re: Worried about own motives over dating a transwoman -
July 8th 2015, 06:46 AM
Hey there,
I think it's natural to have a certain level of curiosity when it comes to dating someone with an identity you are not completely familiar with. When I began dating women, there was a part of me that wondered if it was because I actually wanted to be with women or if it was because of curiosity as to what it would be like. For me, it ended up being the former. It did take a bit of evaluation on my part, though.
Because you're not committed to her yet, don't push yourself to determine whether your interest is legitimate or simply based on curiosity. Take some more time to get to know her and find out if she is someone that you are compatible with. If it's possible, try going out for coffee or a meal to see if the two of you are able to hit it off in person. As time goes on, you'll know if you're genuinely interested in her or if you're simply wondering what it would be like to be with a trans woman.
I'm pretty sure this goes without saying but, if you do realize your feelings are simply based on curiosity, pull back. She deserves to find someone that will fall for the person she is and you deserve to be with someone that you are genuinely interested in.
Take care!
wanderlust consumed her;
foreign hearts & exotic minds compelled her.
she had a gypsy soul
and a vibrant heart for the unknown.
-d. marie