Boyfriend doesn't understand

[SakuraNeko98]

So I've been cutting since about April 2014 and my boyfriend has known for a few months. I used to tell him, but one day he told me I was suicidal. I am, but I know it's wrong so I stopped telling him.
I told him again a few months later and I thought I could trust him with it...but he's doing it again. Yesterday, he saw my cuts and told me it made me look psycho, suicidal, if I didn't stop we'd break up, and he basically didn't understand. It kinda hurts...what if he meant that it's the way he sees me? I don't want to lose him, but I know some people say that you should.

[CrusadingAvenger]

Hello there,

I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing a difficult time with your boyfriend. From what you're saying, it sounds like he's uneducated about self-harm. Maybe he meant to say you're suicidal and psycho intentionally, but also maybe he believes this is the right way to stop you from cutting yourself. It's difficult to tell whether or not your boyfriend cares about you since there's not much detail you gave about your relationship with him. From what you're saying, maybe you should consider leaving the relationship if he's being immature about what you're going through, or if you believe you can save the relationship, then go ahead and do so by talking to each other about the matter at hand.

Have you ever considered convincing him to educate himself about self-harm? I believe if you haven't done that already, you should consider telling this to him. That way, you guys can better understand each other, and everything between you guys won't be one-sided. Also, speak to a school counselor about this issue of yours. He/she may be able to help you, or refer you to someone who can help you with your situation. If you're having thoughts of suicide, consider talking to someone close to you about it (i.e. family member, friend, boyfriend, etc.) and seek proper treatment. In case that isn't available to you, then call a hotline number that can be found on the TeenHelp website. Here's the link:

http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/

Remember that suicidal thoughts shouldn't be taken so lightly, and get the help that you need. I wish you all the best in your situation. Take care of yourself.

-Batman

[SakuraNeko98]

Originally Posted by CrusadingAvenger

Hello there,

I'm sorry to hear you are experiencing a difficult time with your boyfriend. From what you're saying, it sounds like he's uneducated about self-harm. Maybe he meant to say you're suicidal and psycho intentionally, but also maybe he believes this is the right way to stop you from cutting yourself. It's difficult to tell whether or not your boyfriend cares about you since there's not much detail you gave about your relationship with him. From what you're saying, maybe you should consider leaving the relationship if he's being immature about what you're going through, or if you believe you can save the relationship, then go ahead and do so by talking to each other about the matter at hand.

Have you ever considered convincing him to educate himself about self-harm? I believe if you haven't done that already, you should consider telling this to him. That way, you guys can better understand each other, and everything between you guys won't be one-sided. Also, speak to a school counselor about this issue of yours. He/she may be able to help you, or refer you to someone who can help you with your situation. If you're having thoughts of suicide, consider talking to someone close to you about it (i.e. family member, friend, boyfriend, etc.) and seek proper treatment. In case that isn't available to you, then call a hotline number that can be found on the TeenHelp website. Here's the link:

Remember that suicidal thoughts shouldn't be taken so lightly, and get the help that you need. I wish you all the best in your situation. Take care of yourself.

-Batman

Sorry, I wasn't really specific with that. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a month now and I know he's trying to help, but he doesn't understand that what he's saying isn't helping me.
That did help, my main problem is that I know I should talk to him but I have no idea what to say. I'll find something to help him understand.

[Always *]

Honestly, he might mean well, but it sounds like his attempts to "try to help" are actually really destructive and harmful to you, such as him becoming upset and saying you're going to kill yourself or whatever, obviously that's a wildly inappropriate reaction and is only going to cause negative feelings for you (shame, being even more depressed, etc, I have no idea what those feelings are). I think it is really important that you approach the subject and straight up tell him "Boyfriend, I know you mean well, but when you find out about my self-harm and say things like [insert things he says] it's really not helpful and only makes things worse for me. You have to stop saying that stuff, even if you think it's right because it's the wrong thing to say. I would like to you to learn more about self harm, depression and suicidal ideation in order to help me better."

You can also look for materials to give out to him - a school counsellor might have resources that will help your boyfriend understand what your going through. In addition, I would like to strongly encourage you to ask a school counsellor about treatment options, if you don't already have one in place. If you already have one in place, perhaps you can ask your counsellor or physician for additional/alternate treatment options if you are finding that self-harm is still something that you're struggling with.

[Eternal]

I've moved this over to Relationships and Dating since your question is regarding your boyfriend.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

Have you explained to your boyfriend about how much his words hurt you? Maybe if he understood the hurt he was causing he may choose his words a little more carefully and try to be a little more understanding of your feelings. It sounds like he doesn't understand why people self-harm or why people would be suicidal. So many more people go through these things, but a lot of people suffer in silence. Maybe you could show him some stats online and how him just how common self-harm is. Try to explain to him why you self-harm and let him know that you need his support, especially if you are going to ever try to stop, he can help or he can hinder you and right now it sounds like his words and opinions are harming your recovery.

If your boyfriend can't understand or is not willing to try then maybe it could be an idea to consider breaking things off. Positive people make all the difference but when you're with someone who is not willing to understand or at least try to it can be all the more detrimental to your recovery.

Best of luck,
Paige