My Girlfriend's Negativity Has Worn Me Out

[TheCrow8]

I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months now. She has been somewhat dependent on my help which I'm okay with but starting a couple of months back, her negative attitude has taken its toll on me.

She has this attitude of completely giving up and pulling herself down when the slightest things go wrong. She has a tough family life and she struggles in her academics too which I understand but her attitude towards it has been what's gotten to me. I've tried as best as I can to support her through being the positive one in the relationship as well as helping her out in her studies but neither have worked.

Lately I've gotten so tired of it as it has become a daily thing for her to complain and pull herself down because of something. Our chats and texts have gotten so toxic because of this that it has made me not want to hit her up when I get home and so forth. I've discussed with her how the behavior has been difficult for me and she promises to change but she's still struggling.

How do I help her out in the process of changing and how do I help myself out in terms of "resting" to fix my worn out self?

[Lionheart]

Hey there, welcome to TH

It's good you're trying to help your girlfriend, but its really important you watch out after yourself as well.
Something you could do maybe is make some rules, depending on whats draging you down.
Like, you said she's stuggeling with school and you are trying to help her but she only sees everything negatively. So maybe you could install a rule that says while you are studying together she isn't allowed to say negative things. She can say them after and before but not while studying or something.
It's important you give yourself a break from time to time. It's a good thing to be there for her, but sometimes we need a break from people, even if we love them. You could maybe take one day or two a week or something where after school you don't text her and instead spent some time on yourself, maybe meeting with friends, doing fun stuff and just taking a rest from the negativ things.
Also you can always say stopp. It's good to listen but if it gets to much for you, you have every right to just say stopp, we are not gonna continue talking about this, let's change the topic.
Apart from that, has she someone else, she can talk to beside you? Because I think it would be good for her to confide in someone else too, maybe an adult, teacher or something so you aren't the only person she can rant to.

I hope any of this can help you some.
Take care

[Chai.]

Hey,

I really appreciate how supportive you are to your girlfriend. But like it has been said above, it is also important that you look after yourself.

I really like the idea of setting rules and times where she cannot be negative. Maybe you could also play the one positive thing everyday game with her. My friend and I did that. We'd both tell each other one positive thing every day. Initially, it would be hard, since we were both struggling with a number of things and thinking about something positive was difficult but with time we learnt to see the positive in our life just so we could tell each other. You could play it in such a way that you both tell each other a positive thing daily.

As much as you love her and care for her, you need to take some time to yourself. Maybe once a week or twice a week you could do something without her. Meet new friends, play video games, whatever you enjoy but do it for yourself.

Since your girlfriend has problems at home there is a chance that these problems weigh in on her thoughts throughout the day. As much as ranting about it helps, distracting her from these thoughts could be helpful too. Maybe the two of you could do something fun together. Join a club that goes trekking or hiking on weekends, go for a picnic, join a new hobby together. Do something that you both enjoy, that will help distract her and also make both of you happy.

Does she have anybody else to turn to apart from you? I think it'd be great if she opened up to an adult like a teacher at school or a counsellor. If she isn't doing this, I think you should suggest it. She definitely requires a support system but not at the cost of wearing you out.

I hope this was atleast a little helpful. I can imagine how hard this situation must be for you and I want you to know that you can message me, if you want to talk. <3

Take care,
Kav.

[danh19]

have you spoken to her about it

[TheCrow8]

Hi, thanks for the input everyone. She only has her bestfriend to talk to but she isn't as available as I am. We've talked about her attitude a few times in the past and she's trying to suppress her negative thoughts a lot more lately. Recently a few good things have come her way and now I'm trying to capitalize on that to make her feel a bit happier.

[danh19]

is it possible that she is suffering from depression