My boyfriend feels bad

[Odyne]

Hi <3

I dont know what to do. My boyfriend is feeling sad and having a hard time. I just wanna help him. Remove the pain. I’m in pain when he is.
We moved together in May, and things have been great! But now it’s just hard. I sometimes miss the institution i lived in. Their help and feeling safe.
Dont get me wrong - i love living with my boyfriend. Its just hard right now.

[Celyn]

Hey Lucy,

Sorry to hear that your boyfriend is feeling bad and having a hard time. It's lovely that you want to help him- I'm sure he appreciates your care and kindness!

Unfortunately, as much as we would love to, we can't take away someone's pain. But we can be there for our loved ones, even if it's just listening to how they feel, validating their feelings, providing reassurance and encouraging them to use healthy ways to look after themselves and recover from their low point. You can also try asking your boyfriend if there is anything specifically that you can do to help him at this time.


It makes sense that with your boyfriend feeling in pain, you would feel that pain too. Helping someone who struggles with their mental health can also take it's toll on you. You'll need to make sure that you have some boundaries in place e.g. that your boyfriend is also seeking out professional help and isn't relying solely on you.

Even though it's lovely moving in with your boyfriend, it sounds like you miss the support from the institution that you were in. What other support do you have in your life? It's always good to make sure that you have your own support system, more so if your boyfriend is struggling with his own mental health and can't be there for you right now. At the very least, you have TeenHelp

[Odyne]

Thank you so much

[Mindfulness.]

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend isn't in a good place at the moment. It is natural to want to take the pain away from those we love and care about and it definitely sounds like you are a very caring and loving person.

As Celyn mentioned, is there someone that you both can talk to about how you're feeling? It may be difficult at first, but it might help.

If you need anything, please feel free to message me.

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by Disclosure.

Hi there,

I'm sorry to hear that your boyfriend isn't in a good place at the moment. It is natural to want to take the pain away from those we love and care about and it definitely sounds like you are a very caring and loving person.

As Celyn mentioned, is there someone that you both can talk to about how you're feeling? It may be difficult at first, but it might help.

If you need anything, please feel free to message me.

Thanks for your reply <3

I've tried to help him, and he feels a bit better. I'm not in a good place either, but we support and helps each other.

Hi there, I'm glad you were able to help him; but it's important to take care of yourself as well! Is there anyone you can reach out to, besides your boyfriend, for support? Do you have a licensed medical professional you could speak to? I know you mentioned you were in a hospital for some time, and just because you are no longer there does not mean you shouldn't continue to receive support.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Echo 7]

I agree with what everyone has shared, but sometimes it will greatly help him to write his feelings down. Listen to cathartic songs with him and find a hobby you could share with your boyfriend. If when he feels worthless, help him make a small goal. It can be taking a shower, tossing out the trash, anything, and achieve it. Bonus points if it's something healthy, like drinking a glass of water. Leave little messages around for him to read; Tell him he's absolutely awesome, the more specifically the better.

One thing that helps me is finding people online who have expressed suicidal thoughts / extreme emotional pain or even physical pain, and anonymously sending messages of support and encouragement. I often remember why I should continue living myself after that, and feel better having helped another because patience helps. Remember, we're all in this together, even if we feel isolated in our pain.

Impress on him that he has an unshakable, inherent value, and that nobody's too good for anyone else even though the constant comparison to the more "successful" in society might make him feel inferior. Eventually you and your dearest will get through this, given time.

Also, the most soothing, positive emotions I've ever had in my life came to me directly after the worst emotional pain I've ever felt, so maybe once he begins to come away from these hard places, together you and your boyfriend will feel the reward sevenfold.

[Odyne]

Thank you so much for your replies <3

I do get professional help, and it helps.
He’s btw feeling much better. Now I’m the one having a bad time


Big hugs to you guys

[GhigliaWu]

What is good?

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by GhigliaWu

What is good?

What do you mean?

[Flexderec]

Music is useful.

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by Flexderec

Music is useful.

Very - we listen to a lot music

[Odyne]

He’a feeling bad again and I dont know what to do. I’ve tried talking to him, hugging and kissing him, and just be there for him

[Celyn]

Sorry to hear that, Lucy. Has anything happened that might've caused your boyfriend to feel bad again?

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by Celyn

Sorry to hear that, Lucy. Has anything happened that might've caused your boyfriend to feel bad again?

His friend killed herself december 2016, and I guess the date it’s close now.

[Celyn]

Oh I'm sorry to hear about his friend. It may well be that as the anniversary approaches, your boyfriend may struggle with all sorts of feelings. He might feel angry about the suicide, he may feel guilt, thinking he could've/should've done more. He will be missing his friend too.

It's good to ask him how he feels and if he wants to talk about it. If he wants to talk, then listening and validating his feelings can help. If your boyfriend is up to it, then you might want to think about how you can remember his friend and all the good times they had together.

Losing someone to suicide can be very hard to cope with, and perhaps more so when you struggle with your own mental health. You might want to check out our articles on surviving suicide here: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f77-d...ide-loved-one/ and here: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f77-d...ect-survivors/ for ideas on what feelings your boyfriend might experience and what he can try to deal with them.

Remember to take care of yourself too

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by Celyn

Oh I'm sorry to hear about his friend. It may well be that as the anniversary approaches, your boyfriend may struggle with all sorts of feelings. He might feel angry about the suicide, he may feel guilt, thinking he could've/should've done more. He will be missing his friend too.

It's good to ask him how he feels and if he wants to talk about it. If he wants to talk, then listening and validating his feelings can help. If your boyfriend is up to it, then you might want to think about how you can remember his friend and all the good times they had together.

Losing someone to suicide can be very hard to cope with, and perhaps more so when you struggle with your own mental health. You might want to check out our articles on surviving suicide here: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f77-d...ide-loved-one/ and here: http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f77-d...ect-survivors/ for ideas on what feelings your boyfriend might experience and what he can try to deal with them.

Remember to take care of yourself too

Thank you so, so much for your reply.
And I guess you’re right. I’m here for him, but I can’t remove the pain.
I’ll take a look at the links.

I’m very good to forget myself in these situations, but I’ll try to take care.

Btw he’s feeling a bit better already.

[Odyne]

It’s pretty bad today

I'm sorry your boyfriend is struggling right now. Remember to take care of yourself. Could you suggest he go speak to a mental health professional about what he's going through? I know you said you were in the hospital a while back; I would hate to see you return because you're not taking care of yourself... so, please, take care of yourself as well.

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by Butterfly.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is struggling right now. Remember to take care of yourself. Could you suggest he go speak to a mental health professional about what he's going through? I know you said you were in the hospital a while back; I would hate to see you return because you're not taking care of yourself... so, please, take care of yourself as well.

Thanks for your reply <3
He’s already seeing profesionels, and he’s getting help.
I’m not good at thinking of myself, but I’ll try to take care.

[gjoiiks]

Unfortunately, as much as we would love to, we can't take away someone's pain. But we can be there for our loved ones, even if it's just listening to how they feel, validating their feelings, providing reassurance and encouraging them to use healthy ways to look after themselves and recover from their low point. You can also try asking your boyfriend if there is anything specifically that you can do to help him at this time.

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by gjoiiks

Unfortunately, as much as we would love to, we can't take away someone's pain. But we can be there for our loved ones, even if it's just listening to how they feel, validating their feelings, providing reassurance and encouraging them to use healthy ways to look after themselves and recover from their low point. You can also try asking your boyfriend if there is anything specifically that you can do to help him at this time.

Hi
Thanks for your reply.
He says i’m helping him so much just being there for him.

[Loo1ksee]

You can try to go to a psychologist and maybe he will give you the right advance, so you will not make the things worse.

[Odyne]

Originally Posted by Loo1ksee

You can try to go to a psychologist and maybe he will give you the right advance, so you will not make the things worse.

I’m already seeing one