Why You Should Not Use Online Dating

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I found this useful video by HG Tudor talking about why you should not use online dating. I showed it to my sisters. Though they aren't interested in dating, online or otherwise, because they are Asexual, both said post it in Teen Help because the video could be useful to the community. Like me they have subscribed to HG because the three of us are discovering what made our late narcissistic parents tick.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbRK...WpiGKv&index=1


Interesting, but in the course of our listening to HG, we were relieved that my boyfriend "Ted" is not and I repeat not, a narcissist.


Returning to HG's video, he gives great advice against using online dating, and some members of our community who are interested in online dating would do well to watch his videos.


I hope you enjoy it. Now, I must return to my online schooling.


Edited: I found one more video which also is interesting! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BfI8...WpiGKv&index=3

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While I don't disagree with what was said in the video (first one), I think there are more things to consider.

Yes, it's so easily to portray any kind of person on the internet. It is, after all, the internet. We can hide behind fake pictures, names, life-stories, and so on. However, this is not a restriction of just online dating sites. Narcissism and narcissistic people are everywhere. We all carry at least some form of narcissism whether we wish to admit it or not. Even the most genuine of person who signs up to a dating site will use their best pictures, most impressive stories, their best behaviour to court another person. On top of that, the most genuine of person can also doctor images to make themselves look more appealing, use filtered images, embellish stories to appear more impressive. We all do it at some point. With what was said in the video, again, it could be argued that we are all narcissistic in part.

There are a multitude of dangers in online dating sites. The pandemic highlights the biggest one of all - scammers. The number of people who have been cheated out of their money by scammers on online dating sites has risen. Sometimes they operate for months and months buttering up a prime subject just to get them to send money. They appeal to a person's inner desires to help, and to be loved.

However, each case of such dangers are quite individual. While the overall picture may be the same, the finer details will always be different. Each individual has their on life experiences and threshold in how deep they wish to entangle their personal feelings with another.

I think it's good to be aware of the dangers of online dating that are highlighted in the video, but it should not be a reason to avoid trying to seek a partner. In the comments section, someone asked how does one meet others in a pandemic.. the answer was 'plenty of other methods'. Truth is that even HG Tudor cannot answer that. What methods can these be? Unfortunately there aren't any. If one is locked in their home and are unable to leave, all they have is the internet. Sure they can avoid a dating site, but as I previously mentioned anonymity is not restricted to online dating sites. It's everywhere. You can meet a narcissist on a car trading forum. You can meet a narcissist in an online multiplayer game. There is no escape from it.

It's up to the individual how desperate they are to expose themselves to others. In terms of narcissism, yes it could be considered dangerous online, but education and understanding what to look out for can also help.

Putting narcissism aside, online dating is a great way for people to meet like-minded individuals and feel less lonely. It's a way for people to connect with somebody else and feel like they're not so isolated. Especially in a world where, right now, it's filled with misery. While I'd say the scale of good to bad online relationships is quite steep in the negative, there are many instances where online dating has proved exceptionally successful. I know of some people on this forum who have met their partners online, and have even married them. They continue to be happily married. My brother met his girlfriend online and they plan to marry at the end of the year/start of next year. While these examples are anecdotal in nature, they are examples of online dating done right. They are examples of positivity.

Overall, again, I agree what was said in the video, and it is very good to understand from the perspective of a narcissist himself on what to look out for when partaking in online dating. I do think there's a little more to it to just 'stop using it' is all.

Could you please provide a summary for those of us who do not wish to sit through forty minutes of a podcast; and can you do it for those of us who cannot hear and the automated captioning is not very reliable? Thanks.

Going off what Sarah said in the post before mine: narcissists exist all over the world, both the real world and virtual world. Narcissists prey on the vulnerable, and it doesn't happen solely on dating sites; it can happen on a social media platform, it can happen on a niche virtual group, it can even happen on support forums such as TeenHelp.

I would say always follow your instincts and practice caution, but not to the point of outrageous paranoia where you shut everyone else out. If something seems skeevish about a person, listen to your guts. Don't get others involved, just get away from that individual as quickly as possible; even if it means you have to shut a whole community out.

While online dating can be dangerous, as Sarah said, there are still people whose relationships did work out. They turned from virtual to in-person, they met and eventually married, or they're cohabitating. Not all online relationships can turn dangerous; but that's not to say you shouldn't practice caution on these dating websites. It's general common sense.

Mind you, I am basing all this off Sarah's response above and making my own interpretation from that.

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Originally Posted by sauorkan

Could you please provide a summary for those of us who do not wish to sit through forty minutes of a podcast; and can you do it for those of us who cannot hear and the automated captioning is not very reliable? Thanks.

Going off what Sarah said in the post before mine: narcissists exist all over the world, both the real world and virtual world. Narcissists prey on the vulnerable, and it doesn't happen solely on dating sites; it can happen on a social media platform, it can happen on a niche virtual group, it can even happen on support forums such as TeenHelp.

I would say always follow your instincts and practice caution, but not to the point of outrageous paranoia where you shut everyone else out. If something seems skeevish about a person, listen to your guts. Don't get others involved, just get away from that individual as quickly as possible; even if it means you have to shut a whole community out.

While online dating can be dangerous, as Sarah said, there are still people whose relationships did work out. They turned from virtual to in-person, they met and eventually married, or they're cohabitating. Not all online relationships can turn dangerous; but that's not to say you shouldn't practice caution on these dating websites. It's general common sense.

Mind you, I am basing all this off Sarah's response above and making my own interpretation from that.

Sorry. I do understand your reasoning for supplying a summary, indeed it would save much time for members of our community. Sadly I haven't got that time required. Because I have enormous amounts of online coursework, followed by evening homework which impacts on my time in Teen Help.



At the slow rate I'm going with posting I calculate I won't be reaching 1,000 posts any time soon! Doesn't matter though. I enjoy my limited time here, and that was the point why I posted those two videos...for lack of time.


Cheerio for now,


Tommy.

[Dawn.]

Different people feel differently about online dating. I personally know people who have gotten married and have kids to someone who they have met online. As long as you are taking proper precautions, it can be ok.