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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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Is it reasonable to be upset about this? - September 17th 2021, 03:22 PM

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[SIZE="a"]My boyfriend and I have been together for a while and we have a sexual relationship. So far there have been no issues regarding that; we are both satisfied with our sex life. Currently we do not use barriers (condoms), but I am on birth control. Up until now, I have felt that is enough.

Neither of us want children. I told him straight up if I ever get pregnant I am going to have an abortion. He was 100% on board with that because, again, he doesn't want kids.

However, there's now a pretty big issue that could mess things up. I live in Texas, and in case you're not familiar, Texas recently passed a law saying abortions cannot happen past six weeks into the pregnancy. Many people don't even know they're pregnant until past the six week mark. The person who has the abortion could face very serious consequences if they were to violate that law.

Even though my birth control is very effective (I've had the same one for many years and have never gotten pregnant), I feel really freaked out by this. I know even the best birth control can fail, and there are people who have conceived while on it. So I asked my boyfriend if he would consider getting a vasectomy. I realize that's a deeply personal decision, much like abortion, and I told him I'd respect his decision either way. He said no.

Even though I do respect his decision, I feel angry. He doesn't want kids, at all. Vasectomies are extremely effective, cheaper than an abortion or the cost of taking the measures to ensure a healthy pregnancy and birth, and reversible, should he ever change his mind and want kids. To me it's a no-brainer, and it honestly upsets me that he won't do it. I know that's probably not fair, but it's how I feel. We had sex last night for the first time since the abortion ban went into effect. I let him ejaculate inside me because I normally enjoy that, but once he did I kind of panicked. I don't want to have to start using condoms, too, but we might have to.

I guess I am just wondering if I am totally wrong for feeling this way. I feel like I am not really allowing him autonomy by being upset about this. It's his body and he gets to choose, so I feel like a jerk for having an issue with his choice. I would also like to ask for ways to get past this anger, because it is not effective. Any thoughts?[/size]
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Re: Is it reasonable to be upset about this? - September 18th 2021, 12:23 PM

Hm. How exactly much you and him are togheter? If he doesn't want a child i guess you're still too young for that.
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Re: Is it reasonable to be upset about this? - September 18th 2021, 12:25 PM

Not really, no. It's his body and his decision.

The risk I took was calculated, but boy, am I bad at math.
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reasonable, upset

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