Why cant I have a relationship.

[B_IsAway]

Lowkey kind of a stupid rant, but for many years not I've felt way too ugly, and I feel it makes me unlovable in a way.

It all began because at 16 I never had a relationship, and just got rejected 3 times. But its really the way no boy or girl ever tried to be romantic with me, irl or online. Its me always trying makeup, and new hairstyles, and new clothing, and still being outshone by my friends. I feel like at this point the only reason is: Im too ugly to be loved.

I live in an european country, but my looks are latina. I think what really ruins it for me is that Im chubby, cant get my acne off my face, I have this annoying lazy eye that is always drooping exept if I force it open all the time or look at a certain angle. And well, I just dont dress up all the time like all girls do, Im too lazy to get up every morning 1 hour earlier to do my hair and put on makeup. But even if I did, I think I'd still be generally ugly.

I wouldnt care exept I really want a relationship. All my friends are always flirting, and with their boyfriends, and talking about annoying exs, and Im just there without anything to talk about exept how I got rejected 3 times. It pisses me off so much when one if my friends goes like "Oh yeah I have 3 boys who are flirting with me, but I dont want a relationship right now" my god. Why do they have 3 and I have 0.

There's this cute boy at theater, and when we finish our shows he gets a bit drunk and gets so clingy to me. He wants to show off and stay near me all the time. But every day after he forgets about it and really, our relationship is the same friendly thing I have with my friends. I never know when he is joking, and I think he is like-- mocking my looks and pretending he's into me, because he's a 10/10 with the golden hair and Im max a 4/10.

It just really makes me sad, specially this saturday, becaude I couldnt stop thinking of how Im desperate for a relationship, because Im scared if I dont have one by my 20s it'll either just not be fun to love anymore, or prove how bad my looks really are.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey,

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this!

I’ve found that we are our own worst critics. We pick out the things we think are flaws that other people either don’t notice or wouldn’t care about. Would you say the things you tell yourself about a friend? If the answer is no, you probably shouldn’t be saying it about yourself either. Everyone is unique with their own amazing qualities.

Relationships aren’t the most important thing in the world. It takes people different amounts of time to find the right person. My friend didn’t find “the one” until she was 28 and now she’s happy! There’s no shame in it taking some time to find your person.

It’s also important that you find ways to enjoy being single, such as hobbies, volunteering, or clubs/social groups. You deserve happiness even when you aren’t dating someone. You also might meet someone nice while participating in these activities!

I wouldn’t base your thoughts about the guy at theater solely on the interactions you have with him when he’s been drinking. People’s behavior can be different when they’re under the influence. I’d try talking to him while he’s sober and tell him the things you’ve noticed he’s done while drinking. Ask if there’s anything there and proceed accordingly.

Remember that you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy. It’s worth the wait.

Take care,
Dez

[Mindfulness.]

Hello!
I completely agree with Dez.
It can be hard to focus on the positive attributes and qualities that we have and when we don't have self-confidence, this can often be obvious to those around us. When you come more confident, it can reflected on how we act. I understand this is better said than done but a good activity to engage in is writing down all the things you are good at as well as what you love about yourself and read it daily (if you have time).
Is there someone that you can talk to that will help you with your thoughts such as a psychologist? I can imagine that these negative thoughts you have about yourself isn't easy to deal with.
Take care of yourself and please remember that the right person will come along for you.