puppy love turned toxic

[Em0bxy]

So I'm in my first serious relationship, we've been dating for three months, and a hand full of days. Yesterday while on the phone I saw my ex peak out in my boyfriend. He asked for one of my sweatshirts and I said no, and he said "You will give me one, you don't know how easily I can make you break". ok toxicity going BURR???? And he kept ignoring during the call because he was "busy watching youtube" and harassed me into watching a video I didn't want to watch(not inappropriate or anything, just wasn't in the mood). What should I do? My mom and dad said don't wear a sweatshirt and see what happens. I said if he puts his hands on me were over. But I don't have the heart to break up with him. I just don't. He could rape me and I wouldn't care. I'd still be with him. But at the same time I can't put myself back into a position were I'm being used. and I feel like I kind of am because he keeps asking for things from me, true he gives things back but they're not my stuff he gives back. I'm never going to see my first two sweatshirts again, he already promised that one. God what to I fucking do?

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I think you need to break ties with this guy before it gets worse. While I don't often suggest people cut all contact with a partner without explaining anything, I think in this case it would be the best way to go about things for your own good. It's really concerning to me that you said he could rape you and you'd still be with him, so it's super important to leave this situation before you get seriously hurt. I'd block him on your phone, social media, and anywhere else he can get in touch with you. If he goes to the same school, don't hang out with him before or after class, sit with him at lunch, etc.

You are worth SO much more than someone who might hurt you. You have much more value than that. You deserve to be with someone who treats you appropriately and kindly. You're only twelve, you have so much time to find the right person for you.

Is there anyone you can talk to about this relationship who may be able to help you get out of it, such as a teacher, guidance counselor, club advisor, sports coach, etc? It can help to talk to someone who has probably seen this before and can walk you through it.

I hope you are able to get through this okay.

Take care,
Dez

[Em0bxy]

I could try to talk to my homeroom teacher/safety teacher about it. She might have some advice, but I don't really know, because she's never seen this side of him before. I hadn't really either, and it only came out once. I never have really cared what anybody did to me before and id still stay with them, I've quite literally been raped and stayed with my girlfriend after that happened, so it's not to farfetched to say i'd do it again.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

You may have never seen this side of him before, but that's not to say that he won't do it again or won't escalate. That's why I strongly encourage you to talk to someone (such as your homeroom/safety teacher). They can be helpful in getting you out of the situation.

[Em0bxy]

I just am hesitant because of my anxiety. It could get in the way of me preventing something traumatizing to happen again. I feel like I was manipulated into staying with him, because we fight over who loves who more, he always says things like "If you leave me I don't know what I'd do with myself" and "I'll NEVER give your sweatshirts back" like damn? I kinda wanted those back.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

The sweatshirts aren't as important as your safety. I'm worried that the "if you leave me" will escalate into him threatening to harm himself if you leave, and I want to say that if this happens it is not your responsibility to stay with him if he threatens harm. It's a manipulation tactic that would be used to get you to stay. If that happens definitely talk to an adult like your teacher. They'd have to investigate, but that may be a wake up call that he shouldn't be saying that.

[Em0bxy]

Yeah....that's a fair point. He's grabbed me and pushed me before so I'd expect him to act physically against me than to himself first. Plus, he's friends with my abuser so he'd know how to get me hurt. Physically and mentally.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Grabbing you and pushing you is not okay. Definitely try to get out now before it escalates any farther. You may not think someone is capable of doing worse, but then it happens anyway. It's important to remove yourself from that situation if at all possible.

[Em0bxy]

Yeah. He also always forces me to do things I don't feel comfortable with(ex: sit with him during win, watch videos I don't want too, wear clothing I don't want too, etc.) and it's honestly getting annoying. He's both physically and mentally manipulative, so I guess breaking it off would be the healthiest thing...I just feel guilty for doing that to him again.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello, when we are dating someone or just friends with that person we always want to be happy and have fun hanging out with them and if they make you feel not like this then it is okay to not be with them anymore. Good luck with this.

[Mindfulness.]

Hi Ashton,
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.
But I would suggest breaking up with him as well due to your safety. He's already threatened and was forceful with you.
Talking to a trusted adult will allow you to be safe as well as they would be able to keep an eye on things if he does turn even more violent.

[Em0bxy]

Yeah, thanks, umh...the one problem is though Im already dealing with a situation and the one teacher I trust I don't want to put too much pressure on.