Where are you? A Memoir of a lonely soul.

[Smitten]

(Dear Mods, This is all about Relationships. Please do not move it to some remote corner of the site such as self expression, Its all about relationships and relationship advice ETC. Thanks.)

This is Divided into two sections, section 1: advice and observations.
Section 2: Well, You'll figure it out.
Section 1 leads up to section 2, so don't just skip section 1 people. its a preface so-to-speak.


Section 1.
What is it that everyone wants in life?
The answer to that question I truly do not know, for no two people are exactly alike. However, what I can say with confidence is that no one wants to be alone. One desire that we all posses, a common ground that humans share which spans all "races," cultures, and sexual orientations is the desire to find another human being to share our lives with. I cannot speak for others but for me personally life has little joy in it if not shared with someone I love.
I would venture so far to say that perhaps Love in its entirety is the purpose of life itself, that in love, the learning and sharing of ones experiences; joys; sadness's; and conquering together the challenges both physical and emotional, helping each other scale up to the peaks of the figurative mountains of life is where true happiness, true fulfillment is found.
Why is it then that so many struggle to find another willing to put forth their heart and soul into a relationship?
Is my Generation yet too young, too naive, too ignorant of what life has to offer when they put themselves out in the open emotionally and physically to their partner? Yes, it is understood that many people are simply not right for each other but no one will ever know the potential that a relationship can achieve if they do not make themselves open, vulnerable to it, to their partner. Yes, greater disclosure and vulnerability allow a greater risk for pain if a relationship fails, but not putting yourself out there and offering up that vulnerability, that weak side of yourself, is essentially stifling the potential of intimacy and mutual trust between partners. Self consciousness and fear of ones partner's thoughts are not parts of a healthy relationship, both must be overcome for true intimacy and trust to develop.
Young women seem to be so distracted and preoccupied with what everyone else thinks that they seem to forget how to be happy with themselves, having the unconditional love and the admiration of their partner no longer is enough for them, they seemingly stop caring how attracted their boyfriend is to them, they are distracted and allow themselves to be deluded into thinking they are not pretty enough, self-consciousness sets in and they cease feeling sexy, they become stressed and burdened with societal pressures and pressures from their friends. Sex becomes less frequent which in turn bolsters feelings of inadequacy in their male partners. Tensions rise, resentments grow, the relationship crumbles...
Many people seem to disagree with the statement "Sex makes the relationship." I respectfully have to disagree with the following: "You are ignorant." Sex is by no means all a relationship is about, if a relationship is solely based upon sex then there is indeed a problem; however a healthy relationship involves three components which work together symbiotically.

Intimacy-Commitment-Passion

Picture these three components as thirds of a wooden cart wheel. if you take any third away from this wheel, it will still spin. However, each time it rotates and lands upon the missing section the other two remaining sections take the hard brunt of the pressure. The wheel will work for a while depending on the terrain but when things get rocky any relationship lacking one of these three components will dull, crack, splinter. and finally shatter. it is inevitable.


Section 2.

Dear, Unknown Stranger.

Nowhere can I seem to find my other half.
Most think in searching I'm completely daft.
She is out there, I have hope.
But while she hides I mope.
Each morning I awake with a smile on my face.
I venture out and search for a new place.
Somewhere I might find who I'm searching for.
Where she is I'm not quite sure.
But one things certain, this I know.
Once I find her we will go.
Where to? no clue...
But it will be just me and you.
...
I can promise, our love will be true.

And so I reveal my true desires, underneath the surface of what appears to be so and I make myself vulnerable for all to know.
As has been said by many brilliant minds; "Lead by example"
So Alas, I will lower my guard and offer an intimate understanding of my true colors. (Seeing as many on this site seem to be under the impression that I am a good for nothing ne'er do well because of my posts during my last (might I say, very flawed and unhealthy) relationship. I was upset, resentful, and generally unhappy because our relationship desires were totally incomparable and our lifestyles did not mesh. Although I regret that the relationship failed, I do not regret my conduct because I feel it was warranted and understandable given the circumstances. I hope that this will disillusion those who have been given the wrong impression.)

What I want...
What does anyone want? Someone to love and be loved by.
Things it seems, are not so simple.
I have learned it is possible to love and be loved, but not be compatible. In this situation, it is heartbreaking and difficult but goodbye is the only way...
I need a woman who can handle the immense pressure and responsibility that comes with being my partner. She is my "go-to" person for nearly all of life's challenges. I need a Partner, someone who I can trust with my life and who will trust me with theirs. The life I plan to live is a life of great adventure, and sadly there will not be much room for sustaining friendships outside of our own relationship, as such I need someone who will love me as intensely as I will love her, someone willing to accept and handle the weight of being my whole world, and who will make me their whole world in return. I need someone who revels in travel and global exploration, who takes great joy in exploring ancient and strange cultures, someone who will trek the Himalayas with me, explore the desserts on camel back, and try exotic foods in distant lands. someone who is not materialistic and can appreciate the little moments that make life worth living, cuddling together under the star lit sky on some island beside a tropical waterfall. The wondrous moments that we will share...
I get chills just thinking about it.
I need a woman who can finish my sentences for me, who won't take advantage of the knowledge that I would do anything for her, who who will always do her best to look at the silver lining is situations and who is not afraid to be afraid. let me be the man, it's ok to hide behind me at times, There is no need to keep a constantly tough exterior, let yourself be helpless before me, I promise I will never do anything to hurt you, and never let anything else hurt you. I would protect you with my life.
I need a woman with whom our trust, our bond is strong.
Right or wrong, we are in it together and behind each other 110%

In a world of exploration we are each others only backup, our only sources for support and survival are each other. I need a woman capable of being all these things, or the life that I so desire will never begin.
I will not settle, I will not give up.
I Will Find Her.


Thank you to those who made it to the end and did not just skim, your feedback does mean alot to me.
I welcome Questions, Comments, etc.

-Smitten

[Algernon]

It was a little too long for me. But yes, the part where you asked if this generation is too young. Yes, I believe so, with my whole heart. To experience true honest love I think that you shouldn't take it for granted, which it is at such a young age. Teenagers saying, "Oh, I'm in love" and fretting at age 14 over which guy to choose. That's not real love or a real relationship.

From experience, as honestly feeling as though I have loved someone else with my whole heart, even though they decided otherwise, that few people can actually experience true love. And no thirteen or fourteen year old girl/boy is going to understand that.

[ShaunHellend]

After reading that, I consider you a genius as its everything I try and put into words, all my feelings, all my emotions, all my thoughts..

[Work_In_Progress]

I enjoyed reading your post, there were several points I really liked. First off, the part where the admiration of the partner not being enough for the young woman, that is 100%, I think that part should've been combined with the 'The life I plan to live is a life of great adventure, and sadly there will not be much room for sustaining friendships outside of our own relationship, as such I need someone who will love me as intensely as I will love her, someone willing to accept and handle the weight of being my whole world, and who will make me their whole world in return.'

To be honest, there's too many relationships that MUST have a friend involved. Like a girl with a best guy friend and vice-versa. Too much of that and unnecessary.

The 3 tiers of the wheel Intimacy-Commitment-Passion made an impact on me the most. Commitment has been the biggest issue with me to actually acquiring a partner, as none of them have ever gone as far as giving me the first chance of going on a date with me, sure there are over 50 thousand other women that are compatible with me, but that's besides the point that I've never been given a first chance. Come to think of it, Commitment would be the most lacking of the 3 in our today's generation, not on my part, certainly not on yours, but in general.


I don't think you are a good-for-nothing. The only comment I have for you is that next time, look for someone more around your age rather than date someone who is in high school or just getting out of it, but this is coming from someone who thinks that a 20 year old shouldn't date someone younger than 19. The reason why? I think you would prefer someone with the same life experiences as yourself, and that would most likely be found in someone around your age. You would put your life on halt to 'teach' things to a younger girl(if that makes sense to you), while with an older woman, she might not want to wait around for you. I think someone around your age would be perfect for you, you would've had the same life experiences and will acquire and learn them together.

A good read. Very hopeful. Good luck with finding this 'woman'.

[CherriesBlossom]

i loved reading this and think its bloody brillent
i can connect thank you (:

[Rhop101]

I have to agree with what Katie and everyone who has responded already has said that's really good deep stuff I hope you find the right person someday. And what your saying is oh so true.

Good Luck to you

[Hdjdjdjduvieg]

I enjoyed reading this post... but have you ever felt like someone was that 'one'... and then they're just gone, just like that. If they loved you, how could they leave you? Was it ever love at all?

...ever feel like you'll never find another that you feel you could spend eternity with...

[Smitten]

Originally Posted by Scout

I enjoyed reading this post... but have you ever felt like someone was that 'one'... and then they're just gone, just like that. If they loved you, how could they leave you? Was it ever love at all?

...ever feel like you'll never find another that you feel you could spend eternity with...

Have I ever truly felt like someone was that "one"? Yes and No.
Yes, I have been able to see myself spending life with certain people, loving them and raising a family with them.
But No, I have never felt like they were my "soul-mate" because rather than enjoying the life of adventure that I feel is one of the most important things I wish to accomplish in my life, each of them would have required the sacrifice of all I hold dear to my heart.

So few seem to have the ambition, and my ambition either scares them or they see it as a waste of time and have no interest in pursuing the same endeavors as I do. They would rather spend their time on material gains and gaining social acceptance and preserving their extended friends network. pfft.
Why is it that I am surrounded by shallow women with no vision or ambition?
But to answer your question, yes. I do believe I will find her, it is a matter of time.

[delilah]

i like how intense and passionate you are. but i don't think it's always nessacary.

in reference to this part:
"not be much room for sustaining friendships outside of our own relationship"

my parents are very very independent people - that was the reason my mum married my dad - he was her first boyfriend who let her have friends outside of the relationship, first boyfriend who encouraged her to enjoy interests without him. and that was a turn on, and made her feel closer to him.

i liked it has a whole, i just don't feel that relationships always need to be so intense and full on to be fuffilling.(not that i'm sure that was what you were saying.. i'm just adding my pint of view. )

i'm quite intense when i am in a relationship also, although probably not to that extent, but ido see where you are coming from.

[Ayak22]

I agree with most of all of that, and it was very well written and well thought out.

I especially agree with the bit about girls being less implied to listen to and take the positive remarks from a boyfriend or such, being much too caring about what everyone else thinks. It deeply upsets me how much you can tell a girl that she's beautiful and that she doesn't need makeup, but everything you say seems to bounce off of her and she ignores it, insisting that she's ugly.. that really gets to me and it's sad that you can never make someone see that they don't need to put on this image for others.

Ace thread, amazing post. Well done, and I hope this keeps people thinking. I may be back to add to this at some point, I'm not sure at this stage.

[failuretosucceed]

Very well written! I enjoyed reading, you are a very talented writer! You speak the truth -- we are all out to find the one we are meant to spend our life with, and each time I'm in a a new relationship I often wonder is he the one? And more than ever I feel I have found the one now, but who really knows! Thanks for putting your heart and soul into writing this thread- I loved it!

[Smitten]

Thank you everyone for the compliments on my writing and for the multitudes of supportive remarks.
I am glad that; in addition to being an outlet for my own frustrations, this post helped others in different ways.
I hope the replies keep on coming as I do love feedback.