Online dating 2

[crimsontears]

Ok noone understands why im online dating this guy they don't understand that he means everything to me, they don't understand that he's the only guy i TRULY loved. I mean i love everything about him his eyes, his smile, his personality, i mean he truly understands me. I'm always thinking about him, i can never get my mind off of him, at times it feels like he's actually feels like he's beside me. And he's the only one who can make me laugh or smile when im depressed and crying. I need a way to show my family how much he means to me. How can i show them that he's my everything.

[ertyuio]

You can show them by demonstrating that your love for him is real, tangible, and that there's no doubt about whether he is truly the man you love, or if he's someone trying to make a false persona in order for you to fall for him.

Meet him. TRULY meet him. Have an actual face-to-face relationship. If you can demonstrate that your relationship is "real" and not just based on a functioning internet connection, then I don't see why your parents would object to anything. Until then, your parents have reason to doubt your relationship's integrity.

[crimsontears]

i cant meet him face to face until they let me go down there in order to show them, they don't trust my personal judgement at all. and if someone is a bad person i get vibes bad vibes and with him i got none. i felt comfortable around him. like i could trust him.

[Stargazed.]

Maybe have them talk to him on the phone or something of that sort?

[crimsontears]

they act like they don't have time to talk to him...idk wat i should doT.T

[ertyuio]

Originally Posted by crimsontears

i cant meet him face to face until they let me go down there in order to show them, they don't trust my personal judgement at all. and if someone is a bad person i get vibes bad vibes and with him i got none. i felt comfortable around him. like i could trust him.

Well, to be completely honest, telling them that you wanted to move in with him before meeting in person is alarming enough for them to be skeptical about your judgment.

You don't feel "bad vibes" around him because you've never been around him. There's no way to gauge how you'll feel around him before you are actually around him. And your parents won't be receptive to your plight if you keep behaving so passionate about him. It is frustrating, I've been exactly in your position. But demonstrating such violent passion for someone you've never met will put your parents off of letting you meet him. You need to tone it down when you're talking to them about it.

[crimsontears]

but shouldnt the fact that im always talking about him tell them that he means more to me than just a crush? shouldn't that tell them that i think he's the one?

[FlyingTrue]

Let me tell you something that happened to me this week... I met someone online last week, seemingly perfect, good looking, genuinely interested in me etc I was so excited. Me and her texted and talked pretty much nonstop. We were supposed to meet yesterday to supposedly begin a future together, but then 15 minutes before our meeting time she told me that the pics were fake, everything she told me about yourself was a lie, and that she wasn't eighteen, she was fifteen. All this after all that nonstop texting and talking it really hurt that someone would develop such a sophisticated scheme like that and do that to me. Before that I felt exactly the same way you do right now.

So before you put your heart into this, absolutely make sure that he is real. If possible I think it would be a good idea to do a webcam conversation.

[crimsontears]

ya but ive talked to his mom(dont like her louzy mother)he's never broken it off once it was always me even then he's said hes loves me he said he's tried commiting suicide the times he didnt have me he's worried about me when i dont tell him i wont be on its like he truly cares about me and he says he loves me everyday and he says he loves me with all his heart and soul like every other day if not every week. hes helped me through times where i thought noone could help me.

[ertyuio]

Originally Posted by crimsontears

but shouldnt the fact that im always talking about him tell them that he means more to me than just a crush? shouldn't that tell them that i think he's the one?

No, it's a sign to them -- although it may not be, to you -- that he's manipulating you into thinking you love him, when you've never met him. It's telling them that you're so wrapped up in this two-dimensional image of a guy -- who may or may not be who he seems -- that your vision is getting cloudy; that you are basing your happiness on him, while they have strong doubts about him. It's a very bad sign to skeptical parents.

Originally Posted by crimsontears

ya but ive talked to his mom(dont like her louzy mother)he's never broken it off once it was always me even then he's said hes loves me he said he's tried commiting suicide the times he didnt have me he's worried about me when i dont tell him i wont be on its like he truly cares about me and he says he loves me everyday and he says he loves me with all his heart and soul like every other day if not every week. hes helped me through times where i thought noone could help me.

I've gotta ask: how can you love someone that you've never had the pleasure of seeing with your own eyes? Regardless of his actual looks, but based on the way he makes you feel by how he holds you in his arms, or looks into your eyes with nothing but affection? "Loving" in a general, religious type of way, sure, but in the way you mean it -- I am very, very doubtful. Others may disagree with me, but I don't think any form of genuine "love" exists if the feelings stay rooted in the internet, and over IM's.

He seems to be manipulating you into having a strong emotional investment in him. Telling someone that without her you'd commit suicide, is manipulation. It's the same as what would happen in a 3-dimensional relationship. In fact, it makes it that much worse that he says it online. If he's that unstable, then I think you should cut off this relationship as soon as possible. Not someone you want to be around in person, if he's being serious. With every update you give, it's worrying me more and more about how genuine he is behaving.

[crimsontears]

but what if im the same way? the one time we broke it off i was never happy, i never smiled, i couldn't think straight. it hurt to even breathe at times. i mean it feels alot like i found "the one" because he's treated me better than anyone ive ever met in rl because they were a bunch of jerks who felt sorry for me so they acted like they liked me.

[PlayingPretend]

Hurting over a break-up, and feeling as though you can't go on to see the light of another day, seems to be/is relatively normal. Telling someone you'd commit suicide or that you would/have attempted suicide if they end things with you is emotional manipulation, and I agree with Jorge; he seems to be fostering emotional dependency.

Why can't he come up to see you? If your parents won't allow you to go see him.

[crimsontears]

because of his lousy mother for one his mom is too lazy to get a job therefore they have no money.

[ertyuio]

Originally Posted by crimsontears

because of his lousy mother for one his mom is too lazy to get a job therefore they have no money.

I'm assuming he's at least your age, or older (correct me if I'm wrong). Why can't he pay for it himself?

Are you both completely dependent on your parents?

I know far too many people who have gotten into online relationships just like the one you describe. If the alternate side makes excuses as to why they can't make any effort to visit, while they're completely within the ability to make the money themselves, then it's likely that they're making excuses for other reasons. At 18 years old, unless he is so busy otherwise that he doesn't have the time to work, he should be able to pay for things himself, regardless of his parents. I would think he can make the effort if he "loves" you as much as he says he does.

[crimsontears]

He's 16 and ive checked the laws and everything its perfectly legal for me to date him, and his mom uses all the money they have to but games n crap. She doesn't even fix him food alot of times he has to fend for himself.

[PlayingPretend]

If his aunt was willing to let you stay with them, would she be willing to help him make his way up to see you?

[crimsontears]

theyre struggling with money as it is i doubt they have enough to get him to me i offered to help pay once i come down there

[PlayingPretend]

Well if you can pay, perhaps you can help him come up? The only reason I say this is maybe your parents would feel better if you could introduce them to each other.

[crimsontears]

i know i was thinking of one day when my mom is off she could talk to him on my messenger to get to know him some more since she is more cool headed and more open minded than my dad