Dating an ex

[Tigerlily.]

Well obviously I was wondering what some people opinions were on dating an ex and also dating almost directly after a break up.

Basically we are both fresh out of relationships, I don't know how long his was for but I was with my girlfriend for 10 months. My girlfriend dumped me on Thursday, exactly 10 months together. And he just dumped his girlfriend today because she's moving away and they don't want a long distance relationship. The reason he's my ex is because we dated when I was 13 and we mutually made bad decisions to send each other dirty pictures. At the time his mother was dating a cop and they both threatened to have us arrested if we didn't break up because the cop didn't like me for it. Well two years later, his mother's relationship with said cop has ended a while ago, and she has forgiven us understanding it was bad choices and teenage hormones. So his mom is okay with me now and these 2 years we've never really stopped liking one another.

Under those circumstances, what do you think of dating an ex? And also so soon after a break up?

[Aletheia*]

The choice is completely up to you. For me, I was seeing this guy, J, from November of 2006 until December of 2008 when he broke up with me. We were both going in different directions, but it wasn't a mutual break up. I was willing to try to make things work while he wasn't. I was single for almost a month, and in January of 2009, I began dating my current boyfriend Kris. We've been together ever since.

It was a decision for me that worked. I don't like to be alone, and I had been in love with Kris since I met him when I was 16, almost directly before I started dating J. Nothing came of it then since I was younger, he was over 18, and he had a girlfriend of 2.5 years by then.

If you're both willing to give it a try, I don't see a problem with it. Of course, he is an ex for a reason, and since you know the circumstances of which you've broken up, and things will be better off now than they were then, there should be no issue.

If you're questioning it, maybe you should sit down and evaluate everything before taking a plunge into a new relationship right away.

[Tigerlily.]

Well I'm not really questioning it so much as wondering what other people's opinions are on it, and if maybe just getting out of a relationship is affecting the decision, either way I still want to be with him so that's not really the major question

[Le bonheur*]

Originally Posted by leochick123

Under those circumstances, what do you think of dating an ex? And also so soon after a break up?

I think it's perfectly ok to date an ex as long as it's not an awkward & you both have feelings for each other. And in my own opinion, I don't think a time frame makes a difference after a break up. As long as this guy isn't a rebound then there's really no problem. As long as you're both comfortable with it.

[ShimmeringFaerie]

I don't think there is any problem with dating an ex, as long as you've worked out whatever issues caused you to break up in the first place. My current boyfriend and I broke up in the past due to external problems rather than problems with our relationship, but we've now been dating for four years straight. So it can definitely work, and since your breakup was the result of someone else and not because of any issues with the relationship, I think you guys can definitely make it work.

However, I do think that there might be issues caused by getting into the relationship so soon. For starters, you said he only just broke up with his girlfriend and only because she is moving away. But does he still have feelings for her? Is there the possibility that they will want to get back together in the future? And do you still have feelings for your ex-girlfriend? Have you truly moved on from that relationship?

If you've both truthfully moved on from your previous relationships, then that's fine. But if there are still lingering feelings for either of your exes, then I do think that could cause some serious problems in the relationship. I'm not saying that it can't work, but I just think it's important for you to both consider how you feel about your previous relationships.

[VampirePrincess]

Under those circumstances, I would say go for it. The relationship was broken off by outside control, not because of problems in the relationship. If you both like each other, then why not give it another chance?

In general, dating an ex is a bad idea. I've tried it before but discovered neither of us have ever changed enough for our original problems to go away. When it's been a case when he broke up with me, he often finds that I can still be controlling and demanding and that if anything, I have more of the negative qualities he tried so hard to get away from. And if I broke up with him, I'll discover that he's still the same jerk that cheated on me and broke my heart. The longer I stay with him, the more we remember why we broke up in the first place, and then it's usually a mutual decision to break up again.

You can see why I opened with what I did, though If there were no problems within the relationship that broke you apart, you won't suffer from what most people do when they date an ex. However, keep in mind that if there were any problems, they might surface again.

Dating so soon after a break up...it really depends. It depends on the relationship and on the person. But the way I see it is, if you start thinking about dating other people for reasons other than "I'm miserable and want someone to make me feel better" then I say you're ready for your next relationship. Because if you're not, you'll know. If you're not ready, you won't be able to stand thinking about it.

So based on all these factors, I would say the way is clear for you to be with him.

[PianoGirl]

I think you always want to be a little more cautious after two people decide to start dating fresh out of a relationship. Really ask yourselves WHY you're dating to make sure you're getting together for the right reasons. As long as you feel comfortable with the WHY, the rest should be okay.

A lot of people are hesitant about dating right out of a relationship because it can sometimes just be a distraction from the pain you feel about the previous relationship. It sounds like his break up was one more of convenience than because they don't WANT to be together so I'd be careful that the emotions in his relationship are really over.

Likewise, your relationship ended and it sounds like you're a little hurt that it ended exactly on the 10 month mark. Are you over that? Are you ready to move on?

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating an ex as long as you're doing it for the right reasons and you're sure you're going to get more out of the relationship than you got the last time you dated. Good Luck