Female Advice Preferred: Another I'm-never-going-to-get-a-girlfriend thread. :(

[FlickerWick]

I'll keep it rather short because to be honest I'm not expecting anybody to read all of this because these sorts of threads have probably been posted loads before!

Be warned, I'm going to ramble on and a lot of it might come across as soppy so if that stuff isn't your scene then you probably don't want to bother. Oh, and I'm a totally different person online, so this confidence is none existence IRL. Keep that in mind!

[rant] The title says it all really. I guess you could say I'm a little (a lot) desperate. Last year I went through a nasty depression/SH 'phase' and I ended up moving schools. I'm now at another college and I'm 17 - I've still never had a proper girlfriend. I'm a much stronger person now - I've been SH free for 6 months odd and I no longer consider myself to be depressed. I'm a lot more confident in school - I'm making much more of an effort and I've gone from E-D grades to B-A*s (in four AS levels) and I'm fully on course to achieve my goal of getting to Uni.

So, that side of my life's pretty good considering where I was the same time last year. Thing is, I'll be brutally honest - I'm just really, really lonely. I see all of these programs on the TV/couples in college and it just gets me down. I can't even listen to certain songs without feeling a little blue. I'm afraid that I'll never, ever get a girlfriend - I'm awkward around people I don't know, I'm way below average in terms of looks (don't say I'm lying because I guarantee it's true, I'd post a picture but I'd probably get judged) and all in all I just have zero self confidence.

I've been close to a good couple of girls but I've always ended up getting friend zone'd. I've been told (sorry for the modesty) that I have an incredible personality - but is this a bad thing? I mean, it's all well and good being funny/caring etc when I'm alone with people, but when it comes to groups, that just dissipates. I mean, is being 'mr nice guy' the reason for all of this? Should I change that somehow?

I don't want to get much older and still be on my own. I want a family - I want a wife and kids and I just want to love and be loved in return. I want to see them grow up. I generally just enjoy making people happy and helping out but it's not getting me anywhere and that's a little frustrating.

I just want to be able to meet up with somebody, take her places and so on. I'm just afraid that it's never ever ever going to happen.

I think that's it, I know I'm missing a few things but any more text and you lot will probably explode. This is everything that's wrong with me at the moment - life would be perfect if I could make all of these problems just disappear. If you can do anything to even make me feel a little better I'd be very thankful. So, uh, yeah, thanks for letting me post this and I hope to hear back from you soon. Over 'n out. [/rant]

[esfdhtfy]

I understand how discouraging it can be to experience being friend-zoned on numerous occasions. I don't think you should change your personality. Contrary to what many guys think, *most* girls don't like the rude guys. They do indeed prefer the nice guys. I know I do.

I'm almost 20 and I have numerous friends who have never dated anybody, never been on a single date and have not even had a first kiss. I imagine their self-esteem isn't very high as a result, but they don't appear to be doing poorly. Your time will come (please excuse the chiche nature of my previous comment).

I'm glad to hear that you got yourself together and are now exceeding in school and are no longer depressed. You were in a funk and now you're not; you've passed that phase (if you want to call it that). Unfortunately, many people are stuck in this phase for years and years, and a recoverable future appears to be out of reach.

I think you're on the right track right now. I doubt that you're hideously ugly. Statistically speaking, you are likely of average attractiveness - which is not bad at all. In fact, people prefer the average morph of numerous faces to that of a very attractive face because people prefer similarity. Not that the notion is very relevant here, it's still interesting to know.

You're not even in university yet. Keep doing well in school and get into a good university, while studying something that you love. I can pretty much guarantee that you will meet somebody in university; everybody meets at least one person. Continue on with what you're doing and focus on yourself and your goals right now. A good girl will undoubtedly come along eventually.

Good luck.

[xxpaigiexx]

Hey there,

Being friends with a girl is the best place to start, the best relationships do come from friendship, well so I believe anyway.
I don't think looks are the most important thing, personality means so much more. I think a lot of people think looks are important but I fall for personality and not what someone looks like.
You're still young, lots of people haven't had their first relationships by 17 and this doesn't matter, you will find someone, it takes time.

I can understand how groups would intimidate you, they intimidate me, maybe try speaking to people in small groups of say 3 or 4.

Try just speaking to smaller groups and see how you go with that, or just speak to lots of people 1on1 and see how that goes.
The more people you speak to the more your confidence will grow!
BTW- lots of girls find shy guys cute!

I'm always here if you need to speak.

Paige

[Dervisher]

If you've managed to get close to a few girls you're doing a lot better than me.
I'm that person you don't even remember noticing in life (you know the stereotypes: jock, goth, emo, cheerleaders, etc) well i'm the one that doesn't fit in any, and I just fade away in life.
I'm nothing, you're the something that has befriended the other gender. Congratulations.
The most i've managed to do is make them realize how good their other options for guys are.

[FlickerWick]

Originally Posted by Dervisher

If you've managed to get close to a few girls you're doing a lot better than me.
I'm that person you don't even remember noticing in life (you know the stereotypes: jock, goth, emo, cheerleaders, etc) well i'm the one that doesn't fit in any, and I just fade away in life.
I'm nothing, you're the something that has befriended the other gender. Congratulations.
The most i've managed to do is make them realize how good their other options for guys are.

Your life is certainly not as bad as you're making it out to be. No single person's life is worth more than another, it's what you choose to do with it that counts! If you're not satisfied with yours then I'm sure there are people to help you but you're the only one who can really change that. If you want something, you have to be willing to put in the effort, right? Change yourself for the better. Pick up a new hobbie, perhaps, Find something you enjoy doing. I'm not sure, anything should do the trick. You could take up a 'nothing to lose, everything to gain' attitude if it's as 'bad' as you're making out (which it isn't). Trust me, I've been there and it will get better.

To everybody else, thank you. I really appreciate it!

[blumemusik♫]

Actually, it's a little reassuring to know that guys feel this way too

The fact of the matter is this. You don't want to change yourself so that girls will like you. That's bad. All you need is patience so you can wait for the right girl. Because you will get married one day, if that's what you want. And the girl you're going to marry is walking the planet at this very second (unless you go for girls 17 years younger than you ) You just haven't met her yet, but you will. And when you do, you might not even know that you'll spend the rest of your life with her, but you will.

Don't worry about it. Concentrate on school. Don't go looking for love, love will find you.

I hope you feel better, it's always good to rant!<3

[Itsboxman]

Hey there OP.

I didn't notice this boat has more passangers than just me. With that being said, I can't say much to help you, but I can say you aren't in this alone.

Yeah, I felt depressed before, and I couldn't watch tv that had young couples in the shows, and hell, I couldn't listen to some songs too. I know how hard it is to "try to keep your mind off of it," or "try to do something to distract yourself." It sucks when you can't distract yourself with something else when you don't feel like doing anything else.

I've heard (and believe) that you don't find love, love finds you, but dammit, I'm tired of waiting! To be honest, waiting is probably a better idea, but then you think that it's not getting you anywhere.
Alright, I'm going to stop myself from ranting, and changing this into my problem now. Sorry about that. What I was originally trying to say was that you aren't alone in this. I know how you feel, and I know it's not fun. Just make sure you stay you, because when you do meet someone, you want them to care about you, not whoever you're pretending to be.