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Relationships and Dating Ask here for advice on dates, break-ups and other relationship concerns.

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I cant get my Girlfriend to stop... - April 7th 2012, 03:46 PM

This is not a post about me, however it is about my girlfriend. When we first met she never told me about her problems. But finally after a couple of weeks she told me she has a serious problem with cutting. Im not very good in these situations cause its the only one ive been in. Just last night i fell asleep and woke up to a text from her at 2 am saying that she doesnt know what to do, and her arm is dripping... I just need some help on how to handle this situation, and how to get her to maybe stop for a little while or even for ever. I know she goes to therapy, and takes medications for depression and stuff. But she just cant stop and it makes me feel like im the one doing something wrong and making her to it to herself. But infact shes doing it because she sees herself as a slut cause she made a couple mistakes a year ago. I always talk to her in person about how she isnt. Help me please.
                   
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Re: I cant get my Girlfriend to stop... - April 7th 2012, 05:12 PM

Hi there.

I'm really sorry to hear about the issues you're girlfriend is going through. You sound like a lovely person and she's lucky to have you being supportive.

In all honestly, you can't stop her. You can be there for her by distracting her or letting her talk to you when she needs you. You can only do so much for a self harmer. At the end of the day, she's in control of what she does and she's the only one who can psychically stop herself from self harming. With your support, the therapy and the medication, she'll get through this.

I know it's really hard to see someone you love go through this but all you can do is be there for her but remember you're important in this too. Don't take too much on and get yourself down, you need to look after you too.

You're more than welcome to shoot me a PM if you ever need a chat. I hope things start to look up for you both.

Take care,
Jessie


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Re: I cant get my Girlfriend to stop... - April 7th 2012, 07:34 PM

This is always a tough one.

I think it fair for you to let her know how utterly helpless and disturbing it is for you to hear about (or see) cutting. Most especially at 2am. I think you can work on some kind of plan about what to do if she does this (primarily, telling her folks), but usually the best advice is to let her know that the combo of your total inability to deal with this, coupled with how unsettling it is means you'd prefer not hearing about it at all. And in response to the gasps of disbelief out there, let me also say that being a both a teenager and a b/f is about fun and love...not treatment. That's a responsibility left to the adults in her life, primarily her folks and her doc. Conversations about cutting really do need to be professionally managed, all talk is not the same.

If she cannot agree to this, then what she's saying is that she is not yet ready to be in a relationship, and it might be best to end things gently. Sometimes, people need to intensely focus on themselves and their issues before they're ready or able to involve another person in a healthy way.


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Re: I cant get my Girlfriend to stop... - April 7th 2012, 08:44 PM

Thank you for the help and stuff. She realizes that its disturbing for me to look at and hear. Its hard to look at her arm and to see it. The relationship she had with a guy before me is when it started going downhill. She accidently cheated on him and he would not stop calling her names and stuff. So she carved what he said on her thigh. Which is also disturbing. cause that will be there for life as a reminder. Ill try to get through this with her cause we both love eachother and i dont want to loose another girl in my life. Thanks for the input
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Re: I cant get my Girlfriend to stop... - April 13th 2012, 12:49 AM

Just an update: My girlfriend has now moved to smoking ciggarettes whenever she feels the urge to cut. I know it helps her in all, but girls smoking ciggarettes such a turn off and just gross. I dont kno what to tell her. But atleast shes only smoking one or two every week. Any ideas?
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Re: I cant get my Girlfriend to stop... - April 14th 2012, 03:42 AM

i'm really sorry . this is a tough situation.
i think of cutting as a kinda disease ...

unfortuantely, you cant MAKE her stop. she can only stop if she wants to stop. and unfortunately, until she wants to stop, it could get worse .

just try to be there for her . tell her not to cut too deep or too often. gently ask her if you can help her in any way at all... but dont offend her. if you offend her, it'll probably make her want help less .

self harm is a terrible thing togo through, and until you have its nearly impossible to understand . all you can really do is be there for her in every way possible ...


I wanna fly. So I do gymnastics instead.

I'll just keep holding on to what i believe and oh I believe in you. Give me the strength for the fight and the heart to believe cause I've got to believe in you. I feel so alive.

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