Digit. Offline

Not really lol just the usual, sitting at home.

What about you?

I did try it last year, a few of them

but I don't even know why I'm still in school. I know people are motivated when they're doing something they're committed to and care about. I'm not committed anymore. It seems so pointless. Even the clubs because it's a whole mentality to it. I'll still have problems with procrastinating

It's okay, I was talking nonsense :P
I don't know what I like, because I've never had the chance to explore. I have some ideas here and there but I've spent so much time around things I don't like to do. I just know school is something I don't like. That's one of the debates I have with myself. Why just complain about something if you're too afraid to change. Plus is the change for the better. Or maybe school is the safer way, and I should wait it out till I graduate. Because I'd be a terrible person if I didn't. The horror and disgrace I'd give my family -_- or worse I'd end up unemployed and all that. Maybe I should just suck it up and do my best.

and I feel like I have no tools are skills that were developed for me to go out and do well in this world. I'm so lost and confused and freaked out and everything terrible. I don't know what I want or how to be or anything and I don't have any mentor figure with experience whom I can learn valuable things from

I guess I'll start with low self esteem. It's always been an issue but it seems to be keep getting worse. That leads to unhealthy relationships and that includes relationship with myself. I'm also very anxious a lot and stressed out easily and confused and unsure, and uncertain and afraid and fearful and frightened. And I don't know, I could never do something right, or even do something at all. You know why? because I'm always procrastinating school work. I've been doing that since at least 4th grade. And it's not necessarily hard, but I'd spend from the time I come home till the time I go to sleep only on homework. I hate that. And it's still happening now. School is really terrible, and I just don't like it. I wish I can learn by myself, I don't want to be in a classroom setting I don't want to have a school. I want to learn on my own. And that doesn't mean I'll do nothing. I'll do the things that are interesting to me and do those things, in my own way. And it's so stupid I'm complaining about school because I know there are people who love school and wish to be in my place. And I used to not complain like this, I used to think school really did a good job but it doesn't. That's the bottom line. There are better ways for me to learn things. And that leads me to this not being able to find a major. To me, I think learning is a lifetime thing. I can't sit with the idea that I'd have to choose one and stick with it. I like moving around, exploring topics here and there. I feel like I've wasted my years in school, and I didn't always think of it like that but now it feels that way because I'm looking at what came out of it and it's not like taking school out would make it all perfect. Because I will eventually graduate college and then have no school. But that's not the point, I wish I was in a mind stimulating environment but just not in school

idk. It's not even one issue, it's more of a few things interrelated and stuff.

I don't want to be negative when people are suffering and have it worse

meh, I feel stupid saying it

yeah it wasn't bad, but I feel a bit down.
glad to know it was good