My bf and I had our 1st "fight" today but it was a good thing. First of all, it wasn't serious, it was more of a playful argument, 2nd of all, it was over text. It was actually quite fun, more of flirting than fighting, him trying to convince me to sing for him and me refusing to let him hear me sing...but I do think it was good in several ways:
-it shows him that I can hold my opinion about something and fight for it, a side of me he hasn't really seen before (but seems to enjoy)...

(persons email) says:
hey steph.. how things? its (insert her name) just letting you know thanks for the left overs... me and (my abusive ex) have been going well for some time now.. thanks
Lee cal haile evally says:
wth?
(persons email) says:


I have no idea why she bothered to inform me. But... I ended up crying and telling my mother almost everything... she knows I think of his abuse every day.... she knows about the three TH suicide attempts that...

So yeah like I've said before, I don't really know if I'm in love just cause I don't have anything to compare it too. And we've only been together for like a month. But I'm considering the possibility that I love him. I said I love you once when saying good night (after he said it 1st) but still not 100% sure. I don't really regret saying I love him, I just don't know that it was the entire truth, but not a lie either.
But he's mentioned love many times. I think 3 times he's come out and said...

I'm meant to be signing the camp forms today, but I don't know if she'll let me go considering SIing with thoughts of suicide.
Marie, I doesn't want to lose you....

I'll lose me in the process... And then, not even Ki will be able to help shoo the clouds in my head away.

I wont be afraid to mix my alcohol with my pills... Even though I've been scared to due to House episodes..

It's a non-date. Meaning. Date but with only friendly intentions?

I don't know what to do... he's so nice but I get caught up on what to say. It's not easy anymore... A part of me is scared of letting slip that I am at risk of SI/Suicide.
I think we both have issues.
That still doesn't help me to know what to say...

Also, what to wear? It's so hot here I am going to be sweltering in my jeans... Ugh, just be normal Lee.
Any ideas what to wear, anyone?...

My bf has a friend that hates me I'll copy and paste the story from my thread:
"I was at my bf's house today and we went to the park near his house to meet 3 of his friends, 2 girls and a guy (the bf of 1 of the girls). I had met the guy (I'll call him "Scott") and the girl (I'll call her "Kasey") who isn't his gf (I'll call the 1 who is his gf "Jana") before, but only briefly, like a hi, nice to meet you, bye. So I was being shy and not saying much. I...

Usually i wouldn't talk about this but, i need to tell someone.
My soon to be ex-boyfriend, abuses me, i am scared to shit to tell him i have to dump him, he uses drugss and, drinks.
I seriously am thinkin of cutting myself more, to sooth some of my pain, by phsycial pain not mental pain.
I mean if u had a abusive bf or gf wouldn't u be scared to confront him or her?
I am, i mean i've told teachers and my foster mom, no one said anything or did anything!
I am legally...

Well, yeah, i wish i could die.
Why? because my real birth mom doesn't give a shit for me, i am losing all contact with the one guy i need in my life my brother, life at school sucks!, everyone almost everyone puts me down. I don't get it does God hate me so!?!?!?!?!

Fuck all your belongings,
I'm trashing your car.
Shredding your teddies
In the front yard.

I'll burn all our photos,
Lock the valuables away.
And sell them for alcohol
Some other fine day.


Oh, and I'm going to meet Ki this Friday o.o ... I'm a little scared - I wont have anything to say!
Oh well, what happens, happens.
At least he's easy on the eyes