The danger of admitting you're depressed, is once your brain is aware you're not in denial any longer, it drags you right down to where it wants you to be.

I swing between seriously suicidal with urgent intent to apathetic. And back again. And back again. And again. And again. And I'm so tired, I think soon I will give up and give in. I doubt I will die. It will be listed as serious self-harm, or a failed attempt. Who cares. I might get a good long dreamless sleep out of it.
...

I feel so alone :s I wish I had someone here just to hug me. :/ I feel so lonely and fat and sad.