So I've been gone a while. Sorry. I guess I should update you guys. *Basically I've not been coping at all. I'm not going to bore you all with that though as you all have better and more important things to be doing than reading about everything that's going on in my life. Sorry I've been gone so long. I hope that everyone has been doing ok. <3

So I've tidied my room. I'm just waiting for Mum to take the bins out so I can take out my rubbish and recycling and then finish the job. I've packed my bag. It's a little stuffed, and I haven't packed a towel - something I will do my best to rectify tonight. The reason it's stuffed is because I'm only taking a back-pack, and in it I've put everything I think I could potentially need. If this were a regular overnight stay, it wouldn't be a big thing. Except this is an overnight stay that could well...

Last night was the happiest I've been in so long. I spent the night with my boyfriend, and we just cwtched (cuddled, for you non-Welsh people) almost all night. But this morning, my boyfriend walked me to my bus stop and I had to say goodbye.
We're now 163 miles apart once again, for at least another 8 weeks.
It's his 18th birthday on Tuesday and I'm not going to be there to celebrate with him. It's also our 2 year 'anniversary', if you may, on the 1st of May. Once again, I won't...

There are no words.

I just feel empty.
Numb.
Done.

I can't do this. I need to cut tonight. I don't care what happens, I don't want to be stopped.

Source: Newsletter | Issue 25 | If you would like to receive the full quality HTML version via email please sign up.


TeenHelp Newsletter #25 - April 15th 2012 - http://www.teenhelp.org

Welcome to the TeenHelp Newsletter! Our Newsletter contains a lot of useful information about our current work, including updates to our site and services, work with our partners and affiliates, details of upcoming events, short bits...

I am having one heck of a messed up week, so far.
Also, I annexed the barbecue shapes because I was hungry and couldn't afford chips. Until Wednesday, at least, and I've decided I might spend Tuesday living off chocolate. I'll be in transit so it shouldn't be too bad, and when I get there I can always just go straight to sleep and then stay that way until it's time to get ready.

I have to see Yvonne tomorrow. I keep thinking I could miss the appointment, save myself $6.80...

Okay, the photo shoot went very well, aside from a few bumps!

First, it took us 5 hours in the woods and fields taking pictures. Way longer than I expected. Next, I lost my locket. That locket is precious to me and I wanted to cry when I realized it was gone. It could've been anywhere in those woods, or the field. We searched for over 30 minutes and finally went inside for a rest. Jon kept promising he would keep searching after I went home, that he'd search all day tomorrow...

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps praying the floor won't fall through again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky and go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight
Well, I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why
...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aoS2...endscreen&NR=1


i still remember the look on your face
lit through the darkness at 1:58
the words that you whispered for just us to know
you told me you loved me
so why did you go away
away

i do recall now, the smell of the rain
fresh on the pavement
i ran off the plane
that july 9th, the beat of your heart
it jumps through your shirt
...

I'm struggling so bad just now.
It's like someone's died. I can't stop crying at everything. I feel really sick and empty and I can't even explain it.
I can't do this. I can't just accept that that's it. I keep praying I'm going to wake up and it'll all just be a dream.
I can't come to terms with the fact that I won't be going to sleep with and waking up to texts every day. It just feels like it shouldn't be so easy to just give up. It's not easy anyway. I can't explain it....