Actually, I'm starting to be mildly confused, a LOT. It's just one of those things. Like I have good days - aside from those couple of days where I felt beyond crappy - but on those days I still want to self-harm, and I still do - which doesn't make sense to me.

I got paranoid last night about somebody finding my stash. So I relocated it to a place which I hope is not obvious.

I got Sköll boots! Well, I got the ones from last year recharged anyway. Well sort of. They...

Sitting in a study hall bored. I started my chem. homework but really don't wast to finish it. I can't wait until my TA form gets approved, then I wont have to sit here bored. I'm in a really good mood though. I wasn't until after lunch. Lunch kinda sucked. Alex's annoying friend doesn't have anywhere to sit so she has to sit by us. She';s really annoying and obnoxious. Her and Alex are really getting annoying about the Paul thing. I guess Sandra told Alex its gets annoying and she kinda stopped,...

So I got a call from a no-number. Unfortunately, my cellphone was on charge, and I was in the loo, so I missed the call, and they didn't leave a voicemail and haven't called back so I have no idea who it was. I figure if they're desperate to talk to me they'll call again, but I am a little worried that it may have been McDonalds regarding a job . . . so yeah.

I rang Mum yesterday afternoon to give her my good news about being able to stay here a while longer, and she gave me some...

On the very bright side (or not), I think the 3 - 5 days insanity was attributable to PMS. Although that's crappy, I didn't do anything major, so I'm not too bothered.

The real good news is as follows: I had a tenancy meeting with my property manager and with Leisa today, and the outcome is that my tenancy had been extended 6 months until the end of July, with a review in 3 months, and if things are still going well at the 3 month review, then my name will be referred to something...

Okay. So. Rant.

My ex is the most ungrateful person I've ever met.

He's put me through more than anyone knows and he just doesn't care what he does to me or that he says and does things to hurt me.

I've forgiven him for a lot. Recently.
I told him that I wanted to start over and try again and that I loved and missed him.

The next day he texts me and says 'Yeah.. I've been thinking, and I don't think we should.'

I GAVE HIM THE...

I feel like I'm just going in circles, repeating the same mistakes, over and over again, with no way out, and with no hope of something brighter. I feel like I'm wasting so much. Everybody always talks about all this potential they see, that I have, and I know it's there. And I know it's wasted on me.

What's the point of intellect, if you can't apply it? What's the point of musical skill and talent, if you hardly ever get out your instruments, or sit down and compose? What's the point...

I'm scared to get close to some one. I'm scared I'll let them down. I'm scared I'll do something to cause them pain. I hate to see the look on others faces when I let them down. I don't want to do that. I want everyone to be happy, but doing so I know I wont be able to make everyone happy. The idea of getting close to some one and causing them pain scares me to death. I don't want to do that to anyone. I have problems getting close to others because of that. I'm scared they wont like me. I'm scared...

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