Freaking out now. Don't want wednesday. Really can't handle it. So scared. Don't think i can go anymore. Won't admit the truth anyway. Don't want to talk about stupid suicide attempts, selfharm, overdosing, urges, thoughts, starvation, purging, the past. Maybe i should just cancel. Don't want to do this on my own but i don't want anyone knowing.
Just let me go?

Feel awful right now. Falling apart and i don't know how much longer i can keep it together anymore. I'm so tired of fighting this. Just think it would be better if i was to dissapear.

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Tried to help today. Screwed up as usual. My mom asked me to clean the windows. I wanted to. I wanted to help her and prove i'm not as useless as everyone makes out but i just couldn't do it. It was stupidly sunny. Everyone was outside in bikini tops or short sleeves. I had a long sleeved jumper on hiding all my scars that noone knows about. I couldn't risk anyone seeing. So it told her i didn't want to but i would do something else. She moaned but i guess i'd rather that than her find out the truth....

I get the message i know exactly what you're trying to say. I just wish people would come out and say it. Noone wants me around. I can't say i blame anyone but thats how it feels whereever i go, whoever i'm with. I'm sick of feeling so alone. So lost. I need someone but i have noone. I've pushed everyone away. The only thing i have left is my blade.
I'm terrified about things. I don't want to face this week, especially not alone but it's not like i have much choice. Maybe i should just listen...

Supposed to be in school can't handle it right now. Just had a huge breakdown in the doctors. Felt so stupid. I don't cry I just don't. I don't know who I am anymore. Everyone says they're worried about me and I shouldn't be thinking like this. I don't want to be like this. I've pushed everyone away when I need people most and I can't stop there stupid images. I'm going to have to go fake a smile and go into school now. Pretend everythings ok.
Buying more pills tonight. Can't do this. ...

Don't know How I feel. Just know I feel so alone. Clinging on to life by the skin of my teeth. One more Push and I'm going to fall further than I've ever fallen before and hope I never get back up again.

I'm falling apart right now but i can't let anyone see that. I have to keep it together somehow but its getting so much harder to fake a smile and pretend that everythings ok. I guess i have no choice though. I have to be ok...I am ok. If i say it enough times maybe i'll believe it. Who knows.
I'm just not coping at all at the moment. I'm on a self destruct mode and noone seems to even notice. I suppose i...

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