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Slipping away (Trig)
Posted October 27th 2011 at 08:04 PM by Anatidaephobia
Today has been a better day. I went to my nan's and spent the day with my little cousin, M. She's gorgeous and so cute. She made me smile and for a while I didn't think about killing myself. I don't know I was sat with her and she just gave me a huge hug and told me she loved me. It was the first time i've properly smiled in a while. But then again she's only one. She'll hate me eventually, everyone always does.
Then i get home. I go up to my room to get changed. I see the scars and look at myself in the mirror. Ergh i'm hideous. I really am. No ones ever going to want me. I shouldn't have eaten that cake.
Ergh going on a diet as of now. I need to lose this weight.
My sisters having a party tomorrow. I don't want her to. Ergh just have to pretend to be fine again i guess. More lies.
I want these voices to stop. I want someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. I just want this to stop. I don't want to go back to school on monday. I have work to do but i just can't concentrate. I've pretty much fucked up my life and I have found out I can't do the one things I wanted. Is there even any point?
I'm sick of all the lies and all the secrets. I don't want to do this anymore. All I want to do is end everything.
I don't know how much longer I can stay alive. Every part of me hurts. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.
Just let me go? You're all better off without me anyway. Who'd want a ugly, selfish, waste of space around.
Then i get home. I go up to my room to get changed. I see the scars and look at myself in the mirror. Ergh i'm hideous. I really am. No ones ever going to want me. I shouldn't have eaten that cake.
Ergh going on a diet as of now. I need to lose this weight.My sisters having a party tomorrow. I don't want her to. Ergh just have to pretend to be fine again i guess. More lies.
I want these voices to stop. I want someone to hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. I just want this to stop. I don't want to go back to school on monday. I have work to do but i just can't concentrate. I've pretty much fucked up my life and I have found out I can't do the one things I wanted. Is there even any point?
I'm sick of all the lies and all the secrets. I don't want to do this anymore. All I want to do is end everything.
I don't know how much longer I can stay alive. Every part of me hurts. I'm mentally and physically exhausted.
Just let me go? You're all better off without me anyway. Who'd want a ugly, selfish, waste of space around.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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You can do this my gorgeous. You're doing so well and I am so proud. I'm glad you had a good day, hold on to it. I'm always here if you need me, love you xPosted October 27th 2011 at 08:15 PM by Palmolive
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Shh, you're doing so well! You're gorgeous, and you don't need to change for anyone or anything.
It's great you had such a good day! Make sure you write it down. Maybe you should keep a diary/journal of everything you do which makes you smile. And then, when you need a happiness boost, read it, and smile again
I'm here for you if you ever need me...
Just be grateful you don't have a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth
<3Posted October 27th 2011 at 08:32 PM by blumemusik♫
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You are not ugly, selfish or a waste of space. We would not be better off without you. You can do this, keep fighting. Things will get better.Posted October 27th 2011 at 10:19 PM by WhisperingSilence
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Emma, I'm sorry things are so hard. You can do this though. You really can. You can get to a place where properly smiling is something natural again. Where it doesn't seem forced and you're just happy to be alive. Happy and confident in the person that you are, the person that you are becoming. I know we don't talk a whole lot', but I think you're an incredible person. I certainly don't hate you. And I bet that the no one else does, either. How could someone hate a person so lovely and kind? So beautiful and thoughtful? You are those things, as well as many other amazing things. You are definitely not a waste of space. No one would be able to fill the spot you left behind in this world. You matter Emma, and you are really important.
Keep fighting. Don't be on your own, ok?
I'm rooting for you girl!Posted October 28th 2011 at 02:02 AM by EmisaurusRex
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Emma, You are not an ugly, selfish, waste of space.We are not better off without you. We would miss you so much and would be devestated. You are amazing,and beautiful. Im glad you had a good day. You just have to keep thinking of that day. You can do this sweetie. <3Posted October 28th 2011 at 10:13 PM by Lumos.
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Emma, you are the complete opposite of an ugly, selfish, waste of space. You are beautiful, selfless, and so amazing that there's not enough space to fill your amazingness. ;) You are doing so well. You can get through this. You are strong. YOU are the person who matters here. Ok? You can get through this and you CAN be happy. You can. You just have to hold on a little longer. You will find something that makes you happy just like your little cousin does. I don't think she will end up hating you. How could someone hate someone like you? I don't. No one here does. Look how much people love you! ^ I'm here if you need anyone. I love you. <3Posted October 29th 2011 at 02:12 PM by Stargazed.
